I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx
Related I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every... GROUCHO MARX It would be pointless. We have only three trains (between 6 a.m. and 7:30 a.m.), and they arrive rou... MARJORIE ANDERS If someone wants to leave at 3:30 (a.m.) to start fishing in the Gulf Stream at 6:30, they can do th... AL TELLECHEA They started the prep work for her surgery at around 7:30 a.m. and by 12:30 p.m. they were done. We ... KARISSA BURDICK Our systems are all go. At 9:30 Monday morning trading will resume on both markets, and the message ... RICHARD GRASSO In the restaurant business, as opposed to the theater, center orchestra is an 8 P. M. reservation. O... DANNY MEYER The main game started at 8, but (if) you weren't in the gym at least by 5:30 or 6, you didn't get a ... HENRY JOHNSON People want gimmicks. They have to lose 10 pounds by 8:30 tonight. BESS MYERSON I'm up at 5:30 or 6, but not willingly. By 8:30, I'm in my home office. I take a swim in the... ROBERT SILVERBERG The first of the boomers turn 60 this year. They are about to retire, and they have been spending as... DAVID ROSENBERG I try to swim for 30 minutes and walk for 30 minutes, because if I don't, my finely honed body w... TERRY WOGAN At 9:30 that evening, her girls got scared and left, ... They went to stay with their grandma who's ... DEBBIE JOHNSON If people are arriving within 30 minutes before kickoff, they might miss the kickoff. JEFF BERDING We know that our readers like to have their newspaper before they go to work, and we offer them pape... KRIS LAENENS I didn't have an exhibition anywhere until I was 30. My first exhibition was at 30, and then for... TRACEY EMIN I remember when I was 6 or 7, me and some of my friends swimming out in our street because the water... JASON WEBSTER Bureaucrats: they are dead at 30 and buried at 60. They are like custard pies; you can't nail th... FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT If you put animals on a 30- or 40-percent calorie-restricted diet, they live 30 to 40 percent longer... DR. LUIGI FONTANA I don't have any fear of turning 30. But maybe that's because I know I'm never going to ... ALFIE ALLEN The speaker is introduced at 7:30 and speaks for about 10 to 15 minutes. Then we have a round of pra... CLARK JOHNSON I consider Apple to be very closed. Let's say you have a book business, and you are charging 5 t... GABE NEWELL We don't have to educate their kids, ... Twenty, 30, 50, 60 years from now, musical heritage will st... MIKE HUCKABEE Only four of the Canadian players were in the top 30 in NHL (North America Hockey League) scoring. T... GORD MILLER I like being 30. I wouldn't want to do the twenties again. They are their own entity. JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS What kind of America do people want to leave for their children? What horrors are down the road, stu... RANDALL TERRY We got there around 7:30 a.m., the kids got in the room around 9:30, did their warm-ups, recorded, a... JASON MRAZ I was in line at the bank for an hour and have been waiting for gas for 30 minutes. If it's anything... JOHN SULLIVAN I was in line at the bank for an hour and have been waiting for gas for 30 minutes. If it's anything... JOHN SULLIVAN The kids knock on my door by 5:30 or so, and I have to say, 'No, not until 6:30,' and send them back... DONNA KINSEY Because of the sugar, no carbonated beverage, no soda can be sold to the kids. If the school chooses... DONNELL BARTON No big deal. We figured the Rams were going to score some points anyway. When you think the score's ... SHAUN ALEXANDER I think my real depressions started when I was about 16 and doing The Patty Duke Show. I would go to... PATTY DUKE My parents tried to leave at 3:30 in the morning. By 9:30, they weren't 20 miles up the road. They j... JACOB KINCAIDE Each of our children during their high school years went to 'early morning seminary' - scrip... CLAYTON CHRISTENSEN Most of the games I started at the three, but I played like 30 minutes at the power forward spot. ROBERT VADEN When I was 18, I thought that, to be a romantic, you couldn't live past 30. DAVID BOWIE I would also like to act, once in a while, but not get up every morning at 5:30 or six o'clock a... JACKIE COOPER Now they have a riddle. - Criminal Minds DEYTH BANGER Guys are kind of retarded until they're about 30. KATHERINE HEIGL About 30% of fresh food is thrown away in supermarkets every day, although they will deny it. Britis... ARTHUR POTTS DAWSON If he has to be in my driveway when they get here, he's been here for 30 minutes at the least. He co... LAURA JOHNSON I wake up early. At 6:30 A.M., I'm at my most optimistic. EMILY MORTIMER Just 30 minutes after our principals got the results, they were already developing strategies to yie... RICHARD BENTLEY When I called from the school, they said 'You need to be here at the Salt Palace at 3:30 p.m.,' BRENT BROWN (Monday), we watched films of a recent Greenwood game, and they really struggled from three-point ra... JOSH ACIUKEWICZ This morning around 7:30 a.m. they called the radio station and asked if we could come. We came with... AL SANCHEZ Yeah, we knew they were going to run the ball once they got inside the 30. They hit one (field goal)... ROD BROADWAY I would also like to act, once in a while, but not get up every morning at 5:30 or six o'clock and p... JACKIE COOPER You're the best gay friend I've ever had! AMERICA TALKING TO FRANCE The thing is, a lot of our vets come home and they feel displaced, and they don't feel like thei... J. R. MARTINEZ They think they can make fuel from horse manure - now, I don't know if your car will be able to ... BILLIE HOLIDAY I couldn't open up a magazine, you couldn't read a newspaper, you couldn't turn on the T... MORGAN SPURLOCK And that's when it started to hit me that 30 minutes without a pulse, no oxygen, I am probably going... CHRIS HIGGINS I don't think our guys thought kickoff was until 8:30, because we didn't start playing until 8:30 or... JOE PINYAN Think of a world where there is no ride-sharing; people are driving themselves to work. You now have... TRAVIS KALANICK The Iranian people, with regards to the policies of various American administrations in the past 30 ... HASSAN ROUHANI That's the problem with trying to educate the public in 30 seconds. This really should be a process ... DR. JOHN BAILEY They're a big team. Their setter is about 6-7. They have an opposite 6-6, 6-7. Their two middles are... ARNIE BALL Once we're setup it's very, very quick. Right now we're 30 minutes to launch. From the time we get t... MAJ. JOANNE MACGREGOR If you look at Chelsea, they have a mature team. All their players are between 25 and 30. They have ... ARSENE WENGER The game started just about a half hour before their usual bedtime of 7:30. I'm thrilled we got to s... JOE MCCARTHY I think that no one, or very few, are born as good presenters. It's a skill that you learn. The ... GUY KAWASAKI From 8:30 a.m. to noon, Southwest was closed for business due to fog. EDNA RUANO When you look at guys who get recruited, most of the best athletes, they come from poor families. I ... ERIC DICKERSON We have contacted 90 survivors, some from last year and new ones who joined us this year, and invite... ANN PATTERSON It's almost like a commandment to work out for 30 minutes every morning. DAVID NIXON ...moderate social deviance or class non-conformism I have imputed to the first generation of pedest... ROBIN JARVIS When I started writing it was kind of hard getting people to do my stuff. They' say they couldn&... OTIS BLACKWELL Thirty minutes is not a big number, really. And I think another way to look at it is probably every ... ANDY LANDERS Obviously Ohio State is one of the best teams in the land. We made them think about what they had to... BETH COMBS When I was running 'round in America, about 30 years old, I didn't want no woman. I knowed I... DAVID EDWARDS 65 immigration acts went through right at the time of the Great Society program. So pre-1970 immigra... ANN COULTER He was there from April 30 to May 26. It was the first time he was away from home. I went there ever... ALETHEA ZAVITZ I want to get up at 6 A.M. and go swimming and do 30 lengths. SADIE FROST I find the English amazing how they got over 7/7. There were no multiple memorials with people sobbi... GWYNETH PALTROW We tried to be more aggressive and more physical. It worked against Walton (March 30) even though we... ANDREW COHEN More than 30 of America's 100 nuclear power reactors have the same brand of General Electric rea... BILL DEDMAN If you don't have 30 years to devote to social policy, don't get involved. DANIEL PATRICK MOYNIHAN We'll have, by the end of 2013, 30 local language editions of Forbes, many of those are pioneers... MICHAEL PERLIS I don't think I'm really so unique. If every black person looked at their life they would qu... ROY AYERS I went to a friend's house and we just started using. I took myself out of the picture for a second,... JACK OSBOURNE My downtime tends to resemble my uptime. Weekends are workdays, but toned down. Over the whole weeke... AARON LEVIE We've been talking about trying to get these girls down below (13 minutes, 30 seconds). They're goin... WILLIS WILLMETH You have a specific, defined audience-at MTV, they assume the audience to the news is 15 to 30 years... TABITHA SOREN The school was only on lockdown for about 20 to 30 minutes. JAMES DODSON The main difference is you're not in a holiday area. I've got the sea five minutes that way and I've... DAVE MENEER I said I need people from my hometown. They are only 30 men, and I trust them. GEN. RIDHA ALEWEY MANOUSH They can only spend about 20 or 30 minutes before they run into pockets of carbon monoxide. It takes... JOE ALLBAUGH When they got to the airport, their credentials were not ready. Everybody got on their phones and in... MARK MADISON They did a wonderful job. We missed going to states by 30 pins. I couldn't be prouder. ED HOLSOPPLE He frightened us. We looked at his stats from last year and I know that if you can get him the ball ... MATT MULLER On the Monday after Rita, we were short 30 temporary laborers, ANDY KING It looks to me on film that they have to be leading the country in like 6-7-8 yard runs because ever... JEFF CASTEEL I am a fast dresser, 30 minutes max with hair and makeup. I don't have a uniform, but I like to ... DIANE VON FURSTENBERG The deadlines are much, much longer with books. When I was a reporter, a lot of times I'd come i... MARGARET HADDIX I used to have 30 different species of tarantulas, as well as two Australian scorpions that are cons... JONATHAN DAVIS I don't do something because I think it will sell 30 million albums. I couldn't care less. I... OSCAR PETERSON People will drive 30 to 50 minutes to go to a facility that has the sports they are looking for. The... DAVID FROST I love working fast. I don't relish the director who wants to do 25 to 30 takes, or the actors w... ALFRED MOLINA If we win, we would host it Saturday night at 8:30 p.m., after gymnastics. BILL VICKROY
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ... GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day... GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and... GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle. GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How... GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p... GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money! GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell... GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ... GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man. GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d... GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w... GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea... GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words.... GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age. GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I... GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that. GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app... GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he... GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ... GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party. GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han... GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA... GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ... GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e... GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t... GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.” GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ... GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te... GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ... GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t... GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ... GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju... GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have... GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it... GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others. GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ... GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it. GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair. GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A: Someone who stay... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I... GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh... GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ... GROUCHO MARX