I've purged myself of worldly goods; half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping.

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world?

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired?

You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists.

Remember what I used to tel you when you were a little girl? ‘A fool and her money soon part.’ Current-day translation? Stop pissing away your assets at Bloomingdale’s.