It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.
David Sedaris
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You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popey...
DAVID SEDARIS I started out as a writer. Poetry and prose and also kind of satirical David Sedaris-esque stuff.
PAULEY PERRETTE Experience has shown me that standing by oneself reading from one's book isn't especially co...
GAYLE FORMAN John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice....
DAVID WONG I already told you, you’re not my type.”
“I thought you didn’t have a type.”
�...
SARAH MORGAN That's the beauty of argument-if you argue correctly, you're never wrong.
, THANK YOU FOR SMOKING, 2006 That's the beauty of argument, if you argue correctly, you're never wrong.
CHRISTOPHER BUCKLEY My history of singing has always probably been closer to a David Bowie approach than, for example, a...
CHRIS CORNELL The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority....
DAVID SEDARIS Very small penis, and no money,
CHRIS PHILLIPS That will probably be more important for its passing than for its result.
CHARLES GABRIEL This is probably not going to get worse than this.
DEBORAH COLLINS It's just one of those things where it's just gotten worse and worse. It got to a point where I don'...
JACOB CRUZ There is no fortitude like patience, just as there is no destructive emotion worse than hatred.
AULIQ-ICE There is no fortitude like patience, just as there is no destructive emotion worse than hatred.
OSCAR AULIQ-ICE [Not smoking the cigarette is] a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, ...
, THE FAULT IN OUR STARS, 2012 The market looks better than it did a month ago, yet the near-term outlook for most companies is pro...
JOHN FORELLI Nowhere probably is there more true feeling, and nowhere worse taste, than in a churchyard.
BENJAMIN JOWETT Do you know why a vandal is worse than a thief?’ asked the man on the right, in a soft growl. ‘A...
FRANCES HARDINGE Be thankful for your allotment in an imperfect world. Though better circumstances can be imagined,...
RICHELLE E. GOODRICH Smoking is bad for you. You don't have to take my word for that. Just look a package of cigarettes a...
MARK ROGERSON Just for today, smile a little more. Just for today, ask someone how he or she is really doing. Just...
JAMES A. MURPHY The only thing worse than having no friends is being pitied for having no friends.
LAUREN OLIVER If I want to sit in smoking, I should have the right to sit in smoking. And if you want to sit in no...
CINDY MURPHY Frenemies are worse than enemies, and it's not just in the workplace.
ADAM GRANT They tell you it's a 'no-smoking' section, but then you get the smoke coming at you from right acros...
DON WALKER All human sin seems so much worse in its consequences than in its intentions.
REINHOLD NIEBUHR All human sin seems so much worse in its consequences than in its intentions
REINHOLD NIEBUHR A lie, as you probably know, has a taste all its own. Blocky and bitter and never quite right.
JODI PICOULT A lie, as you probably know, has a taste all its own. Black and bitter and never quite right.
JODI PICOULT There is no robber worse than a bad book.
ITALIAN PROVERB There is no worse robber than a bad book
ITALIAN PROVERB If Saddam were to be replaced tomorrow he would probably be replaced with someone who's just as ...
NORMAN SCHWARZKOPF A lot of things are worse for the adult industry right now. Its been a really long time since the go...
ANNALEE NEWITZ Cheap jewelry, however, is worse than no jewelry at all, and there are very few things in life than ...
JILL CONNER BROWNE Stopping smoking is something I think I would have put right at the top of the list.
DR. WILLIAM SCHAFFNER You're the one who likes cigars right? Try smoking this.
FRANCO NERO Men renounce whatever they have in common with women so as to experience no commonality with women; ...
ANDREA DWORKIN We'll probably be here for three or four days, maybe longer because the other building actually got ...
BOB DAVIDSON Am I wavering? No, maybe slightly, but I still think probably it's a pretty sound decision. I suspec...
CARL MEYERS That was even worse than being in the right bunker.
CRAIG BARLOW The traditional risk factors for stroke are increasing age, being male - men have more strokes than ...
PAUL MITCHELL The market's deteriorated far worse than I expected, ... Everything is reacting much more violently ...
ANN HURLEY It just looked a lot worse than it was.
MALIK ALLEN Thank You for Smoking.
AARON ECKHART Thank You for Smoking
IVAN REITMAN Even those social smokers who only smoke sometimes, are addicted. They just need less of it, but the...
ABHISHEK KUMAR No enemy is worse than bad advice.
SOPHOCLES There is no torture worse than solitude.
SS038NICK Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection.
CARROLL BRYANT It's good to have a good game for once. I've just been frustrated thinking that I can't do anything ...
JULIUS ASHBY There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you th...
ROBERT HEINLEIN There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you th...
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN I thought he was just outside smoking and talking on the phone like he normally does. He probably ju...
JEFF KISH There are enough no smoking places now.
DAVID HOCKNEY This is for people who like an intimate concert experience. All of our shows start at 7:30 p.m. Ther...
DENNIS PEPE There is no belittling worse than to over praise a man.
OWEN FELTHAM There is no belittling worse than to over praise a man.
OWEN FELLTHAM There is no sickness worse for me than words that to be kind must lie.
AESCHYLUS There's a lot more worse things in life right now than not making the Chase.
JAMIE MCMURRAY For a small bar, it's just great to get a national act like David and to be back better than ever af...
LOUIE ANDRUS This is probably the right way to go for them, but it's a riskier proposition than Lexus was for Toy...
CHRISTOPHER RICHTER Perhaps there is no agony worse than the tedium I experienced waiting for Something to Happen.
LANCE LOUD Bad art is a great deal worse than no art at all.
OSCAR WILDE A psychologist would probably diagnose insanity for a nation that spends more on its military than t...
STEVEN MAGEE No business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any righ...
FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT No business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any righ...
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT No one is excluded from the astronaut corps based on penis size.
MARY ROACH We created an environment to accommodate people so people weren't angry, so people weren't upset and...
CHRISTOPHER WEST [Friday's report] probably reduces the odds of the Fed making another move [at its next meeting]. Th...
BILL CHENEY At first it was simply liking, Nastenka, but now, now !
I am just in the same position as you w...
FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY Just 'cuz you're bigger than me, just 'cuz you're smarter than me, just because you drive a better c...
GERARD WAY The people have a right supreme
To make their kings, for Kings are made for them.
All Empire i...
JOHN DRYDEN Our event is probably at its maximum now.
DICK CATRI This thing has been very tenacious. It's probably its last gasp.
STACY STEWART The best way to stop smoking is to just stop - no ifs, ands or butts.
EDITH ZITTLER If it's bad for Next, it'll probably be worse of Marks & Spencer.
NICK BUBB Nothing is worse and more hurtful than a happiness that comes too late. It can give no pleasure, yet...
IVAN TURGENEV The traditional misery index is worse right now than it was in 2001.
JASON FURMAN Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far,...
DOUG STANHOPE The trumpet does no more stun you by its loudness, than a whisper teases you by its provoking inaudi...
CHARLES LAMB Lorsen shook his head in amazement. 'You truly are disgusting.'
'I would be the last to disagre...
JOE ABERCROMBIE Well, yelling real loud, that's an important skill to have, too. You never know when you might walk ...
DIANE HAMMOND I'll never feel comfortable taking a strong drink, and I'll never feel easy smoking a cigare...
ELVIS PRESLEY The only thing worse than unrealized hope is no hope.
KEN POIROT She tried to get the knife away and they struggled, ... you know David, they probably won't believe ...
DAVID BOSS The only way to stop smoking is to just stop ð no ifs, ands or butts
EDITH ZITTLER Stephen Ireland's injury is worse than we first thought, so he will probably miss the rest of the se...
STUART PEARCE One thing I've learned in all these years is not to make love when you really don't feel it; there's...
NORMAN MAILER Trying and getting hurt can't possibly be worse for you than being... stuck.
ELIEZER YUDKOWSKY It takes about 48 hours to run its course, so we'll probably have a few more missing (Thursday), too...
GUY MORRISS There is no worse lie than a truth misunderstood by those who hear it.
WILLIAM JAMES No worse fate can befall a man than to be surrounded by traitor souls.
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever...
PAULO COELHO We just need probably a couple weeks or some time just to look for another place to live. That's wha...
CRISTINA HERNANDEZ The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing some...
DAVID SEDARIS Everyone is allowed to have their own truth and reality!
Just because it may be different than yours...
WAKE UP! MESSAGE There is no worse evil than a bad woman; and nothing has ever been produced better than a good one
EURIPIDES There is no worse bitterness than to reach the end of your life and realized you have not lived.
M. SCOTT PECK I know you're no worse than most men but I thought you were better. I never saw you as a man. I saw ...
ARTHUR MILLER
More David Sedaris
If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.
DAVID SEDARIS I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
DAVID SEDARIS I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people sa...
DAVID SEDARIS If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
DAVID SEDARIS Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result....
DAVID SEDARIS Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."
DAVID SEDARIS We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of phys...
DAVID SEDARIS Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
DAVID SEDARIS Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
DAVID SEDARIS Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading th...
DAVID SEDARIS Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, th...
DAVID SEDARIS I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's...
DAVID SEDARIS The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing ...
DAVID SEDARIS The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insis...
DAVID SEDARIS In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New Yor...
DAVID SEDARIS People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than ...
DAVID SEDARIS Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I’d...
DAVID SEDARIS Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes...
DAVID SEDARIS For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that rese...
DAVID SEDARIS I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.
DAVID SEDARIS but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
DAVID SEDARIS Potential boyfriends could not smoke Merit cigarettes, own or wear a pair of cowboy boots, or eat an...
DAVID SEDARIS It's a common mistake for vacationing Americans to assume that everyone around them is French and th...
DAVID SEDARIS I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an ...
DAVID SEDARIS If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt? I accepte...
DAVID SEDARIS What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyo...
DAVID SEDARIS In order to get the things I want, it helps me to pretend I’m a figure in a daytime drama, a schem...
DAVID SEDARIS Amy adored both the new look and the new person it allowed her to be. Following the photo shoot, she...
DAVID SEDARIS The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
DAVID SEDARIS The italian nanny was attempting to answer the teachers latest question when the moroccan student in...
DAVID SEDARIS I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an ...
DAVID SEDARIS At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loade...
DAVID SEDARIS On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From ...
DAVID SEDARIS When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that,...
DAVID SEDARIS I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I coul...
DAVID SEDARIS Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an und...
DAVID SEDARIS Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can't kill the Rooster. You might ca...
DAVID SEDARIS When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.
DAVID SEDARIS If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
DAVID SEDARIS People in trailers were canned and labeled much like the apple juice down at the plant, stamped with...
DAVID SEDARIS There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.
DAVID SEDARIS I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwi...
DAVID SEDARIS The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections o...
DAVID SEDARIS The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-y...
DAVID SEDARIS My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard o...
DAVID SEDARIS Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
DAVID SEDARIS I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter...
DAVID SEDARIS It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will...
DAVID SEDARIS After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where...
DAVID SEDARIS To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
DAVID SEDARIS Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to ...
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a ...
DAVID SEDARIS What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
DAVID SEDARIS People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive i...
DAVID SEDARIS No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
DAVID SEDARIS Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people a...
DAVID SEDARIS After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I d...
DAVID SEDARIS For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but...
DAVID SEDARIS At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would ...
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but I still keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.
DAVID SEDARIS People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that t...
DAVID SEDARIS I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it...
DAVID SEDARIS But most good movies have a gun in them.
DAVID SEDARIS They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too genero...
DAVID SEDARIS I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorist...
DAVID SEDARIS But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
DAVID SEDARIS Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do...
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospecti...
DAVID SEDARIS I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodr...
DAVID SEDARIS I've become like one of those people I hate, the sort who go to the museum and, instead of looking a...
DAVID SEDARIS If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you...
DAVID SEDARIS There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus “Leave me the fuck alone” comes o...
DAVID SEDARIS A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more ...
DAVID SEDARIS Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering ...
DAVID SEDARIS You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popey...
DAVID SEDARIS On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot...
DAVID SEDARIS States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don't want to get married, it tends t...
DAVID SEDARIS I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed.
DAVID SEDARIS When a hurricane damaged my father's house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers o...
DAVID SEDARIS It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of...
DAVID SEDARIS Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all o...
DAVID SEDARIS I'm just a big liar.
DAVID SEDARIS On Undecided Voters: "To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The f...
DAVID SEDARIS It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my ...
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS In Paris the cashiers sit rather than stand. They run your goods over a scanner, tally up the price,...
DAVID SEDARIS Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt...
DAVID SEDARIS I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people...
DAVID SEDARIS He took a sip of my father’s weak coffee and spit it back into the mug. "This shit’s like making...
DAVID SEDARIS Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar wit...
DAVID SEDARIS Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in m...
DAVID SEDARIS Like any normal fifth grader, I preferred my villains to be evil and stay that way, to act like Drac...
DAVID SEDARIS Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and...
DAVID SEDARIS Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—...
DAVID SEDARIS I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little fing...
DAVID SEDARIS Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
DAVID SEDARIS … [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve...
DAVID SEDARIS One thing about English-language bookstores in the age of Amazon is that it assumes that everybody h...
DAVID SEDARIS When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
DAVID SEDARIS Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shi...
DAVID SEDARIS the lower bunks, both of us longing to be pinned. “You kids think you invented sex,” my mother w...
DAVID SEDARIS Someone in our family had taken to wiping his or her ass on the bath towels. What made this exceptio...
DAVID SEDARIS The whole notion of the nursing home was something dreamed up by people like my mother; American wom...
DAVID SEDARIS The thing to remeber is that more than anything in this world, these colored people wish they were w...
DAVID SEDARIS the beauty of an art school: as long as you can pay the tuition, they will never, even in the gentle...
DAVID SEDARIS The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing some...
DAVID SEDARIS You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholi...
DAVID SEDARIS What are you, tap dancing up there? You want a put on a show, do you? Well, the theater's closed for...
DAVID SEDARIS You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, j...
DAVID SEDARIS My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for _who_ I am. Concentrate too hard...
DAVID SEDARIS They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of...
DAVID SEDARIS Motherfucker, you haven't got the fucking balls God gave a goddamned church mouse. You crawled out o...
DAVID SEDARIS Watching him was like opening the door to a siniging telegram; you know it's supposed to be entertai...
DAVID SEDARIS He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us!
DAVID SEDARIS Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where ...
DAVID SEDARIS We give anonymously because the sackfuls of thank-you letters break our hearts with their clumsy han...
DAVID SEDARIS If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit...
DAVID SEDARIS Motherfucker, you try that again and I'll come in there with a fucking coat hanger and give you some...
DAVID SEDARIS I’d always been afraid of sick people, and so had my mother. It wasn’t that we feared catching t...
DAVID SEDARIS As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
DAVID SEDARIS The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
DAVID SEDARIS I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down m...
DAVID SEDARIS I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
DAVID SEDARIS What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was...
DAVID SEDARIS I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.
DAVID SEDARIS College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for...
DAVID SEDARIS between the disfigurement and the muzzle, it's nearly impossible to catch what she's saying. Always,...
DAVID SEDARIS Shit is the tofu of cursing.
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective c...
DAVID SEDARIS Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that t...
DAVID SEDARIS When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had no...
DAVID SEDARIS If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven...
DAVID SEDARIS The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as lo...
DAVID SEDARIS Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
DAVID SEDARIS That man tried to picka my frienda’s pocketoni!
DAVID SEDARIS They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should...
DAVID SEDARIS All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is sa...
DAVID SEDARIS He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.
DAVID SEDARIS A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneas...
DAVID SEDARIS I hate computers. My hatred is entrenched, and I nourish it daily. I’m comfortable with it, and no...
DAVID SEDARIS As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
DAVID SEDARIS Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the...
DAVID SEDARIS Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in th...
DAVID SEDARIS whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn ...
DAVID SEDARIS If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk mo...
DAVID SEDARIS I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.
DAVID SEDARIS I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.
DAVID SEDARIS My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six mon...
DAVID SEDARIS Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
DAVID SEDARIS I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
DAVID SEDARIS But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
DAVID SEDARIS The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority....
DAVID SEDARIS The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I ...
DAVID SEDARIS Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has...
DAVID SEDARIS Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn't live through, I chose to weed out the little inconvenienc...
DAVID SEDARIS Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his ...
AMY SEDARIS Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were ...
AMY SEDARIS I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my...
AMY SEDARIS My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
AMY SEDARIS I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someo...
AMY SEDARIS You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use y...
AMY SEDARIS I'm very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to mak...
AMY SEDARIS I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's ...
AMY SEDARIS People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
AMY SEDARIS I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But...
AMY SEDARIS I think it's still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you're supposed to 'be'...
AMY SEDARIS More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They ...
AMY SEDARIS I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they're a little naive - you made it becaus...
AMY SEDARIS I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.
AMY SEDARIS If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I alway...
AMY SEDARIS You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character acto...
AMY SEDARIS Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny ...
AMY SEDARIS But I always like to play ugly people who think they're pretty.
AMY SEDARIS My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
AMY SEDARIS When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yoursel...
AMY SEDARIS Books are challenging and inspirational to me.
AMY SEDARIS I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.
AMY SEDARIS I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, includ...
AMY SEDARIS I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd ge...
AMY SEDARIS I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I'm gonna do it, and I'll see what riff ...
AMY SEDARIS We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
AMY SEDARIS My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea m...
AMY SEDARIS I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.
AMY SEDARIS My characters always like themselves.
AMY SEDARIS It's all about process to me - as long as it's fun to me, I don't care about the final product.
AMY SEDARIS It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high...
AMY SEDARIS I'm satisfied just thinking of the idea.
AMY SEDARIS I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS I'm not a first-place person.
AMY SEDARIS You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors w...
AMY SEDARIS I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
AMY SEDARIS It's driving me crazy! It's awful. I saw four last night during the Academy Awards. Four little baby...
AMY SEDARIS I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS