Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.
Groucho Marx
Related The person that gives you a good book to read is more valuable than the one that gives you money,bec... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) He had what he called just a small ration of tools: A painted book. A handful of pencils.<... MARKUS ZUSAK Maybe that's what praying is all about. Maybe it's not just asking God to forgive us for bad things ... SARAH DARER LITTMAN How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful. EVANS G. VALENS This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Po... TERRY PRATCHETT Well, you can't know it without something having been sneezed. A.A. MILNE We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet. Even longer,' Pooh answered.” ... A.A. MILNE While there may not be a book in every one of us, there is so often a damned good short story. JEFFREY ARCHER Your book is a springboard and integral strategic part of your overall game plan. Being an author po... KYTKA HILMAR-JEZEK When a lot of voices, make up a noise, the man who is silent represents a voice. APURVA GAGLANI A successful teacher is one who has atleast 2 students in his class, one who sees no reason to study... APURVA GAGLANI We begin to fight. The wind and I. Horns locked. Battling each other with elements. LAURA DOCKRILL The second death. To think that you died and no one would remember you. I wondered if this was why w... MITCH ALBOM When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing w... A.A. MILNE Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and s... CARTER CROCKER The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the co... GORDON KORMAN The best way to learn to be a lady is to see how other ladies do it. MAE WEST There are no ugly women, only lazy ones HELENA RUBINSTEIN Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she mana... LESLIE MCINTYRE Personally, I think if a women hasn't met the right man by the time she's 24, she may be lucky DEBORAH KERR Outward beauty is not enough; to be attractive a woman must use words, wit, playfulness, sweet-talk,... PETRONIUS If a woman is sufficiently ambitious, determined and gifted - there is practically nothing she can't... HELEN LAWRENSON Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn... CLARE BOOTHE LUCE The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could g... BETTY GRABLE Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men. JOSEPH CONRAD There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad dayl... WASHINGTON IRVING [He considers me] just a uterus with legs. MARY BETH WHITEHEAD they were all ordinary until they took the extraordinary steps with courage to leave the extraordina... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH One day a little chicken was being mocked by the other chickens,because she was small and they were ... GARY F EVANS... If we all took a minute to reflect upon the wrong we do we would be quite surprised or shocked.Inste... GARY F EVANS... If we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love, and behave ... MITCH ALBOM Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. ANONYMOUS Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX You're full of contradictions, Ms. Wallace." I looked up at him and arched a brow. "I'm a girl... TAMMARA WEBBER Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX I am my own woman. EVITA PERóN Fred Zinnemann, on From Here To Eternity and The Sundowners really brings out of me, in a completely... DEBORAH KERR They need to understand they have to do something post secondary. Work is inevitable. They have to p... DEBORAH KERR If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live wi... JOAN POWERS Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?' 'Supposing it didn't,' said Pooh... A.A. MILNE By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes. E.M. FORSTER Endeavour to get a good name,because if you do,you will be indirectly making life easier for your gr... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) A good quote is far better than the best selling books. ANUJ SOMANY Endeavor to get a good name,because if you do,you will be indirectly making life easier for your gre... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) It is good to appreciate anothers good deeds, but let not your good deeds be known to others lest th... APURVA GAGLANI If given an opportunity to head an establishment,resite this "A good name will last better for my fa... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) If you have inherited a bad name from your parent,edit it,by becoming good,but if you are lucky to h... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Diamond & platinum are the obstacles that always stand in the way of a good name. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Let us endeavor to have a good name,for in so doing we are sowing good seeds,that will one day be ha... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) During times of sour or bad relationship a good person will always exhibit a pleasant character. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) A good name is a more bankable & valuable inheritance than diamond & platinum. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) A good name will open doors that diamond & platinum dare not. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) A good name can open ways for your great grand children. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) A good name is the only insurance we need against the monster called poverty. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) The best inheritance a man can leave for his children is not diamond & platinum,but a good name. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) All the riches in life are incomparable to a good name. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Even if other things remains unspoken in your life,a good name will continually speak for you, even ... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) All a guy needed was a chance. Somebody was alway controlling who got a chance and who didn't. CHARLES BUKOWSKI To know the hurt of what losing a loved one brings. Well put it this way time does not heal, you lea... GARY F EVANS... Things change, friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. STEPHEN CHBOSKY The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the ... ROB DELANEY Love is a growing, or full constant light, And his first minute, after noon, is night. JOHN DONNE You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part. HENRY JAMES A Ritual to Read to Each Other If you don’t know the kind of person I am and... WILLIAM STAFFORD I love you so much, so incredibly much," he went on, "and I forget when you're close to me, I forget... CASSANDRA CLARE Then the truth is this: a good man can only aspire to be worthy of a good woman. She'll always be ou... JAMES ANDERSON A dog is the greatest gift a parent can give a child. OK, a good education, then a dog. JOHN GROGAN Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. You're still lovely," Mor said a bit gently. Elain offered a half smile. "I suppose that war m... SARAH J. MAAS You can't have too much dog in a book. GAIL HONEYMAN Don’t make me happy. Please, don’t fill me up and let me think that something good can come of a... MARKUS ZUSAK Eventually I came across another passage. This is what it said: I am not commanding you, but I ... NICHOLAS SPARKS To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting. STEPHEN CHBOSKY I will never forget the vision of Jamie walking towards me. NICHOLAS SPARKS As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, the... NICHOLAS SPARKS You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on... HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them. HARPER LEE Nudity is fun, especially out of doors, but it is far more erotic when the wrappings are only partly... CHLOE THURLOW Underwear is the female second skin. CHLOE THURLOW When you undress a woman you discover in her lingerie clues to her mood and desires. These whispers ... CHLOE THURLOW When the candles are out all women are fair PLUTARCH Human beings tolerate what they understand they have to tolerate. JANE RULE She must not swing her arms as though they were dangling ropes; she must not switch herself this way... EMILY POST So few grown women like their lives KATHARINE GRAHAM Most women's magazines simply try to mold women into bigger and better consumers. GLORIA STEINEM You touch a screen to turn off lights in a room or activate the alarm system. The home owner can als... GEORGE JAMES Women are looking for good father material. He can mention the fact that he knows how to coach Littl... LORI GOTTLIEB History is a wheel, for the nature of man is fundamentally unchanging. What has happened before will... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN To know wisdom is to be all knowledgeable ,to use that knowledge for the greater good is to no that ... GARY F EVANS... Unsubscribe from should-a, would-a, could-a MICHAEL H. DANSBURY I suppose the part nearest me is Laura Reynolds in Tea and Sympathy. Of course playright Bob Anderso... DEBORAH KERR When I write and develop things myself, I might work for a while on a script from a book, and then I... BALTASAR KORMAKUR I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES A really plain woman is one who, however beautiful, neglects to charm EDGAR SALTUS A woman who has no way of expressing herself and of realizing herself as a full human being has noth... ENRIQUETA LONGAUEX-VASQUEZ I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it. SEX AND THE CITY
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ... GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day... GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and... GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle. GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How... GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p... GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money! GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell... GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ... GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man. GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d... GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w... GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea... GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words.... GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age. GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I... GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that. GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app... GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he... GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every... GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ... GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party. GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han... GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA... GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ... GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e... GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t... GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.” GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ... GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te... GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ... GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t... GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ... GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju... GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have... GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it... GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others. GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ... GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it. GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair. GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A: Someone who stay... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I... GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh... GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ... GROUCHO MARX