I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

I draw hundreds and hundreds of pictures of sort of gnarly looking men, so I don't know what that tells you. People who look like... they're waiting for a sandwich that's never going to come. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.