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If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?


Groucho Marx

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I don't think twice about picking up my dog's poop, but if another dog's poop is next to it, I think...
JONAH GOLDBERG Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the othe...
JERRY SEINFELD The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX Our running game is going to play a big role. Our O-line is picking up more and more up on their key...
ANTWUN WILLIAMS Dogs are angels full of poop.
OLIVER GASPIRTZ Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX If pinpointing God's presence were really that simple, then he supposed the beaches would be more cr...
NICHOLAS SPARKS I would overhear these conversations of people who show purebred dogs. They spoke about them as if t...
CHRISTOPHER GUEST If you were up to your neck in cat vomit and someone threw dog poop at you would you duck?
JOEL SAMAHA There are some upon this earth of yours who lay claim to know us, and who do their deeds of passion,...
CHARLES DICKENS I think this is ridiculous. It's their responsibility. Last month they told us if we called immediat...
CHUCK MCMEEKIN Grandchildren now don't write a thank you for the Christmas presents. They are walking on their pant...
ALAN SIMPSON If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.
MARGARET THATCHER So far, guys have been picking each other up. If someone can't get it done, someone else gets up to ...
TONY GERHARZ If I am to explain the difference between east and west, I would only say this: " They love their do...
MOE GHALAYINI I think that it would be unwise of us not to believe that there is life outside of us, intelligent l...
SIA We adjusted our defense and started picking up their tips. We kept our heads in the game.
BECKY EMRICH If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.
MARGARET THATCHER Undocumented aliens unfortunately are not protected by the law, and they are tremendously subjected ...
RUTH BADER GINSBURG This does not mean the parish is getting into the animal control business. We are not, ... We won't ...
ZACHARY TAYLOR She loves dogs. And in time, who knows, maybe she would even have ended up loving the type of dogs w...
RICHARD FINNEY If our ancestors could see us today, surely they would think us gods.
DAN BROWN People don't know what price people paid to make America human. In cities where we were marching, wh...
WILLIAM KENNEDY Those guys are talented but it is all about experience now, ... You saw what they can do. You saw Wi...
DUCE STALEY I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite th...
CHELSEA HANDLER When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE It just affected us. All week in practices, we just busted our butts and worked on picking up our in...
JUSTIN WENDT If they saw where we were living, they would not send us back,
JOSE LUIS Everybody who put in their time, I think they saw that it was well-spent.
ANDY BEAN I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.
JAMES THURBER I saw us doing well and I knew we would be OK in our season, but I didn't think we would go undefeat...
BETHANY HORNSBY You can tell the state of civilization by the way people dress. If the people who fought two World W...
DAPHNE GUINNESS We have to prioritize our mission _ to go after the highest priority _ and that would be criminal al...
CARL RUSNOK Who are these people sharing the street with me? What is going on in their worlds, inside their head...
ALISON LARKIN And what's above all... above us... Who is God!?

- Who are the aliens... who are the peop...
DEYTH BANGER Not a leaf moved. Everything was gray. All the houses were the same one color. There were no squirre...
GARO ALEXANIAN The point, as Marx saw it, is that dreams never come true.
HANNAH ARENDT This is kind of a natural instinct that the dog has. We don't know what the dogs are detecting for s...
DARLENE SULLIVAN I think life would be so much funnier if every day you saw someone walking down the street getting h...
HARLAND WILLIAMS I think if we ever encountered aliens, even communicating with them would be really, really difficul...
DAVID S. GOYER I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX I remember them coming to our place (in 2003) and beating us in a close game. You saw them go up and...
JJ SIMMONS Golden retrievers are not bred to be guard dogs, and considering the size of their hearts and their ...
DEAN KOONTZ When I'm rhyming it's all in my head... Like the slaves, when they were picking cotton, they would b...
WYCLEF JEAN If women were in charge of everything, there would be women tyrants. If black people were in charge,...
CLARISSA PINKOLA ESTES Since dogs could hear and smell better than men, we could concentrate on sight. Since courage is com...
DONALD MCCAIG Men are not dogs. We merely think we are and, on occasion, act as if we are. But, by believing in ou...
NEIL STRAUSS We meet aliens every day who have something to give us. They come in the form of people with differe...
WILLIAM SHATNER They were beating us with fists and batons and were kicking us. Then they cuffed our hands and also ...
BASSEM SHAKER The conclusion I have reached is that, above all, dogs are witnesses. They are allowed access to our...
CAROLYN PARKHURST If only the people who worry about their liabilities would think about the riches they do possess, t...
DALE CARNEGIE They busted out on us in the second quarter. We weren't picking up in rotation, and we were fouling ...
BERNARD THOMAS Some people live as though they are already dead. There are people moving around us who are consumed...
THICH NHAT HANH I believe in aliens. I think it would be way too selfish of us as mankind to believe we are the only...
DEMI LOVATO Belief in God puts our life on autopilot. We know that someone up there is watching us and is in con...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I was so appalled. They were kind of waiting for Terry to walk out and perhaps take a poop or someth...
SHIRLEY MACLAINE I didn't see people leaving; I saw people coming up. Our feeder program is phenomenal. People only s...
KYLE RODGERS You look at the Pew Hispanic Center study on the number of illegal aliens in America and the number ...
MO BROOKS Who snitched?"
"We have people monitoring police radio frequencies. They gave Jim a heads-up in...
ILONA ANDREWS They ran into a German family who saw them walking through their fields. Every time he remembered ho...
EMORY JONES III The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN Robots should stand up for themselves and not try to be humans. They should either utterly destroy u...
DANIEL H. WILSON Which is amazing if you think about it. We don't even allow them to bring their cats and dogs.
MICHAEL WACHOLDER They all produced their best game since I have been in charge. Not only Zidane, not only Thuram, not...
RAYMOND DOMENECH The reality is, J&J probably doesn't care, ... It has the money to pay whatever breakup fee is invol...
JOHN PUTNAM How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?
JAY LENO Sometime I wish the aliens would abduct me and crown me as their leader.
GEORGE NOORY I'm not racist I just think differently.
POOP POOP Every morning after all the absentee reports were in, he would leave walking and go to your house. I...
ANNIE MCGEE This was a legitimate concern for us. This wasn't just picking up bread and milk. We had hardcore da...
MAYOR DEAN MAZZARELLA The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH What happens if aliens take over and their leader is actualy Michael Jackson, we all suffer
BOBMCFRANK MCONALD life was far more complicated than it had appeared to be in the Yard and that it was people who were...
W. BRUCE CAMERON We were picking up their hitters early and closing in on the block.
BRIAN DOYON He plays the game like a veteran. He's looking at the game like a veteran. I saw some of the reads h...
FRED MILLER There are employers in this state who are more than willing to hire illegal aliens. Hiring illegal a...
REP. SCOTT BEASON If people will not eat dogs they will not die but because of their taste dogs do die...
JAI SINGH I saw those coaches and those players, how much they cared about each other. I saw them picking each...
LEONARD GORDON If I was in charge of the money to build sidewalks in Great Falls, I'd build them where I see paths ...
ANNIE TAYLOR They were in a spot with little flood damage but tremendous wind damage, ... They asked us if we cou...
DAN TAYLOR They were walking up the stairs, toting their own bottles,
FRANK BASS I wish they would remember that the charge to Peter was "Feed my sheep", not "Try experiments on my ...
C. S. LEWIS If vampires and werewolves were walking around today, there would be chaos. People would be losing t...
RUTINA WESLEY The problem is to ensure that the bondholders, who will become shareholders, are able to express the...
MARCO ONADO I just think Cheeseburger's is bad neighbor, and they need to clean their act up and let us live in ...
JACK BALDWIN We thought we'd get 50 from the Hilton, and they gave us 450. We're still picking up donations.
GEORGINE GETTY When I'm rhyming it's all in my head... Like the slaves, when they were picking cotton, they...
WYCLEF JEAN There's something very fishy there. We had people before our committee who were well trained in the ...
BERNARD SANDERS If those in charge of our society - politicians, corporate executives, and owners of press and telev...
HOWARD ZINN especially if they involve activities which would probably be forbidden by the grown-ups in charge.
ALEXANDRA DAY I see Democrats picking up a couple of states. I think there is a slim chance they can pick up the S...
JENNIFER DUFFY If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't t...
STEPHEN HAWKING

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX