Dave Attell
Related EDDIE MURPHY I've been doing stand-up just about every night since I started in 1989. It's my home base. ... JUDAH FRIEDLANDER BILL BURR DENNIS MILLER I don't come from a comedy background or a stand-up background, but I think that sometimes there... DARREN BOYD KENDALL JENNER DAVID THEWLIS One of the biggest misconceptions about me is that I'm a comedian, which I'm not. A comedian... EUGENE LEVY NICOLE KIDMAN I can't stand to watch anything that I'm in. I tear it apart. The worst thing you can do is ... ELIAS KOTEAS CHRIS ROCK I'll always keep you guessing. I'm living up to the name. It's powerful. That's just... FUTURE And if people do like me, I think it's because I'm a stand-up guy. DAVID DUVAL ADAM DEVINE Being on TV sucks. It's a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change... GABRIEL IGLESIAS Some people say I'm conscious, some say I'm a gangsta rapper - it's just me doing me. I&... NAS I'm a musician. It's what I do! I wouldn't be too good at anything else. CHAD SMITH ROSEANNE BARR DMX KEVIN HART I do what I love to do at the moment. If I wake up tomorrow and decide I want to dance, that's w... AYUMI HAMASAKI I'm not a joke guy; I'm not a stand-up comic. EUGENE LEVY I'm a big eater. I mean, a lot of my stand-up is about food, and you write about what you know, ... JIM GAFFIGAN But for everyone, I think, there is always a pressure to conform, and I guess as you get older you r... FELICITY JONES ADAM SANDLER Comedy is my choice, as it's what I've always enjoyed doing. BELINDA STEWART-WILSON FRED HAMPTON NICOLE KIDMAN DAVID JOHANSEN I'm the elected sheriff, and I'm going to keep doing what the Constitution says I can do. JOE ARPAIO I just keep doing what I'm doing and don't ever give up. QUVENZHANE WALLIS FAMKE JANSSEN SCOTTY MCCREERY DON RICKLES I'm rarely in a position where I can actually answer my phone without being rude to someone else... STEVE HUFFMAN NAT WOLFF JACKSON POLLOCK MIRANDA HART HILLARY CLINTON Surfing makes me happy, so that's just what I'm going to keep doing. ALANA BLANCHARD Sometimes people ask me, 'You do stand-up?' I try explaining what I do, and I don't thin... CHARLYNE YI I don't think much. I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing. Adjust on the fly... DREW POMERANZ But it's a blessing to be so successful within a year; it's the greatest feeling in the worl... LUDACRIS TERRY BRADSHAW The thing is, if I try to talk about acting, I come off as moaning. But I'm privileged. I think ... PADDY CONSIDINE For a while now I've had this feeling that there's something that I'm supposed to be doi... EMMA CAULFIELD I know what you're doing, though."GRACE BURROWES JULIANNE MOORE I'm conservative, and people know where I stand. They can trust me to do what I say I'm goin... SHARRON ANGLE I'm in a sketch comedy group in school and I also do stand-up. JACK QUAID MATT DILLON I started to realize that comedy is what I really wanted to do, but I didn't want to do stand-up... D'ARCY CARDEN What I've found - and the older I get, the more I understand this and stand behind it - is, my w... JANE WIEDLIN It's not whether you fall or make a mistake, it's what you do when you fall. And I say you s... CARY-HIROYUKI TAGAWA RACHEL GRIFFITHS It's my job, it's what I do, it's what I'm on earth to do and it's who I am. PETER O'TOOLE BILL BURR DEYTH BANGER AJ LEE SADE ADU When you're doing exactly what you want to do, it's not tiring. You've been planting the... COLMAN DOMINGO Surely, marriage is throwing anchor and saying, 'This is where I'm staying. I've made my... PETE BURNS The one thing about doing all those movies and all that television is I know what I'm doing. And... DAVID CARRADINE I've never really been very good at marriage. It's one of my failures. I've tried my bes... LEN GOODMAN I'm a normal person. You say something about me, I'm going to say something back, funny or n... AUSTIN SEFERIAN-JENKINS ZACH GALIFIANAKIS I'd love to do a comedy. I'm terrified of comedy. I don't think I'm funny, but I gue... JARED PADALECKI I'm obsessed. I've always needed to know what's going on but now it's a must. PATRICIA CLARKSON What I really like doing is storytelling, finding the body language that is necessary for the story.... PATRICIA BIRCH I can tell you that you will have your hearts broken more by the people you love than by the people ... MARGARET PETERSON HADDIX I think, if I'm doing my job correctly, I'm presenting a scenario for you as the reader to e... T. C. BOYLE JOHN OLIVER CALVIN JOHNSON EMMA WATSON JEREMY IRONS LL COOL J When they first start doing comedy, new comics or even people that have only been doing it three or ... ERIK GRIFFIN My representation overseas can't stand me doing theatre because it takes me out of action. But i... DAVID WENHAM The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing for 11 years as a stand-up is hav... ANTHONY JESELNIK CARRIE FISHER DERRICK ROSE STEPHEN COLBERT I don't have one role that I'm particularly fond of doing, and I don't really look for i... MAE WHITMAN KEVIN COSTNER I've done it all. I'm thankful and proud of what I've accomplished in my life. I hope to... RALPH STANLEY There's no way to really mock up or simulate what I'm doing until I'm there. An exhibiti... ROBERT IRWIN I will tell you that I'm a bit of a snob. I love film, and I would like to work in film, and I&#... KELLY MASTERSON WERNHER VON BRAUN BARBARA BOXER LOUIS THEROUX BEBE REXHA RUSSELL PETERS I'm doing stand-up comedy. I'm working on a one-woman show about how I don't like my bab... MARY LYNN RAJSKUB Sometimes I'm doing a big movie, or sometimes I'm doing a TV show, but as an actor, it's... HIROYUKI SANADA What I'm trying to do is save and rescue the country if I can, and I'm doing my best to do i... NAJIB MIKATI CRAIG T. NELSON I do a lot of media work, I've been investing and I'm involved with real estate. It's to... DONOVAN BAILEY JESSICA ENNIS I laugh a lot in horror films. If I'm scared in a horror film, I try to think about what's s... JASON REITMAN VALENTINO ROSSI
More Dave Attell
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But... DAVE ATTELL A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are t... DAVE ATTELL When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me. DAVE ATTELL What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you shoul... DAVE ATTELL Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you kno... DAVE ATTELL Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people ""the cops."" But you k... DAVE ATTELL Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick. DAVE ATTELL What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish, ... You know what you s... DAVE ATTELL Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal...and you wonder why the attack you. Because of ... DAVE ATTELL There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, ... I've heard good s... DAVE ATTELL You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they... DAVE ATTELL I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show. DAVE ATTELL What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you s... DAVE ATTELL I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff. DAVE ATTELL I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears. DAVE ATTELL I found a gray hair one of my testicles the today. No, it wasn't mine, but it's frightening. DAVE ATTELL I found a gray hair on one of my testicles today. No, it wasn't mine, but it's frightening. DAVE ATTELL For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dud... DAVE ATTELL I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when the... DAVE ATTELL I have no grand scheme. DAVE ATTELL I never wanted to be famous. DAVE ATTELL I'm not like a performer type. DAVE ATTELL I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that. DAVE ATTELL I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. DAVE ATTELL I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes. DAVE ATTELL Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight. DAVE ATTELL I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good... DAVE ATTELL I don't watch reality TV. I'm cool. DAVE ATTELL My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I... DAVE ATTELL I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. DAVE ATTELL Being on the road is kind of lonely. DAVE ATTELL Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick. DAVE ATTELL I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality o... DAVE ATTELL DAVE MATTHEWS Everyone has a breaking point, turning point, stress point, the game is permeated with it. The fans ... DAVE WINFIELD DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY Instead of sailing off into the sunset, he hopes to sail into the next century. DAVE ANDERSON DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY I never excelled at one sport or had a very strong passion for anything other than wrestling and bod... DAVE BAUTISTA DAVE DAVIES I had a few brushes with death, where I nearly chose to go. The final one in 1996 did it for me. I s... DAVE GAHAN The important thing to remember is that bugs don't actually talk. DAVE FOLEY DAVE DAVIES Jazz isn't dead yet. It's the underpinning of everything in this country. Whether it's a... DAVE BRUBECK DAVE EGGERS That's country music for you - bourbon and the Bible. DAVE HAYWOOD DAVE EGGERS DAVE EGGERS DAVE BRAT DAVE BARRY A standard sitcom... is a very standard idea, like these people falling in love and living with each... DAVE FINKEL Standing out as a writer today requires more than a bright idea and limpid prose. Authors need to be... DAVE MORRIS Empire Square production finishes in about a month's time, so at the moment, right now, I'm ... DAVE ROWNTREE DAVE MATTHEWS We don't have enough people going into those fields and there is a high burnout rate in some hea... DAVE OBEY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY I go to see some big shows of other bands, and I feel like I'm so bombarded and over-stimulated ... DAVE GAHAN I'm tired of high policy talks. I want to focus on nuts and bolts. DAVE FREUDENTHAL DAVE GROHL I played a homosexual bodyguard in 'The Last Detective,' and that was quite a pleasure to do... DAVE LEGENO DAVE BARRY The baby boomer surge is forcing society to face decisions about costs - and particularly what is va... DAVE DEBRONKART Granted, a long book can be as daunting as a hard one. I nearly reached for 'Game of Thrones'... DAVE MORRIS Joy comes from places you least expect it. It's usually the simple things, like watching my son ... DAVE GAHAN DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY The waves of love roll throughout the Universe, and overflow in our hearts..DAVE ZEBIAN DAVE BARRY DAVE PELZER 'Breaking Bad' and 'The Shield' were planned right from the start so that their narr... DAVE MORRIS DAVE MATTHEWS I want to make hand-held music, undiminished by the need to make everybody in the world listen at on... DAVE SITEK We all have to die some day, if we live long enough. DAVE FARBER DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE MATTHES DAVE MATTHES DAVE BARRY DAVE EGGERS DAVE EGGERS DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE EGGERS DAVE MATTHEWS DAVE BARRY DAVE GORMAN DAVE EGGERS DAVE MATTHEWS DAVE BARRY DAVE PARNAS DAVE STORER DAVE JOHNSON DAVE BARRY DAVE CAREY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BERRY DAVE SIM DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY If you can't excell with talent, triumph with effort. DAVE WEINBAUM DAVE BARRY Our environmental problems originate in the hubris of imagining ourselves as the central nervous sys... DAVE FOREMAN DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE EGGERS DAVE EGGERS DAVE EGGERS Even in a country like the USA where fitness has become an obsession, most people exercising do not ... DAVE WILSON DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up. DAVE CHECKETT DAVE KELLETT DAVE KELLETT A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple lea... DAVE MEURER DAVE BARRY DAVE MATTHEWS DAVE KELLETT DAVE EGGERS DAVE REICHERT It's all very boring to say that we get along great and all that and sometimes we mock up come a... DAVE EDMUNDS DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BARRY DAVE BRAT DAVE PELZER DAVE BARRY DAVE PELZER DAVE BARRY DAVE PELZER DAVE REICHERT DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL DAVE GROHL
I started out as a stand-up comedian. And that's what I'm most comfortable doing. 
Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me; it's what I do, and this is what... 
I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They'... 
Modelling isn't something I'm doing to prove people wrong. It's something I'm doing ... 
What we do is ridiculous! I think that even when what I'm doing is serious, even when I'm no... 
I'm not sure what the future holds but I do know that I'm going to be positive and not wake ... 
When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show. 
I always wanted to be a comedic actor - that's what I wanted from the job - to do comedy and to ... 
I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people la... 
It's a waste of energy to think about what somebody else is doing and how they doing it. I'm... 
Stand-up comedy is mine: it's my entity; it's my brand; I own it. I do it when I want to do ... 
My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. 
I am the people, I'm not the pig. You got to make a distinction. And the people are going to hav... 
They've said I'm gay, they've said everyone is gay. I personally don't believe in do... 
I'm doing exactly what I want to do, and I'm having fun doing it. 
I want to work with great directors. I want to work on good material with good actors. I've prob... 
Country music is me, it's what I've grown up with, and it's what I do. 
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anythin... 
There's no master plan; I'm just going with what I'm inspired to do and what I get asked... 
When I'm painting, I'm not aware of what I'm doing. It's only after a get acquainted... 
I'm not saying writing comedy's brain surgery, but there is a certain pressure to it. It'... 
People can judge me for what I've done. And I think when somebody's out in the public eye, t... 
I enjoy my public speaking. That's what I love doing. It's what I'm good at. 
Once I've ascertained that I'm safe and I'm with a director who is taking care of me, th... 
I like doing comedy, I like doing drama. Naturally I like to do, I like doing dramas, I like conflic... 
I'm quite intuitive about what I pick. Often it's to do with what I've just done and how... 
If it's about what I like, I like opera as a music and deathstep and dubstep. 
I'm not interested in being famous. I'm interested in doing my job and doing it well, and th... 
Whatever I'm doing, I'm in that moment and I'm doing it. The rest of the world's los... 
When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me... 
I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do... 
I'm just going out there and doing exactly what I'm coached and doing exactly what I'm s... 
It's almost like the better I do, the more my feeling of inadequacy actually increases, because ... 
I do what I do because I like doing it. I'm well paid for it. I get far too much adulation compa... 
I'm not trying to be new school and I'm not old school - I'm classic. There's a lot ... 
I trust myself. I trust my instincts. I know what I'm gonna do, what I can do, what I can't ... 
My days shouldn't be hard because I'm doing what I'm doing and that's playing basket... 
I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive p... 
I stand up for what I believe. I don't know if it's always paid off for me, because I've... 
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. 
Even if I have to stand alone, I will not be afraid to stand alone. I'm going to fight for you. ... 
Clearly I'm able to read emotions. But I do feel... What is it? Awkwardness. I'm not a slick... 
I'm not one to be like, 'What is everybody doing? Let me do that!' I just do what I want... 
You do stand-up because you have to do it. If you're doing it to become 'famous,' you... 
Sometimes you're encouraged, and other times disappointed. It's a matter of going in and pre... 
I'm proud of the way I've dealt with setbacks. It's hard when you feel down and you thin... 
How do Ferrari know what I'm doing next year when I don't know what I'm doing next week? 
I do still get shocked every once in a while when I catch my reflection when I'm walking past a ... 
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. 
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe... 
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. 
As an individual, I think you have to find your own path. I like the simplicity and purity of Hindui... 
And that's actually the brunt of what we do is, people going straight from their workplace, stra... 
The Left likes to think of itself as the bulwark of progressive liberal individualism, and yet it se... 
It is criminal to put our servicemen and women in harm's way and to put the lives of so many civ... 
The thing that will never go away is that connection you make with a band or a song where you're... 
I'm so alive.
There just isn’t enough cock in this world to be caught suckin’ and be called anything but a slu... 
Wake up naked drinking coffee
Can you imagine the reaction of a British tabloid newspaper if they found a small school in rural En... 
As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, ... 
Don't get suckered in by the comments ... they can terribly be misleading. 
Giving half answers won't make the conversation half as long. 
A theme is a memory aid, it helps you through the presentation just as it also provides the thread o... 
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo... 
Anything done for the first time unleashes a demon. 
You can't choose what you're famous for in life. 
Nothing can do what a book can do. Lifts you out of your life... to a whole new world, whole new per... 
Gang violence in America is not a sudden problem. It has been a part of urban life for years, offeri... 
In terms of personalities - I don't care about the personalities, I want leadership that's i... 
I became a war hero before going on to critical acclaim as a professional victim. 
It's tough to go to sleep at night, and I wake up after five hours because I feel like I'm w... 
I taught myself how to play the guitar, I taught myself how to play the drums, and I kind of fake do... 