FastSaying

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.


Kurt Vonnegut

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I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
KURT VONNEGUT, JR. I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
KURT VONNEGUT Listen: We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different!
KURT VONNEGUT Electronic communities build nothing. You wind up with nothing. We are dancing animals. How beautifu...
KURT VONNEGUT You don't have to tell anybody a damn thing you don't want to.
MINK STOLE Don't let anybody tell you different, man: The main goal in life careerwise should always be to ...
KEVIN SMITH You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!
JOHN LENNON Don't let anyone try to tell you who you are. Define yourself.
DAVID ALAN GRIER I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let...
LARRY THE CABLE GUY Don't let other people tell you what you want.
PAT RILEY You don't tell us how to stage the news and we don't tell you how to cover it.
LARRY SPEAKES There's a lot of stress out there, and to handle it, you just need to believe in yourself; alway...
MCKAYLA MARONEY We tell applicants, 'If you don't intend to be here for life, you needn't apply.'
S. TRUETT CATHY Trust your gut. You know yourself, so don't let somebody else tell you who you are.
TATIANA MASLANY All I can tell you really is if you get to the point where someone is telling you that you are not g...
PATTI LABELLE Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their re...
GEORGE S. PATTON Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. -Kurt Vonnegut.
KURT VONNEGUT Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to like... Some wines that some experts think are absol...
JOHN CLEESE Get as rude as possible and don't let anyone tell you how to live.
MICK MARS We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
W. H. AUDEN I don't give advice. I can't tell anybody what to do. Instead I say this is what we know abo...
JOYCE BROTHERS It's what I tell my daughters: Know that your birthright is to shine your light, and don't l...
KIMBERLY ELISE Some of the senior people, the very senior astronauts, shook my hand and said, 'K.C., you did a ...
KALPANA CHAWLA We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won't need to tell anybody it does. Light...
DWIGHT L. MOODY Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
BILLY CONNOLLY Don't let nobody tell you that you can't do it. Love what you do until you don't love it...
FETTY WAP I have learned, in my life and work as a sportswriter, that big-time Sports and big-time Politics ar...
HUNTER S. THOMPSON No one can tell you why you are here on Earth. It is up to you to show them what you are here for.
AVIS JOHN Let me get you to understand I don't bully anybody. I stand up for what I believe in and I'm...
NENE LEAKES There's no recovery on Main Street, I can tell you that for sure. And in a re - in an economy li...
HALEY BARBOUR Show the readers everything, tell them nothing.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY Don't let anyone tell you that you have to be a certain way. Be unique. Be what you feel.
MELISSA ETHERIDGE No, we don't cheat. And even if we did, I'd never tell you.
TOMMY LASORDA I want to live in my truth. Tell me you don't like me, and I know it. But when you don't tel...
LEE DANIELS Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we do...
RYAN HANSEN I don't get controversial, I don't get political and I don't tell you what to do with yo...
GABRIEL IGLESIAS Once you have your characters, they tell you what to write, you don't tell them.
ALAN FURST If anyone asks you what kind of music you play, tell him 'pop.' Don't tell him 'rock...
BUDDY HOLLY The impression of Pakistan is that people are corrupt. I don't think they are as corrupt as they...
MIAN MUHAMMAD MANSHA On YouTube you can tell what countries are watching and I've definitely noted a strong Australia...
IMOGEN HEAP I think good taste is completely subjective. If you enjoy something, that's great! Enjoy it, and...
CONNOR FRANTA Let me tell you about being executive producer. It is not a job, it's a title. Don't go arou...
MORGAN FREEMAN My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several...
STEVEN WRIGHT You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.
CHRIS ROCK Now that I'm gone, I tell you, don't smoke.
YUL BRYNNER Let me tell you - when I was standing there on top of the world, you become so humble. You don't...
FELIX BAUMGARTNER Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
PANCHO VILLA We tell prospective hires, 'If you want an environment that is never going to change, don't ...
MICHAEL DELL I tell people a lot of times, if you want to be a part of something, you never know, you kind of jus...
ANDERSON PAAK Tell me that you don't like cartoons, and I think there's something wrong with you. I don...
JOHN DIMAGGIO Our culture has kind of let the concept of the Renaissance Man die out. We don't really tell the...
RONAN FARROW Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent ...
LOU HOLTZ Grow up and be different and don’t let anyone tell you not to be different, because all superheroe...
FREDRIK BACKMAN I feel like you have to tell people who you are, but you don't have to be disrespectful about it...
KEKE PALMER In 2004, the FDA urged drug companies to adopt a 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy with respect to thei...
IRVING KIRSCH I don't think we're living in great times for movies, to tell you the truth.
GABRIEL BYRNE The campaign commercials don't tell you anything.
DAVID A. SIEGEL If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
MARK TWAIN Never write an advertisement which you wouldn't want your family to read. You wouldn't tell ...
DAVID OGILVY There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em.
YOGI BERRA I get such joy out of performing for people, and you can tell whether they like you or they don'...
DARLENE LOVE I had discovered that there was something more painful than falling in love with someone who hasn't ...
ELIZABETH CHANDLER You are the most important person in the world. Every single of you. Don’t let anybody tell you di...
ALEX GASKARTH Don't let your characters tell you what to do. They can be pushy. Some writers say that they cre...
CHELSEA CAIN Let me tell you how the French seduce you. They are the most bloody seductive people on Earth. They ...
ANITA RODDICK Having been an actor in Hollywood for a certain amount of time, I always felt a pressure to be sort ...
JOHN CAMERON MITCHELL Mitt Romney is a Mormon, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Even though he talks about Je...
ROBERT JEFFRESS Don't try to change anybody. And they should let you be yourself, 'You loved me when you met...
WILLIE NELSON Just don't let the hype of what people are saying and how much they love you, y'know, just t...
MARY J. BLIGE I don't let other people tell me what to do. Well, unless it's my mum.
DAKOTA BLUE RICHARDS Now that I’m gone, I tell you; Don’t smoke. Whatever you do, don’t smoke.
YUL BRYNNER If you don't know how to die, don't worry; Nature will tell you what to do on the spot, full...
MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE In real life, if I were firing you, I'd tell you what a great job you did, how fantastic you are...
DONALD TRUMP Everyone's entitled to express their political beliefs. I don't presume to tell anybody who ...
BEN AFFLECK Don't ever forget two things I'm going to tell you. One, don't believe everything that&#...
BABE RUTH I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.
TYLER POSEY I like stories that leave you wanting more, leave you wondering, but don't tell you everything.
VIGGO MORTENSEN I just let the songs tell me what to do - they are my guides, and they are the boss. So I am subserv...
VALERIE JUNE You really think that on my films people tell me what to do? I don't think so. On my films I dec...
BAZ LUHRMANN Al Gore wanted to tell people what they could listen to and what they couldn't, what they could ...
GLENN DANZIG I don't think that we necessarily lie. I mean, we make our living by pretending that we're s...
ALBERT FINNEY They think that, if we were just smart enough, we'd be able to understand their policies. And I ...
SARAH PALIN I love New York! You walk around, nobody notices you, you don't notice anybody, you're in yo...
CANDIS CAYNE I can't even tell you the anxiety I get from being around those cameras!
ZACH WOODLEE Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but...
KURT VONNEGUT You were once wild here. Don't let them tame you.
ISADORA DUNCAN You can't tell young people what to do. You can't tell 'em because they'll look at y...
RONNIE JAMES DIO As Richard Pryor was to Eddie Murphy, that's what Kurt Vonnegut was to me.
CHRISTOPHER MOORE On 'don't ask, don't tell' I was always the same. I said we needed a complete review...
JOHN MCCAIN Anybody who has gone through a life-changing experience will tell you there is a different understan...
DELTA GOODREM I was lucky. A lot of people have that. People that don't tell you what you want to hear, but wh...
KEVIN LOVE Don't tell me what you believe in. I'll observe how you behave and I will make my own determ...
ALEX TREBEK I don't like to tell lies.
HAL ASHBY I used to tell Jackie (Robinson) sometimes when they were throwing at him, 'Jackie, they aren...
PEE WEE REESE Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads...
JULES RENARD Siren voices tell me, 'You don't have to keep going on.' And then you think, 'I'...
TERRY PRATCHETT Any writer my age almost can't get away from being influenced by Kurt Vonnegut, partially becaus...
CHRIS CRUTCHER Glasgow is certainly a place where they will tell you if they don't think you are anything speci...
SAM HEUGHAN There are a lot of podcasters that are females of color. And I think that we should be allowed to te...
JESSICA WILLIAMS Don't tell your friends about your indigestion. 'How are you' is a greeting, not a quest...
ARTHUR GUITERMAN

More Kurt Vonnegut

My cash cows, the slick magazines, were put out of business by TV.
KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the ki...
KURT VONNEGUT Oh, sure, we have another world war coming, and another great depression, but where are the leaders ...
KURT VONNEGUT Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been...
KURT VONNEGUT If you are an American, you must allow all ideas to circulate freely in your community, not merely y...
KURT VONNEGUT There is love enough in this world for everybody, if people will just look.
KURT VONNEGUT I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.
KURT VONNEGUT I let the dog out, or I let him in, and we talk some. I let him know I like him, and he lets me know...
KURT VONNEGUT If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
KURT VONNEGUT Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudic...
KURT VONNEGUT What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thin...
KURT VONNEGUT Everyone now knows how to find the meaning of life within himself. But mankind wasn't always so ...
KURT VONNEGUT People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll h...
KURT VONNEGUT If somebody says, I love you, to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can an...
KURT VONNEGUT I get up at 7:30 and work four hours a day. Nine to twelve in the morning, five to six in the evenin...
KURT VONNEGUT Thinking doesn't seem to help very much. The human brain is too high-powered to have many practical ...
KURT VONNEGUT What war has always been is a puberty ceremony. It's a very rough one, but you went away a boy and c...
KURT VONNEGUT The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowled...
KURT VONNEGUT Being American is to eat a lot of beef steak, and boy, we've got a lot more beef steak than any othe...
KURT VONNEGUT ... this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so inc...
KURT VONNEGUT The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very much wi...
KURT VONNEGUT We are all what we pretend to be, but, we had better be very careful what we pretend.
KURT VONNEGUT I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a ver...
KURT VONNEGUT I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds o...
KURT VONNEGUT We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo...
KURT VONNEGUT People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order, so they'll have...
KURT VONNEGUT There is no order in the world around us, we must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos inste...
KURT VONNEGUT There's only one me, and I'm stuck with him.
KURT VONNEGUT I have been a soreheaded occupant of a file drawer labeled Science Fiction and I would like out, par...
KURT VONNEGUT Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT Artists use frauds to make human beings seem more wonderful than they really are. Dancers show us hu...
KURT VONNEGUT There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, I said, but no good reason ever to have without reser...
KURT VONNEGUT Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but...
KURT VONNEGUT It was a thunderingly beautiful experience -- voluptuous, sexual, dangerous, and expensive as hell.
KURT VONNEGUT We would be a lot safer if the Government would take its money out of science and put it into astrol...
KURT VONNEGUT Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.
KURT VONNEGUT Still and all, why bother? Here's my answer. Many people need desperately to receive this messag...
KURT VONNEGUT Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to rem...
KURT VONNEGUT I have no degree in biochemistry, neither do I have one in mechanical engineering, as the Army saw f...
KURT VONNEGUT True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the countr...
KURT VONNEGUT What troubles me most about my lovely country is that its children are seldom taught that American f...
KURT VONNEGUT Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since...
KURT VONNEGUT We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap.
KURT VONNEGUT There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of ...
KURT VONNEGUT I think a lot of people, including me, clammed up when a civilian asked about battle, about war. It ...
KURT VONNEGUT There is never a shortage anywhere of lawyers eager to attack the First Amendment, as though it were...
KURT VONNEGUT I now make my living by being impolite. I am clumsy at it.
KURT VONNEGUT If you appear in the 'Atlantic' or 'Harper's' or the 'New Yorker,' by Go...
KURT VONNEGUT It is a big temptation to me, when I create a character for a novel, to say that he is what he is be...
KURT VONNEGUT About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilitie...
KURT VONNEGUT It was very lucky for me as a writer that I studied the physical sciences rather than English. I wro...
KURT VONNEGUT I am honorary President of the American Humanist Society, having succeeded the late, great science f...
KURT VONNEGUT This is Sunday, and the question arises, what'll I start tomorrow?
KURT VONNEGUT Evolution can go to hell as far as I am concerned. What a mistake we are. We have mortally wounded t...
KURT VONNEGUT The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Pra...
KURT VONNEGUT I was not an anthropology student prior to the war. I took it up as part of a personal readjustment ...
KURT VONNEGUT I think big business is a terrible thing for the spirit of the country, as our spirit is the best th...
KURT VONNEGUT When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been...
KURT VONNEGUT The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very muc...
KURT VONNEGUT Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. -Kurt Vonnegut.
KURT VONNEGUT People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God.
KURT VONNEGUT I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a...
KURT VONNEGUT I was a chemistry major, but I'm always winding up as a teacher in English departments, so I'...
KURT VONNEGUT I really wonder what gives us the right to wreck this poor planet of ours.
KURT VONNEGUT Unusual travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.
KURT VONNEGUT I can have oodles of charm when I want to.
KURT VONNEGUT Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the char...
KURT VONNEGUT The chief weapon of sea pirates, however, was their capacity to astonish. Nobody else could believe,...
KURT VONNEGUT New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the rich...
KURT VONNEGUT 1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began l...
KURT VONNEGUT I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresente...
KURT VONNEGUT Humor is an almost physiological response to fear.
KURT VONNEGUT Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite herma...
KURT VONNEGUT There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. Th...
KURT VONNEGUT Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either...
KURT VONNEGUT One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have ...
KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo...
KURT VONNEGUT Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand
KURT VONNEGUT Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terri...
KURT VONNEGUT Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but...
KURT VONNEGUT If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo...
KURT VONNEGUT Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person...
KURT VONNEGUT I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at le...
KURT VONNEGUT I am eternally grateful.. for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, rea...
KURT VONNEGUT How nice--to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.
KURT VONNEGUT All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It si...
KURT VONNEGUT Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in ...
KURT VONNEGUT A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.
KURT VONNEGUT Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to co...
KURT VONNEGUT We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The...
KURT VONNEGUT During my three years in Vietnam, I certainly heard plenty of last words by dying American footsoldi...
KURT VONNEGUT Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintena...
KURT VONNEGUT Here's what I think the truth is: We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to ...
KURT VONNEGUT Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remed...
KURT VONNEGUT I want to congratulate librarians,...who, all over this country, have staunchly resisted anti-democr...
KURT VONNEGUT I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnie...
KURT VONNEGUT Puny man can do nothing at all to help or please God Almighty, and Luck is not the hand of God.
KURT VONNEGUT I had no talent for science. What was infinitely worse: all my fraternity brothers were engineers.
KURT VONNEGUT All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It si...
KURT VONNEGUT Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudic...
KURT VONNEGUT Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
KURT VONNEGUT The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet...
KURT VONNEGUT Science sent the Hubble telescope out into space, so it could capture light and the absence thereof,...
KURT VONNEGUT As a Humanist, I love science. I hate superstition, which could never have given us A-bombs.
KURT VONNEGUT The statue was of a nude woman playing a slide trombone. It was entitles, enigmatically, Evelyn and ...
KURT VONNEGUT I consider anybody a twerp who hasn't read 'Democracy in America' by Alexis de Tocquevil...
KURT VONNEGUT Younger scientists are extremely sensitive to the moral implications of all they do.
KURT VONNEGUT All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old...
KURT VONNEGUT To be is to do - Socrates

To do is to be - Sartre

Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra
KURT VONNEGUT Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet an...
KURT VONNEGUT If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do...
KURT VONNEGUT But I have to say this in defense of humankind: In no matter what era in history, including the Gard...
KURT VONNEGUT And I apologize to all of you who are the same age as my grandchildren. And many of you reading this...
KURT VONNEGUT Our government's got a war on drugs. That's certainly better then no drugs at all.
KURT VONNEGUT Electronic communities build nothing. You wind up with nothing. We are dancing animals. How beautifu...
KURT VONNEGUT If you actually are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington, D.C. I know...
KURT VONNEGUT Only nut cases want to be president. This was true even in high school. Only clearly disturbed peopl...
KURT VONNEGUT Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. ...
KURT VONNEGUT Socialism" is no more an evil word than "Christianity." Socialism no more prescribed Joseph Stalin a...
KURT VONNEGUT I don't reveal to her that I love her. I keep poker faced. She might as well be looking at a cantalo...
KURT VONNEGUT The biggest truth to face now – what is probably making me unfunny now for the remainder of my lif...
KURT VONNEGUT When a couple has an argument nowadays they may think it s about money or power or sex or how to rai...
KURT VONNEGUT I was once asked if I had any ideas for a really scary reality TV show. I have one reality show that...
KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds ...
KURT VONNEGUT Music is, to me, proof of the existence of God. It is so extraordinarily full of magic, and in tough...
KURT VONNEGUT So I went to New York City to be born again. It was and remains easy for most Americans to go somewh...
KURT VONNEGUT That is how you get to be a writer, incidentally: you feel somehow marginal, somehow slightly off-ba...
KURT VONNEGUT The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody would be to not be used for anything by anybod...
KURT VONNEGUT Until you die .. it's all life.
KURT VONNEGUT Round and round we spin, with feet of lead and wings of tin.
KURT VONNEGUT We could have saved [the Earth] but we were too damned cheap.
KURT VONNEGUT All right - I'll tell you what you did for me: you went for happy, silly, beautiful walks with me.
KURT VONNEGUT You can't just eat good food. You've got to talk about it too. And you've got to talk about it to so...
KURT VONNEGUT Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.
KURT VONNEGUT And so it goes...
KURT VONNEGUT It may be that the most striking thing about members of my literary generation in retrospect will be...
KURT VONNEGUT So, in the interests of survival, they trained themselves to be agreeing machines instead of thinkin...
KURT VONNEGUT I am from a family of artists. Here I am, making a living in the arts. It has not been a rebellion. ...
KURT VONNEGUT If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE...
KURT VONNEGUT For some reason, the most vocal Christians among us never mention the Beatitudes (Matthew 5). But, o...
KURT VONNEGUT The fortifications have never been attacked, nor has any sane man ever proposed any reason why they ...
KURT VONNEGUT Bertrand Russell declared that, in case he met God, he would say to Him, "Sir, you did not give us e...
KURT VONNEGUT Be aware of this truth that the people on this earth could be joyous, if only they would live ration...
KURT VONNEGUT The most radical, audacious thing to think is that there might be some point to working hard and thi...
KURT VONNEGUT Fear hadn’t come to him yet. Pain hadn’t come where pain would come. There was only the feeling ...
KURT VONNEGUT And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.
KURT VONNEGUT I still catch myself feeling blue about things that don't matter anymore.
KURT VONNEGUT There was a still life on Billy's bedside table-two pills, an ashtray with three lipstick-stained ci...
KURT VONNEGUT The book was Maniacs in the Fourth Dimension, by Kilgore Trout. It was about people whose mental dis...
KURT VONNEGUT There is one other book, that can teach you everything you need to know about life... it's The Broth...
KURT VONNEGUT All this happened, more or less.
KURT VONNEGUT Here's the news: I am going to sue the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company, manufacturers of Pall...
KURT VONNEGUT Only in books do we learn what’s really going on.
KURT VONNEGUT The truth is, we know so little about life, we don't really know what the good news is and what the ...
KURT VONNEGUT Life is no way to treat an animal.
KURT VONNEGUT A saint is a person who behaves decently in a shockingly indecent society.
KURT VONNEGUT To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.
KURT VONNEGUT In case you haven't noticed, as the result of a shamelessly rigged election in Florida, in which tho...
KURT VONNEGUT I wanted all things
To seem to make some sense,
So we could all be happy, yes,
Instea...
KURT VONNEGUT Here is a lesson in creative writing.

First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transve...
KURT VONNEGUT Do you realize that all great literature is all about what a bummer it is to be a human being? Isn't...
KURT VONNEGUT I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
KURT VONNEGUT And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'I...
KURT VONNEGUT Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got t...
KURT VONNEGUT If somebody says 'I love you' to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can an...
KURT VONNEGUT All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist.
KURT VONNEGUT Live by the foma* that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.

*Harmless untruths
KURT VONNEGUT profanity and obscenity entitle people who don't want unpleasant information to close their ears and...
KURT VONNEGUT Sometimes I think that's the trouble with the world: too many people in high places who are stone-co...
KURT VONNEGUT One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or...
KURT VONNEGUT The church, which squatted among the headstones like a wet mother dodo, had been at various times Pr...
KURT VONNEGUT This person has just arrived on this planet, knows nothing about it, has no standards by which to ju...
KURT VONNEGUT My advice to writers just starting out? Don't use semi-colons! They are transvestite hermaphrodites,...
KURT VONNEGUT People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God.
KURT VONNEGUT Vietnam was an exercise in mistaken idealism; Iraq in cynical money-making. And there's no optimism ...
KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the ki...
KURT VONNEGUT This is a beguiling book,
KURT VONNEGUT and I'm whistling as beautifully as I can.
KURT VONNEGUT Here is the solution to the American drug problem suggested a couple years back by the wife of our P...
KURT VONNEGUT The year was 2081, and everyone was finally equal.
KURT VONNEGUT The human beings also passed canteens, which guards would fill with water. When food came in, the hu...
KURT VONNEGUT What he meant, of course, was that there would always be wars, that they were as easy to stop as gla...
KURT VONNEGUT Well, I know," she said. "You'll pretend you were men instead of babies, and you'll be played in the...
KURT VONNEGUT I am a very bad scientist. I will do anything to make a human being feel better, even if it's unscie...
KURT VONNEGUT The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I ...
KURT VONNEGUT Americans... are forever searching for love in forms it never takes, in places it can never be. It m...
KURT VONNEGUT It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead.
KURT VONNEGUT I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagian...
KURT VONNEGUT Swoopers write a story quickly, higgledy-piggledy, crinkum-crankum, any which way. Then they go over...
KURT VONNEGUT The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless...
KURT VONNEGUT Don't worry about your father. He's a perfectly contented, self-sufficient zombie.
KURT VONNEGUT How nice -- to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.
KURT VONNEGUT If you can do no good, at least do no harm.
KURT VONNEGUT Since Alice had never received any religious instruction, and since she had led a blameless life, sh...
KURT VONNEGUT There are no telegraphs on Tralfamadore. But you're right: each clump of symbols is a brief, urgent ...
KURT VONNEGUT Unfortunately, that still leaves plenty of Americans who don't read much or think much -- who will s...
KURT VONNEGUT You asked the impossible of a machine and the machine complied.
KURT VONNEGUT