I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy.

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

I fart in your general direction.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

I'm delighted that we have been able to assemble such a stellar cast of British comedy acting talent.

I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg.
I felt dirty and stupid.