Jack Handey
Related I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES But I do like to have peace and quiet for a good hour. BRYAN FERRY GEORGE CARLIN SANDRA BERNHARD WISLAWA SZYMBORSKA If we really wanted to be cool, and everyone in the world had Pro Tools, we could just put it up on ... CHARLIE HUNTER PAULO COELHO I imagine we won't see any of that money before they enter their reorganization plans, which could b... LARRY COX AGNETHA FALTSKOG TRAVIS KALANICK If you close your eyes and imagine an earthquake happened instead of Katrina, the image would be the... LARRY KLEIN KATE MIDDLETON I think there some kind of instinct connection between me and children. When I see children I find i... NURUDEEN USHAWU Could you imagine how horrible things would be if we always told others how we felt? Life would be i... RANDY K. MILHOLLAND JOYCE RACHELLE MICHAEL PHELPS We had so much to say to each other, like we’d been quiet our whole lives until we met. It was as ... KIMBERLY NOVOSEL BARRY SANDERS The most exciting time is when I think of an idea and how I imagine I can make it. It would be wonde... MARJANE SATRAPI We played until 12 and went back to the hotel and he was just as happy as could be, ... I left for a... ANTHONY EVANS World peace comes second to inner peace. It’s a causal relationship, where those who have not foun... SUMMER JEIRLES We tried to make it as close as we could to how it started in 1974. DAVID WARREN JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE PAUL BLOOM SRI CHINMOY If I'm going to be staying up until 3 A.M., it should be for world peace and not shampoo sales. MONA SUTPHEN JIM CARREY MEHMET MURAT ILDAN JACK KEROUAC LAUREN MYRACLE Until we get close to April, we won't know how many people will be affected. FERNANDO RODRIQUEZ JENA MALONE It has to be considered whether this (looting) was an anomaly or if this is what we could see in ano... BOB BLACK ANDY WARHOL MATTIE STEPANEK If only love could cure illness, heartache, poverty, or loss. Or, if everyone actually cared, took t... NICOLE SHURRI HASTINGS PERCY WYNHAM LEWIS EMILY OSTER At our first meeting I remember when someone said, 'It would be great if the Lahti Orchestra would d... OSMO VANSKA If only 7 percent of the 2 billion Christians in the world would care for a single orphan in distres... STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN His gaze was unflinching and solid. If someone could have light sabers in their eyes, it would be hi... MARIANA ZAPATA AUSTIN GROSSMAN . . . women are more quiet. They don't feel called to mount a barrel and harangue by the hour every ... ANNA COOPER . . . women are more quiet. They don't feel called to mount a barrel and harangue by the hour every ... ANNA JULIA COOPER Dengue has been killing delicate human lives who have just begun to see the world with their naked e... NISHI DE SILVA If we get arrested, it just shows how close-minded that campus is. JACOB REITAN Imagine a world where people were 10% happier and less reactive. Marriage, parenting, road rage, pol... DAN HARRIS PHIL MICKELSON ELIZABETH GILBERT They are taught to be in a pleasant place ... to fill their lungs as much as they can and exhale ver... HOWARD PAYTON It started out as just a little showcase of Athens music. That case multiplied and multiplied until ... DAN WALL BILL GOLDBERG VENUS WILLIAMS And that's just the way it is. I could call over there, but I know they are just as anxious to get t... CLIFF MANLOVE KEVIN SYSTROM ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH How beautiful would it be if we could just see souls instead of bodies? To see love and compassion i... KAREN QUAN People get a little sidelined thinking that fame and fortune is going to bring them happiness, peace... LINDA THOMPSON It started to loosen with each hit. We were popping up, and everyone wanted to hit one over the fenc... CARLY HAMILTON We just decided if we could just get some local talent and local people to donate their time and eff... GLORIA HARTZE There will be no peace in the tormented world, only a programmed and systematic series of wars and c... TAYLOR CALDWELL It would be great if we could get a good turnout for the game and build on that. SAM JACOBS But it was nearly impossible to have all the roads cleaned up as early as the rush hour. We couldn't... GENE BLAUM If everyone only gave a fraction of the compassion their hearts are capable of giving... how much su... ALFA HOLDEN I can't pay attention for an hour and 15 minutes. It would make my life better if I could go back an... AMANDA ALLEN Imagine if everyone was the same. Now that would be fricken boring! RODEL NATIVIDAD CASIO If we would make our own (department), it would be deep in the red for years until we could build up... BILL GEIGER You could just see it in their eyes. That's when we go for the kill. AL HORFORD WILLIAM GLASSER WILLIAM ERNEST HENLEY DAVID ATTENBOROUGH Freshman year, that's all it was. I would go in and just train and everything. Once I saw how good I... KAIT COOK WOLE SOYINKA I went to explore how much it would cost. I'd be paying $8 to $12 an hour, and I'm making about $11 ... REBECCA ADAMS RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN GRANDMA MOSES BARBARA CORCORAN CANDACE BUSHNELL ITALIAN PROVERB ITALIAN PROVERB I was in line at the bank for an hour and have been waiting for gas for 30 minutes. If it's anything... JOHN SULLIVAN I was in line at the bank for an hour and have been waiting for gas for 30 minutes. If it's anything... JOHN SULLIVAN GRANDMA MOSES We talked about how the crowd could play a part and the way to keep them in the game was for us to s... DAN GONZALEZ SUZY KASSEM I wanted to develop a way that they could visualize and see how a message could be conveyed using fo... MEL MCDONALD GERMANY KENT ABHIJIT NASKAR We could be in for a laugh during the Feature Race if everyone hits the pits together. All the garag... BOB MCMURRAY The teachers were just shocked and saddened and we tried everything we could. The board tried to see... ALICE CARTER GEORG CHRISTOPH LICHTENBERG It is important for everyone to move every day, and what I prescribe is daily aerobic exercise of ab... DR. JANA KLAUER Could you imagine if we could leapfrog language and communicate directly with human thought? What wo... MARY LOU JEPSEN This has upset our little town. I can't imagine how something would get everyone so up in arms. AUDREY MUELLER NICHOLAS SPARKS I thought if we go close to 250 it could be a fighting total and we succeeded in getting close to it... KAMRAN AKMAL It used to be that you would hunt on the weekends. Nowadays, we love it so much and it's our little ... BRIAN GLENN We just calmed it down and slowed it down in our minds so it would be easier. We had to work for the... ALYSSA MAY No person could look unattractive in the eyes of their love ones and close friends. MJ CHRISTINE We knew team would be close, and it was tough. We'll just have to use it for next year. BROOKE PRZEKURAT
More Jack Handey
JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY JACK HANDEY Many artists and writers have used cannabis for creative stimulation - from the writers of the world... JACK HERER I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old. JACK WHITEHALL JACK NICHOLSON JACK REED JACK PALANCE Perfectionists are their own devils. JACK KIRBY JACK WELCH JACK CANFIELD JACK WELCH JACK KEROUAC JACK NICKLAUS It was only after the Grimms published two editions primarily for adults that they changed their att... JACK ZIPES Though the Grimms kept about 100 of the tales from the first edition, they changed them a good deal. JACK ZIPES In 1995, I founded a storytelling program for children called Neighborhood Bridges in collaboration ... JACK ZIPES I have a daughter, Hanna, and I never read fairy tales to her. But I did tell her bedtime tales and ... JACK ZIPES 'Once Upon a Time', 'Mirror Mirror' - those shows and films focus on women and their... JACK ZIPES Fairy tales are with us day in and day out, not just in commercials, but references in the theater, ... JACK ZIPES The Grimm collections were never intended for children. Not because kids were excluded, but because ... JACK ZIPES Almost every single commercial on television for shampoo, sports shoes, drinks, food, clothes, perfu... JACK ZIPES What the Greeks and Romans considered myths, we consider fairy tales. We can see how very clearly th... JACK ZIPES Until I was diagnosed with mouth cancer, I'd never heard of it. JACK WILD I guess I'll go to my grave as the Dodger, but at least I've made my mark on show-business h... JACK WILD I'm thought of as a celebrity. Everything I've ever done... has been for children. As long a... JACK WILD I look at what I've gone through in my career and I really shouldn't be talking to you now. ... JACK WILD I'd definitely be up for 'EastEnders.' Just the same as I would if 'Coronation Stree... JACK WILD It's very hard not to let fame affect you because you are continually being told how good you ar... JACK WILD There is no buzz like performing for a live audience. JACK WILD At an age when most youngsters are preparing for their GCSEs, I was suddenly a jet-setter, briefly t... JACK WILD My lifestyle had made me a walking time bomb. JACK WILD I know who Jack Whittaker is. And some days I don't like who I am. JACK WHITTAKER It doesn't bother me because I can tell everyone to kiss off. JACK WHITTAKER If I had to do it all over, I'd be more secluded about it. JACK WHITTAKER I'd do the same things, but I'd be a little more quiet. JACK WHITTAKER I won the lottery. I don't care what it costs. JACK WHITTAKER I'm simply a businessman who has seen his share of failures and successes. JACK WHITTAKER Part of doing stand-up is to get things off your chest. It's a bit like being in a psychiatrist&... JACK WHITEHALL I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing. JACK WHITEHALL Once you start doing a lot, you don't ever want to stop working. It feels weird if you're no... JACK WHITEHALL My dad doesn't hug me enough! JACK WHITEHALL I'd like to scale back the television. I'm constantly told that I'm over-exposed, and I ... JACK WHITEHALL My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't suc... JACK WHITEHALL I'm very conscious of other people's opinions and of people not liking me. JACK WHITEHALL I've definitely become smuttier. When I first started out, I had these aspirations: 'I'm... JACK WHITEHALL I never know what defines you as being posh. I went to a posh school, definitely. JACK WHITEHALL There's a real sense of camaraderie with sitcoms. JACK WHITEHALL I eat healthily, as it keeps my energy up. JACK WHITEHALL Society is so divided in its perception of public school people. Most people who went to public scho... JACK WHITEHALL I don't like comedians who don't have conviction, and with stand-up, it is always best to ha... JACK WHITEHALL Live stand-up is my thing. I love being on stage and just messing around. JACK WHITEHALL When I was younger, I was insecure for about 10 years: I wore glasses, had a cow's lick, buck te... JACK WHITEHALL Some comics have long routines to get them in the mood - I just prefer to sit down, write out the sa... JACK WHITEHALL I acted at school but got very bad parts - things that they'd made up in Shakespeare plays like ... JACK WHITEHALL If I could look like anyone, it would be Jamie Redknapp - even up close, he's amazing. JACK WHITEHALL I wish I was a bit shorter, as I think shorter people have better walks. Freddie Fox, the actor, is ... JACK WHITEHALL I vote for whoever will annoy my dad. JACK WHITEHALL When I'm on stage, I'm quite over the top - I'm quite flamboyant and camp. JACK WHITEHALL I'm not actually posh; I'm really rough and from the wrong side of the tracks. I grew up in ... JACK WHITEHALL I like to think I'm a bit smarter than I sometimes let on. JACK WHITEHALL I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it. JACK WHITEHALL If I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I think I can say something funny to defuse it. Sometimes ... JACK WHITEHALL JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WHITE JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH JACK WELCH If it's anything I can't stand, it's yes-men. When I say no, I want you to say no, too. JACK WARNER I don't want it good. I want it Tuesday. JACK WARNER 'General Hospital' was so massive in the 80s and that's when people my age or even young... JACK WAGNER I was fortunate enough to hook up with Quincy Jones and had a lot of success. But the music of the &... JACK WAGNER I kind of went into soap opera with 'General Hospital' in the '80s. It's like theate... JACK WAGNER By patting somebody on the back, a boy or a girl, a professional dancer, male, female, it really mak... JACK WAGNER Peter Wagner, my son, just won the Bel-Air Junior Club Championship. Parred the last three holes. On... JACK WAGNER I was always very independent and looked out for myself. I think that ability really helped me in la... JACK WAGNER We all grew up, our grandmothers and mothers had about three channels to watch, so we watched those ... JACK WAGNER My all-time low is 62 at Bel-Air, but it was in match play, and I had two putts given to me from fou... JACK WAGNER My mother has been the greatest influence on my life, morally. When I get right down to it, my mothe... JACK WAGNER My parents weren't extremely successful financially, but they were happy people. They gave me co... JACK WAGNER Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. JACK WAGNER Obviously sex and nudity sells, but that's what people go to cable for but that's not going ... JACK WAGNER My kids are at a point in their lives where I'm a moral compass for them. God help them both. JACK WAGNER JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE JACK VANCE If movies are causing moral decay, then crime ought to be going up, but crime is going down. JACK VALENTI Foreign capital to build new cinemas will help modernize China's aging cinema infrastructure, at... JACK VALENTI Every parent in America has the total power to control all television programming that is dispatched... JACK VALENTI I sleep each night a little better, a little more confidently, because Lyndon Johnson is my presiden... JACK VALENTI There isn't anything in the world that can't be made better. JACK VALENTI The public's nerves are raw and edgy. You have to be discreet and understanding about the films ... JACK VALENTI The only group in America that deserves to scrutinize what we are doing... are parents. JACK VALENTI Film-makers must decide what story to tell and how to tell it. JACK VALENTI No one today knows what is indecent. JACK VALENTI There were five children in my family, and arguing was how we used to entertain ourselves. JACK STRAW It's extraordinary what children put up with. I happened to see two of my uncles put my father u... JACK STRAW In 1933, the Nazis came to power and the more systematic persecution of the Jews followed quickly. L... JACK STEINBERGER In the evenings I studied chemistry at the University of Chicago, the weekends I helped in the famil... JACK STEINBERGER I feel I learned as much from fellow students as from the professors. JACK STEINBERGER I reverted easily to my wild state, that is experimentation. JACK STEINBERGER I had no new ideas on the physics we might learn, and I could not compete with the younger generatio... JACK STEINBERGER I studied chemical engineering. I was a good student, but these were the hard times of the depressio... JACK STEINBERGER In 1934, the American Jewish charities offered to find homes for 300 German refugee children. We wer... JACK STEINBERGER I joined the Army and was sent to the MIT radiation laboratory after a few months of introduction to... JACK STEINBERGER I remember Nazi election propaganda posters showing a hateful Jewish face with crooked nose. JACK STEINBERGER It's great that people are interested in Mars. JACK SCHMITT But I don't think we'll go there until we go back to the moon and develop a technology base ... JACK SCHMITT It's like trying to describe what you feel when you're standing on the rim of the Grand Cany... JACK SCHMITT My family has served the country in almost every major war since the Civil War. JACK SCALIA There's a greatness in this country many of the kids today don't know. JACK SCALIA I was raised with those principals and values and ethics that came out of the men and women that ser... JACK SCALIA I remember fear and I remember the potential of nuclear war. JACK SCALIA You gotta take care of the people that are part of the foundation. If you don't, it crumbles. JACK SCALIA But this country is a great country and will always rebound. JACK SCALIA Because if you have a strong foundation like we have, then you can build or rebuild anything on it. ... JACK SCALIA Our firefighters are our last line of defense, baby. JACK SCALIA I was an only child until I was 14, and there were no other kids around the area really. So I spent ... JACK REYNOR I originally got into this because of a five-year-old's begrudgery of his teacher. Mrs. Lawlor c... JACK REYNOR With 'Richard,' I was excited to make this film with such an amazing role for an actor. Play... JACK REYNOR As a kid growing up, I put a lot of pressure on myself. JACK REYNOR I couldn't even get an audition for network TV at home in Ireland. JACK REYNOR If you have an opportunity to reach people on a broad scale, it's not enough to just entertain p... JACK REYNOR 'Transformers' gives people the ability to relax and rest for three hours. That's a subs... JACK REYNOR When I meet someone who I really admire, I enjoy nothing more than trying to connect with them and a... JACK REYNOR In terms of doing another franchise after 'Transformers,' I don't know if that would be ... JACK REYNOR 'Star Wars' was something that I was definitely interested in. Whether or not I was really i... JACK REYNOR I was always a big fan of Charlie Chaplin movies. I love 'The Great Dictator' and 'City ... JACK REYNOR The first movie I really clicked with was 'Die Hard' when I was 6 years old, which is crazy ... JACK REYNOR When I was a little, little kid, my family got a new washing machine, and they had a big box that wa... JACK REYNOR I'd love to do a film with Michael Fassbender. He's one of my heroes. I think he's absol... JACK REYNOR I bring a copy of 'Dracula' with me wherever I go, the book. It's my favorite book in th... JACK REYNOR So many Irish actors overplay that modesty because they're afraid people will judge them and say... JACK REYNOR I make it my business to see or do something cultural in every place I go to. If you don't, you&... JACK REYNOR My least favorite thing about New York is probably the traffic. I hate it. The people are such aggre... JACK REYNOR With 'Transformers,' I'm going to get to drive fast cars and have a lot of fun. That'... JACK REYNOR
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as... 
If you close your eyes, you could just as well imagine me to be vintage Ali MacGraw, circa 1968. 
I cannot imagine any writer who would not fight for his peace and quiet. 
If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness. Would the world be a worse place fo... 
I just want to live in peace and quiet. 
Imagine if we could create the most just workplace in the world. We would naturally be a magnet for ... 
Imagine if everyone was able to help just one child who needs to be listened to, needs to be respect... 
If we can't have world peace, I'll settle for a quiet room. 
We wanted to see how close we could get to the world record. We'll take that for right now. 
I really love peace and quiet. 
We first observe how dreary and disagreeable an overclouded day is when a single sunbeam pierces thr... 
Perhaps looking out through big baby eyes - if we could - would not be as revelatory experience as m... 
Unless and until we have peace deep within us, we can never hope to have peace in the outer world. Y... 
I would visualize things coming to me. It would just make me feel better. Visualization works if you... 
If the quality of the people got better as they aged, how good that would be, don’t you think so? ... 
My aunt once said that the world would never find peace until men fell at their women's feet and ask... 
If everyone started off the day singing, just think how happy they'd be. 
If we could all just laugh at ourselves, in hard times or good times, it would be an incredible worl... 
I always think about what it means to wear eyeglasses. When you get used to glasses you don't know h... 
If it came to a magic genie, I would ask him for two extra wishes. One would be that no one would ha... 
If the world would only build temples to Machinery in the abstract then everything would be perfect.... 
How much is an hour of your time worth? It's worth whatever wage you would get if you spent that... 
Could you make a computer imagine an entire world? How would you start? A generation of people would... 
The thing I'm most regretful about Jack not playing and Arnold not playing is that they used to be t... 
But doesn't that make sense? That the infinite would be, indeed... infinite? That even the most holy... 
you could watch for 45 minutes to an hour and never get bored. 
Everyone makes their own comments. That's how rumors get started. 
The printing press did something really big for the world when everyone could get books in their han... 
Suppose that we could close our eyes today and see the real certainties and uncertainties of tomorro... 
If everyone could learn that what is right for me does not make it right for anyone else, the world ... 
A late lark twitters from the quiet skies:
And from the west,
Where the sun, his day's work en... 
Everyone likes birds. What wild creature is more accessible to our eyes and ears, as close to us and... 
I like my peace and quiet whenever I can grab it. 
Nay, but Jack, such eyes! such eyes! so innocently wild! so bashfully irresolute! Not a glance but s... 
. . . daydreams, as it were . . . I look out the window sometimes to seek the color of the shadows a... 
If I could set a world record, it would be that I have 150 business partners, all with thriving busi... 
I think when I was 12, I started reading Evelyn Waugh, and I loved Evelyn Waugh so much, and I thoug... 
If the secret sorrows of everyone could be read on their forehead, how many who now cause envy would... 
If the secret sorrows of everyone could be read on their forehead, how many who now cause envy woul... 
I look out the window sometimes to seek the color of the shadows and the different greens in the tre... 
If I could remove one thing from the world and replace it with something else, I would erase politic... 
Reach out and help others. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. Be a vessel, be the c... 
Almost everyone talks about world peace. They expect that somehow peace is going to magically appear... 
What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eye... 
It was their secret, a secret meant for just the two of them, and she'd never been able to imagine h... 
The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, What am I doing... 
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don'... 
The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just... 
With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60. 
The financial crisis is a stark reminder that transparency and disclosure are essential in today'... 
The only two things you can truly depend upon are gravity and greed. 
Control your own destiny or someone else will. 
I believe that people make their own luck by great preparation and good strategy. 
If I have a weakness, it's probably ice cream. That's where I get lax, sloppy. I'll snea... 
Playing drums feels like coming home for me. Even during the White Stripes I thought: 'I'll ... 
A lot of people in the media, and some everyday people, really aren't in search of the truth. Th... 
I've always felt it's ridiculous to say, of any of the females in my life: You're my fri... 
Public hangings are teaching moments. Every company has to do it. A teaching moment is worth a thous... 
Strong managers who make tough decisions to cut jobs provide the only true job security in today'... 
I haven't been to a movie since somebody gave me free tickets to Star Wars, which I went to. 
I just wrote what I felt like writing since they seemed to sell. 
I worked for half a cent a word. I'm not a fast writer to begin with, so for the first few years...