If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

I never set out to do a sketch show.

I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'

My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.