I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

A severed foot is the perfect stocking stuffer.

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "F**k it. Cut em up."