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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure


Groucho Marx

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I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH They had the momentum of the game going their way. I have to give them a ton of credit ... we gave t...
TY GRIFFITH The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN In 1976, Rastafarians were one of the most violated, persecuted groups in Jamaica. They could be bea...
MARLON JAMES I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD Out of compassion I destroy the darkness of their ignorance. From within them I light the lamp of wi...
BHAGAVAD GITA Out of compassion I destroy the darkness of their ignorance. From within them I light the lamp of w...
BHAGAVAD GITA The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX I have learned to become not an M.D. but a 'C.D.' for the wounded people I meet. Yes, a '...
BERNIE SIEGEL I wasn't a cheerleader or in the choir. I didnt have loads of friends.
GWEN STEFANI It's really my being lucky enough to bag an inch of candle that incites me to this pitch of punctual...
ISAAC ROSENBERG I am a Marxist... of the Groucho tendency.
SOURCE UNKNOWN I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
ANONYMOUS An inch of time is an inch of gold, but you can't buy that inch of time with an inch of gold
CHINESE PROVERBS I remember the first time I received a cassette tape of a band called The Clash. I became an instant...
MICHAEL MOORE It's going to be a major event in their lives. It's something I wanted them to see.
JUSTIN MARTIN Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX Outward simplicity befits ordinary men, like a garment made to measure for them; but it serves as an...
JEAN DE LA BRUYERE We have to remove the red tape so they can get these checks and start to rebuild their lives,
TOM DELAY I'm going to watch tape to see where I could have made a difference.
ANTWAN PEEK I just lost it. I saw the base line was open. It was just a fraction of an inch.
TOM SALTER Memory is the great deceiver. Perhaps there are some individuals whose memories act like tape record...
NEIL GAIMAN "The devil made me do it" I have never made one of them do anything. They live their own lives. I do...
NEIL GAIMAN Maybe it was the sideburns, but I just didnt fit in. (Elvis speaking about his youth)
ELVIS PRESLEY I was in second, but then a girl jumped an inch over me so I was at 36-02 and she was at 36-2.5.
ISARIA RANSON Courage is getting away from death by continually coming within an inch of it.
G. K. CHESTERTON I think you're going to have a lot of cautions, ... and not all because of the racetrack, [but also]...
ELLIOTT SADLER I don't like the way recording to digital sounds. Most of the time, when I'm recording to tw...
M. WARD It used to be (college) coaches would come in and evaluate tape. Within a few minutes, they could te...
TOM PADJEN I did my English A level in England, and we studied Shakespeare. I had great, great high school teac...
JOSS WHEDON My closest friend, who died not long ago, is buried near Marx's grave in Highgate cemetery, so I...
ALASTAIR CAMPBELL You can't measure manhood with a tape line around his biceps.
BILLY SUNDAY If you dont love somebody, it gets annoying if they tell you what to do or what to feel. When you lo...
DONALD MILLER If you try to measure love's power, you will run out of measuring tape.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We...
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. I didn’t have any of these dreams or thoughts, but I was going to acquire them.
BOB DYLAN I have an obligation to share with the people of this state information that may well be credible to...
GRAY DAVIS People who believe they have the power to exercise some measure of control over their lives are heal...
ALBERT BANDURA He knew that his wings could ignite at any moment, but the closer he came to touching the fire, the ...
PAUL AUSTER According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is be...
GROUCHO MARX I was like a big clumsy giant trying to do something that flies do better … The flower is probably ...
ELAINE NASH But the rest of what I was doing is … is like spinning. I sit in a room of thirty people I don�...
BARBARA DELINSKY I was never freaked out about what was going to happen to me. But I always believed in my heart (Arm...
BILL STAPLETON It was not illegal. I know they're going to measure. Why would I go out with an illegal stick? What ...
JAROMIR JAGR The same way i could live when I didnt know you, I can live without you after letting you go, But th...
DALEEN IRSHAID The answer isn't more time but a greater awareness of the time we have.
CRAIG GROESCHEL It's not as hard as everybody thinks -- honest. They know our personnel. We know their personnel. Fr...
CHRIS RASO There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for ones own safety i...
JOSEPH HELLER Honestly, I never thought I'd actually be playing a teen lesbian. I didn't think it was goin...
NAYA RIVERA Guess what, we have the tape. I was astonished.
AL LASSO In an age robbed of religious symbols, going to the shops replaces going to the church. We have a fr...
STEPHEN BAYLEY (When thinking about the Ruth character) I have a terrible image in my mind of a cow going to slaugh...
CLORIS LEACHMAN [Brad] Radke said I was talking too much, so he put tape all over me. But I am the cheerleader of th...
CARLOS SILVA I think it was the biggest moment of their lives. Ed Sullivan was an icon for that generation.
ED SULLIVAN It was an excellent ceremony. I think it was very deserving of the people who gave their lives.
JACK LYNCH I woke up and I was upset. A lot of times I watch tape, and I pause it and see what's going on. That...
STEVE ALFORD But in the end, the one that stood by their word was Appalachian State. I think he's going to make a...
LOU GEARY Why is it that if you hit a shot to within a tenth of an inch of the hole, it's a great shot, bu...
DAVID L. WOLPER I would be content if I had nothing but a tape-recorder. I could still write songs and record them.
BARRY GIBB I don't write from dreams because I don't remember mine, but I had a fragment of an image le...
TAMORA PIERCE I love you so much, so incredibly much," he went on, "and I forget when you're close to me, I forget...
CASSANDRA CLARE Sea Shepherd is to terrorism what Groucho was to Marxism.
PAUL WATSON The thing that made Groucho special was the way he used his body parts. He also had a wicked tongue....
SIDNEY SHELDON I knew the school was going to be crowded, but I never thought it would be within a year's time.
LIZ BRADSHER I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give...
OSCAR WILDE We think wireless is going to grow tremendously. Do I think people are going to watch an episode of ...
LESLIE MOONVES I was surprised I achieved one of their award levels within a year.
BARRY BREEN I think most serious writers, certainly in the modern period, use their own lives or the lives of pe...
CHAIM POTOK I am convinced that people that commit suicide do it not only to end their pain but to hurt those pe...
CARL WHITE I might have created the phrase 'memory tools', but people have always found talismans to he...
M. J. ROSE We played them two years ago in a regional. [Lewis] was the starting point guard as a freshman, and ...
STEVE KETCHUM Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
OSCAR WILDE Georgetown knows how to set the ball up and they can finish really nicely. It was a matter of us giv...
BONNIE ROSEN That was an off game for them, they've played better. I've seen them on tape play everybody tough. T...
CHARLES COLES When I was a child, life felt so slow because all I wanted to do was get into show business. Each da...
BRUCE FORSYTH I give it an I (incomplete) in red tape, ... There's definitely red tape at the university.
KATIE BARRY They were normal everyday people. I was humbled by their strength, even though probably none of them...
HANNAH TURNER Exchanging gifts is an important thing in the steppe culture, a way for them to feel you have become...
TIM COPE I think Canadians are tired of politicians that are spun and scripted within an inch of their life, ...
JUSTIN TRUDEAU I do a lot of inspirational talks for kids, to motivate them to change their lives and give them hop...
ADAM BEACH Lena realized that a fundamental layer of their happiness depended on the four of them being close t...
ANN BRASHARES I will have an administrative system where there is no way to extricate red tape.
JAMES Q. WILSON I am sure that, on the one hand, the Rothschilds appreciate the merits of Marx, and that on the othe...
MIKHAIL BAKUNIN The officials told me that they got locked up and both of them were too active with their arms or th...
CARROLL MCCRAY You give No. 18 (Thompson) a half an inch and she's going to score.
KEVIN CASSIDY I suspect that many corporations have begun to understand that they have an important role to play i...
DAVID ROCKEFELLER I think I'm going to do a workout tape called 'Hand to God to Abs of Steel.'
GENEVA CARR I didnt like being reminded about how self-absorbed i was. I wanted to be over this, done with this....
DONALD MILLER Winners have the ability to step back from the canvas of their lives like an artist gaining perspect...
DENIS WAITLEY Winners have the ability to step back from the canvas of their lives like an artist gaining perspect...
DENIS WAITLEY

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX