In the days that follow, it's movement, not stillness, that helps to keep the grief at bay.

All I can do is stand still- I feel like if I just stand still, I can stop it from being true, I can pretend that everything is all right.

I have a scar - a faint gouge in my knee from when I fell down on the sidewalk as a child. It's always seemed stupid to me that none of the pain I've experienced has left a visible mark; sometimes, without a way to prove it to myself, I began to doubt that I had lived through it at all, with the memories becoming hazy over time. I want to have some kind of reminder that while wounds heal, they don't disappear forever - I carry them everywhere, always, and that is the way of things, the way of scars.

I would like to experience this 'date' phenomenon.

One thing I know: For helping me forget how awful the world is, I prefer her to alcohol.

My name is Four,” I say. “Call me ‘Stiff’ again and you and I will have a problem.