You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists.

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world?

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired?

I've purged myself of worldly goods; half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping.

I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?