I see a tongue! Some asshole is licking my peephole.

My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave.

Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips)

I'm sure my unique brain tastes the same as a normal brain. Actually, mine might be slightly tastier.

Plus, I wondered if any of these celebrities were alive; or if Brangelina was now a zombified couple.

One day, and it may be long off, but one day there will be bacon again. It might be mouse bacon, but that will do for me.

Bite first, ask questions later.