It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.