Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
Groucho Marx
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Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
AL BUNDY You'll Pay and Pay and Pay Up Your Ass, I'll Make You Wish You Had Never Been Born...
COURTNEY LOVE If you can't pay it back, pay it forward.
CATHERINE RYAN HYDE That's the beauty of coaching. You get to touch lives, you get to make a difference. You get to ...
MORGAN WOOTTEN Hopefully you get what you pay for, because you always pay for what you get.
JAMES W. LOVE JR. You must buy health insurance or pay the new Gestapo - the IRS.
PAUL LEPAGE If you want to pay me back one day, that's up to you. I'm not asking for it, and I never will. The b...
C.R. STRAHAN You don't get to choose not to pay a price, you only get to choose which price you pay.
JORDAN B PETERSON You don't get to choose not to pay a price, you only get to choose which price you pay.
JORDAN PETERSON You don't get to choose not to pay a price, you only get to choose which price you pay
JORDAN B. PETERSON You pay to get radio play, pretty much, ... and you get what you pay for. It's not really a level pl...
AIMEE MANN When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because...
P. J. O'ROURKE An office visit will cost whatever the insurance dictates. If the insurance dictates a co-pay then t...
DON SCARO The power never to get used to your pay check is by learning to programme your mind that you are ear...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Life will never ask you what you want, so be ready to pay and get surprises.
PRATIMA KHANKA Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.
WARREN BUFFETT Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.
WARREN BUFFETT We raised $12,000 to get the dog, because insurance doesn't pay for that.
BOB ENOS You couldn't pay me to go back,
FRED SAVAGE If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
JAMES GOLDSMITH Credit default swap is basically just an agreement that I have with you, where I sell you insurance ...
CHARLES DUHIGG Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for it.
KATHERINE WHITEHORN Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for it.
KATHARINE WHITEHORN When Cookie sold you a dummy, you had to pay to get back into the ground.
JIM BAXTER The immediate effect of the deficit is to make you feel good, like when you go on a trip and pay lat...
FRANCO MODIGLIANI Life is like a restaurant; you can have anything you want as long as you are willing to pay the pric...
MOFFAT MACHINGURA You get to pay for it, ... You guys are going to pay. Nobody wants to turn down the fire department.
POPE JOHN XXIII We'd like to pay them back.
DON THORNTON You never know how short a month is until you pay alimony.
JOHN BARRYMORE You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
JOHN BARRYMORE Is there anything the magistrates can do to persuade you to pay?
PAUL VINCENT You need healthy, vibrant small businesses that can afford to pay for health insurance and provide f...
JACK BILLION Pay attention to the beauty surrounding you.
ANNE LAMOTT Can you explain something to me? ... When these guys had some money, how come they couldn't pay to g...
FUNKMASTER FLEX Never pay attention to people that talk about you...Soon there tough will get tired.
FLAMESTARTA Sometimes you pay a premium to get what you want.
JERRY REINSDORF If someone whom you lent money and won’t pay you back will always hate you.
VIKRANT PARSAI You can borrow more, but you still have to pay it back.
DON RAHN The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I...
MARJORIE PAY HINCKLEY I know it is hard for you young mothers to believe that almost before you can turn around the childr...
MARJORIE PAY HINCKLEY Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, b...
MARJORIE PAY HINCKLEY Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
MARJORIE PAY HINCKLEY The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead.
MARJORIE PAY HINCKLEY In the book of Alma is a story that has fascinated e since I first read it. it is about a very color...
MARJORIE PAY HINCKLEY People are wonderful. Each one has a story, each something to give, each knows something interesting...
MARJORIE PAY HINCKLEY Nobody wants to pay higher taxes. But do you want your kids to get a good education? You have to pay...
SHELLEY BERKLEY Sleep. That is the biggest thing, when you are sitting in traffic for three hours coming there and b...
HEATH KRAMER Pay back is a bitch.
NICOLE RICHIE Insurance companies do charge very significantly different prices. You can easily pay 50% more if yo...
BOB HUNTER I don't pay attention to stats or anything like that. I just pay attention to how I play and the...
AUSTIN SEFERIAN-JENKINS You can never have too much to pay for things.
GAYLE BRADLEY You can't pay to get on a Clue tape.
DJ CLUE To say insurance companies should pay for stuff that is completely unproven is asking a lot from ins...
DAVID MAGNUS I'm a firm believer in you get what you pay for.
DANIEL LEEFSON You don't come down and pay 25 cents a day. When you return the book, then you pay the bill.
ANDREA ESQUER Basically, we've been borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, and now it's time to pay Paul back. We may n...
HARRIET MILLER to pay back.
CASEY JONES If I had the insurance, I could pay someone to do it, ... But if you don't, you have to do it yourse...
DONALD ROBERTS People will pay you for anything they value. The value is in you, You just need to create it.
SISI MODISE Hey, there are people out there who are willing to help you. There is no way I can pay them back. Yo...
ERNESTO ESPINOZA People don’t pay much attention to anything unless you give them reason to
ERIN MORGENSTERN We pay out of pocket before we ever see any benefit from the insurance. We definitely would like to ...
GREG MERRITT Don’t beg for attention; pay attention to your dreams and others will pay attention to you.
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR That's the price you pay. You understand that going in. You understand that you got to pay that pric...
MARK SCHLERETH Frankly, people who buy Showtime pay-per-view are supporting him and supporting the notion that you ...
ELLEN GOODMAN It's not a real adventure when you have to pay for it.
EDMUND HILLARY You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
CHRIS ROCK If you never fly out of these airports, you never pay for any of these improvements.
BRAD HAGEN Do you pay to provide cooling or pay for a new fire alarm system?
DAVID WHEELER We proposed this when I was insurance commissioner, but you couldn't get the Alabama Legislature and...
BILL NELSON You know it is not my interest to pay the principal, or my principal to pay the interest.
RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm."
"I'm going to pay someone to burn ...
LEIGH BARDUGO This is like eating your seed corn, if you pay out more than you earn.
BEN M. RICE Dictionary is the only place that success comes before work. Hard work is the price we must pay for ...
VINCE LOMBARDI Life pays for performance; you get out of it what you pay forward.
SCOTTIE SOMERS You want to protect your child from pain, and what you get instead is life, and grace; and though th...
ANNE LAMOTT You don't pay money to get money. Those aren't legitimate scholarships.
DIANE RODRIGUEZ If you want to pay little, then do so. If you want to pay all, then do so. Please do not play games ...
RIAAN VAN WYK The best career advice given to the young is "Find out what you like doing best and get someone to p...
KATHARINE WHITEHORN The best career advice given to the young is: 'Find out what you like doing best and get someone to ...
KATHERINE DUNHAM The health insurance industry does not like to pay out claims, because they don't make money. Th...
MICHAEL MOORE I don't like debt. I don't buy anything I can't pay for.
BILL BROCKMANN Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood...
MARK TWAIN $500 a month for family health insurance, how can I pay that? Even with the raise, we make to little...
CLARA VARGAS The key to private mortgage insurance is, it lets you pay, obviously, less money down -- the idea be...
JEFF LUBAR Chance is the one thing you can't buy. You have to pay for it and you have to pay for it with your l...
ROBERT DOISNEAU You can either pay someone to drive around or you can pay for a computer to scan the area.
JOSH SMITH Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.
JOSE ORTEGA Y GASSET When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting.
JON KABAT-ZINN It's a problem that will never go away if we don't pay this now. It's like your home mortgage. If yo...
LARRY SEMMENS I don't get anything for free. I pay for all my beauty treatments."
JENNIFER LOPEZ There are people who want to buy health insurance and can't do it. They're willing to pay for it. Th...
BRUCE ABBE Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.
JERRY SEINFELD If you are determined enough and willing to pay the price, you can get it done.
MIKE DITKA You know it is not in my Interest to pay the Principal; nor is it my Principal to pay the Interest
RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN Pay attention to where you are going because without meaning you might get nowhere.
A.A. MILNE You get to know the customers. It helps you pay attention to the trends.
CHERYLN BENNETT Say if you have a high-end Cadillac, you'll pay basic insurance of about $1,200 -- so 10% of that wi...
BRIAN SMILEY If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
MARK TWAIN When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.
MARK TWAIN
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX