It's a fun job, but it's stressful because you have to be funny. You have to have punch lines and captions. Be funny now! And if you're not inspired, they don't care - be funny now! They have to fill that hole the next day.

to vote only for one (1) presidential candidate and that they are to punch a hole next to the arrow next to the number next to the candidate they wish to vote for.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter.

It's the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up.

I don't care who's on the label, because I have a job to do.