In rough times, pathfinders rely on work, friends, humor and prayer. They develop a support network.

Most women have learned a great deal about how to set goals for our First Adulthood and how to roll with the punches when we hit a rough passage. But we're less prepared for our Second Adulthood as we approach life after retirement, where there are no fixed entrances or exits, and lots of sand into which it is easy to bury our heads.

When you have a group saying we're not going to support [gay marriage], in fact, we'll work against it, saying we don't want you to get married, or raise or adopt kids — when that's the message, it has tremendous effects.

Very few women manage to have it all; certainly not all at once.

In the first phase of shock over, say, your mortgage being called in or your job washed out, it's essential to engage with others and share the fear, release the feelings, do fun things to take your mind off it.

I do think taking the 20s to take the most chances you can is important, because you're not going to hurt anyone else during that time. And if you do have a partner, you need a couple years to rehearse that relationship.