Let us be grateful to Adam, our benefactor. He cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.


Mark Twain

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All generalizations are false, including this one.
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If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.
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O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover th...
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A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself --it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so,...
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happiness to...
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I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treas...
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Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide i...
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I do not like work even when someone else does it.
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Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
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Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time.
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No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.
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We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether th...
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True ...
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- except he...
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There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were...
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People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
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My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody drinks water.
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When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a te...
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In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
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Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
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The lack of money is the root of all evils.
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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures...
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All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. ...
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Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Traini...
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only m...
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There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence.
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It is by the goodness of God that we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech...
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There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhe...
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To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his...
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One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
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A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
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A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, b...
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The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
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A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversati...
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expe...
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Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million.
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Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man aro...
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Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
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It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
MARK TWAIN
Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
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I've never let my school interfere with my education.
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In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in al...
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal di...
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A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going...
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Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the ca...
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If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the r...
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Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its...
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the reall...
MARK TWAIN
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
MARK TWAIN
′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read.
MARK TWAIN
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
MARK TWAIN
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN
The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.
MARK TWAIN
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Trut...
MARK TWAIN
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
MARK TWAIN
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
MARK TWAIN
All right, then, I'll go to hell.
MARK TWAIN
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
MARK TWAIN
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
MARK TWAIN
If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.
MARK TWAIN
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
MARK TWAIN
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it ...
MARK TWAIN
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
MARK TWAIN
Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
MARK TWAIN
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
MARK TWAIN
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
MARK TWAIN
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
MARK TWAIN