I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.


Groucho Marx

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I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
FRANK ZAPPA
I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX
The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN
The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
MARK TWAIN
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
MARK TWAIN
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE
Men [sic] make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under ...
KARL MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
I do think that books, good books, free you. They make you feel a citizen of the world and things li...
SUE TOWNSEND
Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER
It is what it is, it is what you make it.
JAMES DURBIN
The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH
I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE
Decisions, particularly important ones, have always made me sleepy, perhaps because I know that I wi...
LILLIAN HELLMAN
I am Happy and satisfied with what I am. 10000 will take me wrong, 1000 will go against me, 100 will...
NEHA KOTHARI
I still love books. Nothing a computer can do can compare to a book. You can't really put a book on ...
RAY BRADBURY
My personal view is that such total planning by the state is an absolute good and not simply a relat...
JOHN GRIERSON
I think we could do better, but I think we did good. We had a lot of really good help. I feel really...
ANITA CARLTON
There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.
PETER SELLERS
There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed
PETER SELLERS
Don't think it. Do it!
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
You are not the world, but you are everything that makes the world good. Without you, my life would ...
KIERA CASS
I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX
It's clear to me that there is no good reason for many philosophy books to sound as complicated as t...
ALAIN BOTTON
It's clear to me that there is no good reason for many philosophy books to sound as complicated as t...
ALAIN DE BOTTON
I think that role model is kind of a weird thing because obviously you are, but I try to make good c...
DAKOTA FANNING
My books may highlight corruption, brutality and venality, but they also show that if these things c...
VIKAS SWARUP
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich...
MARK TWAIN
He has his good days and his bad days. He still sees friends. Company is good for him. He is still s...
DOT HELMS
Somebody asked me if I can still do it. I think I still can.
CORAZON AQUINO
Let your vision be ahead of your sight! Dream beyond what you see and never let your environment det...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR
Life is weird and wonderful like that, is it not.
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS
I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN
I think they couldn't beat us if we led but we still don't have to to win. But it is a good field.
ANTHONY BUTT
It was a good game for me, with the situation I was in. I think I did what they wanted me to do, so ...
CODY GLENN
I still have my school friends who are actually friends. It's nice that they don't think muc...
JACKIE EVANCHO
I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD
...So to be fast to don't be long and to try to be short... If you want to play the best game, creat...
DEYTH BANGER
Integrity is not everything, but it is the only thing that matters.
JEFFREY FRY
All the times I have suddenly realized that my parents are dead, even now, it still surprises me, to...
NICOLE KRAUSS
Still, if they offer me a good job under my conditions - which is that I can do anything I want- the...
DAN FARMER
I strongly believe that other maps exist, that other books exist but people may not see their import...
LIU GANG
They must be really good at what they do. But it was still worth it.
TIM PARKER
I want Chinese history to remember me as Carnegie is remembered. I want Chinese people to remember m...
CHEN GUANGBIAO
The thing that made Groucho special was the way he used his body parts. He also had a wicked tongue....
SIDNEY SHELDON
My big goal is to make it to state. I have pretty good shot at it, but I still have some work to do....
JULIE PETERFISH
me ... no me .. gone is gone , and i'm gone ..
alone is alone .. it's so bad to feel alone , b...
MAHDI KHMILI
Do. Then talk. In that order.
SOTERO M LOPEZ II
The one thing you can ask, I think, is that actors get paid a living wage. I would like it if all th...
IAN MCKELLEN
When I was a kid, I read books that made me laugh but also made me shiver in terror. I wanted to mak...
BRUCE COVILLE
And what do they want!?
DEYTH BANGER
One, I have a wonderful publisher, Black Sparrow Press; as long as they exist, they will keep me in ...
DIANE WAKOSKI
It calms me down seeing E.J. there. But I think it would have made me a little calmer if he had won ...
MARK NOE
Children know perfectly well that unicorns aren’t real, but they also know that books about unicor...
URSULA K. LE GUIN
Give me the waters of Lethe that numb the heart, if they exist, I will still not have the power to f...
OVID
Just like any one of us, they started with no road map or guarantee of success. But they went out an...
CAMILLE SWEENEY
Then I celebrated my Wall of Books. I counted the volumes on my twenty-foot-long modernist bookshelf...
GARY SHTEYNGART
You can't be that or that or that... but you can try to behave as that...

So, what next!?...
DEYTH BANGER
I love movies that make me cry, because they're tapping into a real emotion in me, and I always ...
JOHN LASSETER
Now that I think about it, I was arrested in 1992. Some people may think of that as a bad thing, but...
WINONA LADUKE
I like books that expose me to people unlike me and books that do battle against caricature or simpl...
ZADIE SMITH
They know what they want, but aren't sure how to find it.
JAMES C. DOBSON
I think there is a big opening to fill. I hope they do give me a good look.
JAMES JURRIES
All I'm trying to do is survive and make good out of the dirty, nasty, unbelievable lifestyle th...
TUPAC SHAKUR
Publishers vet books, and they do a good job keeping out the low quality. But they also miss some go...
J. A. KONRATH
Our life is a series of moments. Let them all go. Moments. All gathering towards this one.
NOW IS GOOD
I still don't think that my doctors told me exactly how bad it was. They told my wife. They tried to...
ERNIE ELS
I still understand a few words in life, but I no longer think they make a sentence.
JEAN ROSTAND
All good books are different but all bad books are exactly the same. I know this to be a fact becaus...
ROBERT HARRIS
In the books, I meet characters which I really like and I think that they are like me... but so far ...
DEYTH BANGER
But I think it's hard for me to only put out one record a year. Because I get too antsy. But it&...
TY SEGALL
The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny ...
DENIS LEARY
I do think that books are invaluable as a reservoir of what we call the human space. And this is why...
JUNOT DIAZ
I'll still make movies for studios, but my editing process will be much further removed from the...
SPIKE JONZE
To do is to be -- Marx. Do be do be do -- Sinatra.
UNKNOWN
True relaxation, which would do me the world of good, does not exist for me.
GUSTAV KLIMT
Books are but messengers, what we do with that messages? we stack it and make no use of it.
BRADLEY B. DALINA
People make me key chains... someone attached a Dauntless symbol to a silver pen. That one is what I...
VERONICA ROTH
I think there is something in my books that says these are people doing their best under difficult c...
SONYA HARTNETT
It is good to listen to others, but I must still determine what applies to me.
JIM GENOVESE
When I think about it, I'm happily bewildered that people will preorder my books They'll pre...
DAVID MITCHELL
My skin still crawls if you call me a movie star. I get embarrassed. I think, don't be ridiculou...
KATE WINSLET
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX
Books give us insight into other people, other cultures. They make us laugh. They make us think. If ...
KARIN SLAUGHTER
I do not hurt people, they just make me do it.
M.F. MOONZAJER
I still don't think they know how good they are, how good they could be.
GRADY BENNETT
Nothing exists until or unless it is observed. An artist is making something exist by observing it. ...
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS
Nothing exists until or unless it is observed. An artist is making something exist by observing it. ...
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS
Nothing exists until or unless it is observed. An artist is making something exist by observing it. ...
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS
I like facts, I like books, I like films... but you still know the few from everything about me.
DEYTH BANGER
I do think his books would reward reading by people who think they don't like fantasy.
MICHAEL CHABON
If Indian Vale is as good as we think she is and she runs her race, she'll make me look good, ... If...
ANGEL JR.
If Indian Vale is as good as we think she is and she runs her race, she'll make me look good. If I m...
ANGEL JR
If Indian Vale is as good as we think she is and she runs her race, she'll make me look good, ... If...
ANGEL CORDERO JR.

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX
Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX