Roseanne Barr
Related Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON It looks ancient," - Amy Cahill JUDE WATSON It SMELLS ancient," - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON Palm trees were fanned by a warm, light breeze, and they rolled down their windows to smell the sea. JUDE WATSON I can tell you that you will have your hearts broken more by the people you love than by the people ... MARGARET PETERSON HADDIX MARY STEENBURGEN At the end of the day, even if my part is a bit goofy, the key thing is that I'm doing what I lo... EUGENE LEVY I'm sporty, active, bubbly, I like to make people laugh... I'm the jokester. But I'm als... COCO LEE Let's head out to the ruins." - Dan Cahill ROLAND SMITH CLARENCE THOMAS About f-f-ace!" she said to the horse, flailing with her boots. "Into the barn, please. It's time fo... PETER LERANGIS RICK RIORDAN I love to see people laugh and put a smile on peoples' faces. Anytime I'm doing that I'm... DEXTER DARDEN I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I d... DAVE ATTELL I'm pretty goofy. I really do like to sing and dance in real life. I'm a rhythmic person. I ... XOSHA ROQUEMORE MALIN AKERMAN One of the biggest misconceptions about me is that I'm a comedian, which I'm not. A comedian... EUGENE LEVY I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I&#... AMY SCHUMER The word's out: I'm a woman, and I'm going to have trouble backing off on that. I am wha... ELIZABETH WARREN AALIYAH I'm still a big 'Grey's Anatomy' fan. BROOKE ELLIOTT I used to watch 'Grey's Anatomy' pretty religiously. ERINN HAYES RICK RIORDAN DAVID RUBENSTEIN It's such a great feeling to make people laugh. I know I've made people cry or want to slit ... JOAN ALLEN I'm a good audience in general, but it's hard to make me laugh. DAN FOGLER GREG BEHRENDT I always feel like 'as long as I'm doin' what I love to do, the money's naturally go... AKON Alas, I think I am becoming a god. TITUS LUCAN LUCAN NATHAN FIELDER JOAN RIVERS People don't mind insulting the tall. We're supposed to be fine with being awkward and skinn... STEPHEN MERCHANT JANE LEVY BILL BURR JIMMY FALLON MICHAEL CAINE ADAM SANDLER RED SKELTON I'm an actor, and I'm supposed to reflect real people. TAMSIN GREIG KENDRA WILKINSON I'm a laugh tart. I make no secret of that fact. HUGH GRANT Don't have to see," the pilot grunted. "Olga knows the way."GORDON KORMAN I'm pretty goofy, I'll do anything for a laugh. CODY LINLEY JOHN MELLENCAMP I went through a lot in middle school, and you always try so many different looks and try to be so m... IRELAND BALDWIN SENECA SENECA SENECA SENECA SENECA SENECA SENECA RUSSELL PETERS CARRIE UNDERWOOD JUDITH VIORST There are these showcase clubs where 14 guys will go on in a row and people are laughing at everythi... NORM MACDONALD I like to do comedy. It's my real passion. I want to make people laugh. GAD ELMALEH PAUL LYNDE JESSE MCCARTNEY JOHN HOWARD JEFF DUNHAM Orlando's a part of me. The next guy's a part of me. And the next guy's a part of me. Th... SHEMAR MOORE I'm trying to shut up and let my angels speak to me and tell me what I'm supposed to do. PATRICK SWAYZE DREW FULLER EVA LONGORIA There's this ridiculous idea that I'm a gender traitor because I'm not a feminist. I'... LAUREN SOUTHERN RICHARD SIMMONS Everybody remembers 'Just Shoot Me,' and I'm very proud of that. It's still on TV, a... ENRICO COLANTONI I laugh a lot in horror films. If I'm scared in a horror film, I try to think about what's s... JASON REITMAN NATHAN FIELDER I'm just writing about people. People are dark and complicated. I'm trying to tell the truth... DAVID LINDSAY-ABAIRE A lot of people want to make films and do photography and things, but I'm quite happy doing what... SYD BARRETT I'm not normally a jewelry person. I'm supposed to be a working class champion and all, and ... BUBBA SPARXXX KENDALL JENNER TREVOR NOAH CAMILA CABELLO MAC MILLER TREVOR NOAH STEVEN WRIGHT I'm a student of the movies. I'm a student of all media. This is what I do, and I like to im... IAN ZIERING BILL BURR I always find Victoria's Secret models a bit weird. EDIE CAMPBELL CAROL BURNETT OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN When I'm rapping, like, a turn up song, I'm thinking about what the people want to hear; thi... TINK I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I... BOB SAGET By the way, I'm funniest when I'm not being funny. I'm better to laugh at than with, pre... JEMIMA KIRKE IRIS APFEL JANINE DI GIOVANNI TEDDY THOMPSON DEMETRI MARTIN I'm conservative, and people know where I stand. They can trust me to do what I say I'm goin... SHARRON ANGLE JULIANNE MOORE COLIN KAEPERNICK GARY OWENS Look, I want to be able to make the stupidest movies ever, because they make people laugh and they m... MARLON WAYANS Things are better now that the attention has subsided a bit, and I'm happier. Now I can concentr... LIU XIANG I think in any profession, in general, you always imagine yourself at the top of it. And I'm not... JACOB BATALON
More Roseanne Barr
ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR ROSEANNE BARR Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I c... ROSEANNE He attacked the nurses, he attacked widow's pensions, he attacked firefighters, he attacked teachers... ROSEANNE There isn't any 'New Man.' The New Man is the old man, only he whines more. ROSEANNE A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like a doughnut... ROSEANNE I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I fi... ROSEANNE Birth control that really works: Every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids. ROSEANNE I hate the word housewife; I don't like the word home-maker either. I want to be called Domestic God... ROSEANNE The world makes you into a bitch, no matter how quietly you go, so you may as well go kicking and sc... ROSEANNE Anthony's place at the table since he was a toddler was next to mine, ... Now that seat is empty. ROSEANNE My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. ROSEANNE I'm only upset that I'm not a widow. [On her ex-husband Tom Arnold] ROSEANNE The quickest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage. ROSEANNE The inspector general is still in the process of assessing the referral from the [auditor], ... No o... ROSEANNE The auction was actually pretty sloppy, ROSEANNE I think we're looking at a pretty strong housing market despite the fact that starts didn't rise, ..... ROSEANNE I'm pleased that it was so successful, ... I hope they pay attention to the video so we don't lose a... ROSEANNE The kids got to run some plays which they have been working on in practice tonight, ... It is always... ROSEANNE I'd see them leave at the end of the show and think, 'Maybe for the rest of the night something is h... ROSEANNE Business has turned really sluggish. There is a lack of traffic in the stores, ... There is overall ... ROSEANNE The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it. ROSEANNE There's a certain class of mutual fund investors who are quite sensitive to negative news. And you c... ROSEANNE I know how to do anything - I'm a mom. ROSEANNE I saw Sinatra and the Pope on TV when I was two and said 'Who's that guy with Frank Sinatra?' ROSEANNE Women are cursed and men are the proof. ROSEANNE [Her talk of entrepreneurship falls on receptive ears at WIM, more so now than ever.] Previously, ab... ROSEANNE There were some issues and a lack of police presence, ROSEANNE I think books find their way to you when you need them. ROSEANNE CASH Kindness is always fashionable, and always welcome. AMELIA BARR The fate of love is that it always seems too little or too much. AMELIA BARR BOB BARR DONNA BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR MATT BARR JULIA BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR There are no little events in life, those we think of no consequence may be full of fate, and it is ... AMELIA BARR Spiritual favors are not always to be looked for, and not always to be relied on. AMELIA BARR This world is run with far too tight a rein for luck to interfere. Fortune sells her wares; she neve... AMELIA BARR Whatever the scientists may say, if we take the supernatural out of life, we leave only the unnatura... AMELIA BARR Human relations are built on feeling, not on reason or knowledge. And feeling is not an exact scienc... AMELIA BARR The fate of love is that it always seems too little or too much AMELIA BARR Solitude is such a potential thing. We hear voices in solitude, we never hear in the hurry and turmo... AMELIA BARR It is always the simple that produces the marvelous. AMELIA BARR The great difference between voyages rests not with the ships, but with the people you meet on them. AMELIA BARR Kindness is always fashionable. AMELIA BARR . . . solitude is such a potential thing. We hear voices in solitude, we never hear in the hurry an... AMELIA BARR We came out intense and aggressive, ... That was one of the best first quarters I've seen from an Io... ANDY BARR I thought our girls did a great job of defending five, six, seven passes all night long. It is a cre... ANDY BARR I thought our girls did a great job of defending five, six, seven passes all night long, ... It is a... ANDY BARR They really slow it down offensively. They'll push the ball if they get a break, great. If not, they... ANDY BARR It just shows how unselfish a player she is, ... She cares about the team's success more than her ow... ANDY BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR That is the great mistake about the affections. It is not the rise and fall of empires, the birth an... AMELIA BARR It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it. AMELIA BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR MATT BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR ROSANNE BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR No contemporary poet has brought so much lived experience into such formally perfect poems as Richar... JOHN BARR We are confident that the merger authorities will conclude that this merger is unlawful and cannot g... WILLIAM BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR The waves were coming over the boat and it was cold and very wet. JIM BARR It is little men know of women; their smiles and their tears alike are seldom what they seem. AMELIA BARR All changes are more or less tinged with melancholy, for what we are leaving behind is part of ourse... AMELIA BARR Coming away from that with zero points really hurt. Then we got the football to start the second hal... CRAIG BARR We'll see how these go, and if demand is high, we'll start offering our semester long classes in the... AMY BARR Our current learners come from a wide variety of backgrounds. We've got students from the home schoo... AMY BARR BOB BARR I realized that while we may not be able to donate as much as we would have liked if we had not been... YVETTE BARR I think he's very open, ... He seems to weigh any given proposal on its merits. JAMES BARR They were grabbing and holding Jones' jersey all night long, but then we got the offensive (penalty)... CRAIG BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR That's definitely the most modern dance-like piece. She used a lot of partnering and creating fantas... AMY BARR To have 100 percent efficacy is something that you have very rarely. We're breaking out the champagn... ELIAV BARR If you give David Bolland five seconds in the slot like that, he's probably going to get off a prett... DAVE BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR But what do we know of the heart nearest to our own? What do we know of our own heart? AMELIA BARR I think one of the best ways to learn about gardening is to visit gardens. BRIAN BARR This agreement validates our strategy to create a large and diverse development portfolio across the... BRIAN BARR BOB BARR That’s the thing about living on the earth – we humans can make all sorts of decisions and plans... HEIDI BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR BOB BARR ROSANNE BARR GTE must be in a position, if necessary, to vindicate its rights and ensure that all its concerns ha... WILLIAM BARR Our board is kind of absorbing and digesting where we are now, and what the Legislature has been dis... GREG BARR I love that record, it's a classic. It's one of those songs that if you hear it when you're having a... BILL BARR I even mentioned it would only be right if we had a school named after him and he said no. BILL BARR He's an amazing man. Here is a man of unbelievable character... who has his ideals and philosophies ... BILL BARR At some point, there may be a reason, but they need to say why they need to be on at this time. BILL BARR
I'm kind of a laugh junkie. It's what I appreciate in life, because life is rich and sometim... 
It's fascinating that people, there's so many people now who will make judgments based on wh... 
You see?" Damien leaned over his desk and spread out half a dozen charcoal sketches. "These are only... 
I don't mind being goofy and silly. I love to make people laugh and I'm not self-conscious. 
I'm the interpreter. I'm the one who takes your words and brings them to life. I was trained... 
I think it's a little unfair for people to say you're not paying your fair share of taxes. I... 
I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny becau... 
Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. 
I have a wife, I have sons: all of them hostages given to fate. 
I seem to get into situations that make people laugh, but I don't consider myself that funny of ... 
Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding yo... 
I'm from the suburbs and where I'm from didn't necessarily have people like you see in &... 
The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I'm in a non-writing-joke mode, and I ju... 
I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'... 
I'm a frustrated stand-up comic. If you hand me a microphone and I get one laugh, then I'll ... 
I do love the films I've done in the past. I work hard in my movies and my friends work hard and... 
I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up. 
I would get my laugh insured! Because my laugh is very important: it's a million dollar laugh, s... 
If I laugh a couple of times a day, I'm doing good. People think it's their God-given right ... 
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. 
Just as I shall select my ship when I am about to go on a voyage, or my house when I propose to take... 
Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life. 
I think a lot of people mistake my confidence on stage for cockiness in real life, and that's ac... 
So many people always try to help me carry my luggage and help me do things I can do myself. If I ca... 
Starting after 60, I thought, 'I'm not going to be able to write a book of poems on the 70s.... 
I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs ... 
I love a girl that can make me laugh. I am not really a laugh-at-things type of guy and I don't ... 
I'm direct, I'm unpretentious and I'm pretty dogged, and I hope I've got a capacity ... 
What I do for a living is whimsical and fun and ridiculous. I'm supposed to make people laugh. W... 
All I do is have fun. When I'm not working, it's about making people laugh. I love making jo... 
I'm a fabulous date, I make sure I look good, I like hearing what a guy has to say and I make su... 
I'm a real paradox. Because I'm a very serious person, and I take my work very seriously. Bu... 
Dramas make me laugh. The other day, I saw 'The Place Beyond the Pines,' and I was giggling ... 
Modelling isn't something I'm doing to prove people wrong. It's something I'm doing ... 
The first purpose of comedy is to make people laugh. Anything deeper is a bonus. Some comedians want... 
Now and forevermore, I'm going to stick up for immigrants, and I'm going to stick up for His... 
I'm gonna make music, and I'm gonna capture every aspect of being a human being. That's ... 
As a comedian, I'm forced to have a tough skin. Until people laugh, they are detractors. You wal... 
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi... 
Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me; it's what I do, and this is what... 
Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a g... 
There's a rumor going around that I'm Miss Goody-two-shoes from Australia. Well, that's ... 
I think people have to sharpen their eyes and look. I always feel like a big sponge: I feel like I l... 
From the earliest age, I was just different. I think that's part of every writer's little re... 
I think I'm too cynical for L.A. My sense of humor doesn't go down well here, which probably... 
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quiet... 
Once I've ascertained that I'm safe and I'm with a director who is taking care of me, th... 
This stand wasn't because I feel like I'm being put down in any kind of way. This is because... 
I'm not a mean comic, I don't want to turn anybody off - I just want to give a point of view... 
Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap pap... 
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then he... 
Everything that's written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, lik... 
The 2011 riots in England, which left five dead and caused more than $300 million in property damage... 
Guys always think tears are a sign of weakness. They’re a sign of FRUSTRATION. She’s only crying... 
Unfortunately, most gun control advocates are not really interested in rational debate, and their po... 
Iran is not a make-believe country. It is a real country populated by some 75 million people - real ... 
Food is a huge passion of mine, and because I want to eat whatever I want, I run every morning, and ... 
I know my husband really loves me because he takes me to have ribs. He says I'm the only girl he... 
My sister was drowning in the ocean once, and my brother and I dove in and saved her. True story. Sh... 
I call myself a 'domestic goddess.'. 
I'd get married again. But only to a lesbian.