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If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.


Jimmy Kimmel

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DAVID BOREANAZ Well 'Monday Night Football,' I think the players kind of like it because they like the atte...
BUD GRANT We're actually doing something scripted that's totally, you know, we kind of know what's...
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JERRY WEST I'm sure other people in the business have considered reasons why they're doing what they...
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ALEX GRAVES You're assisting the audience to understand; you're giving them a bridge or an access. And i...
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JIMMY CHIN I lose anywhere up to 20 pounds on location with adventurers like Conrad Anker or Brady Robinson. So...
JIMMY CHIN Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're i...
JIMMY FALLON Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high...
JIMMY FALLON Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happen...
JIMMY FALLON Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you reall...
JIMMY FALLON There's always going to be someone out there... who doesn't believe in you or who thinks you...
JIMMY FALLON I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smarte...
JIMMY FALLON You only think of the best comeback when you leave.
JIMMY FALLON I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake a...
JIMMY FALLON I don't even read the papers. I read 'USA Today' because it has color photos.
JIMMY FALLON I like to see people laugh who are normally serious.
JIMMY FALLON In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another tr...
JIMMY FALLON I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up.
JIMMY FALLON If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of ...
JIMMY FALLON Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm...
JIMMY FALLON I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive.
JIMMY FALLON Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way...
JIMMY FALLON I'm going to North Pole to help out Santa this year.
JIMMY FALLON L.A., it's nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I th...
JIMMY FALLON Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dang...
JIMMY FALLON Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.
JIMMY FALLON The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
JIMMY FALLON Everyone looks so much better when they smile.
JIMMY FALLON I didn't have any sophistication. I didn't really have any great taste or anything like that...
JIMMY IOVINE I truly believe the intention of creating positive change is so important to the collective consciou...
JIMMY CHIN