It's weird that apples bruise like humans. I'm glad they don't scream when you bite into them.

Just picked up a black pair of scissors thinking they were my glasses.
That definitely would't have enhanced my eyesight.

Do people normally wear boxers under their pyjamas?

I've been embarrassing myself since about birth.

Whenever I see an ambulance, I like to think there is a baby being born, rather than a death.

I'm finished, but I'm still not done.