Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!


Groucho Marx

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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX
Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER
The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW
I wanted to make a point of basing myself at home, being close to my family. I'll never be able ...
RORY MCILROY
The difference between me and them is that I'll look at Jesse Jackson and I'll see four Jess...
CHRIS MATTHEWS
I'll never tell a lie. I'll never make a misleading statement. I'll never betray the con...
JIMMY CARTER
I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD
[...]
"Marry me," he said. "Marry me, Tess. Marry me and be Tessa Herondale. Or be Tessa Grey, ...
CASSANDRA CLARE
It's not a matter of vanity; it's a matter of sanity. I'll never look forever young, but...
PETE BURNS
I could be ordering ham at the deli, and someone will turn around and look at me and kind of stare. ...
RUTINA WESLEY
If somebody pisses me off and I understand it ain't personal then I'll go to another place a...
MARTIN LAWRENCE
When Steven Spielberg thinks you're the one, then I'll do anything. If you want me to put a ...
CHARLOTTE LE BON
Look at the forces against me. They don't want me out. They're afraid I'll cause trouble...
JACK KEVORKIAN
I know that for me, a lot of people will look at me and they'll think 'Somali' or 'o...
HALIMA ADEN
Sometimes when I pick up a book off the shelf, when I'm buying a new book to read, I'll look...
JENNIFER CARPENTER
I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE
My healthiest habit is eating a healthy breakfast every morning. I never miss breakfast. As a busy m...
SUMMER SANDERS
I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX
I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.&...
EMO PHILIPS
We've been asked to do 'Playboy' together, me and Victoria, as a pair. I don't think...
DAVID BECKHAM
If you look at the buildings, you'll find that one part looks as if it was designed by one man, ...
MINORU YAMASAKI
I'm having a vacation, and it's so beautiful, and maybe I'll never get another film idea...
LARS VON TRIER
I'll never feel comfortable taking a strong drink, and I'll never feel easy smoking a cigare...
ELVIS PRESLEY
If you look at my eyes when I'm dancing, you'll see that glazed look.
BEN STILLER
I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN
Would I marry again? No. But never say never. Why marry? It's a beautiful fortress, but I don...
ROBIN WRIGHT
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Never look backwards or you'll fall down the stairs.
RUDYARD KIPLING
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE
I wouldn't have raced a horse. But you'll then throw back at me that Jesse Owens raced again...
SEBASTIAN COE
The thing with gymnastics is people don't always know the events. So they'll ask me about th...
MCKAYLA MARONEY
I never thought I could get another horse who would get me as excited to the level as Madcap. And th...
BRUCE LUNSFORD
When I was 6, a family friend gave me E.L. Konigsburg's 'A Proud Taste for Scarlet and Miniv...
LAUREN WILLIG
The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN
One's family is the most important thing in life. I look at it this way: One of these days I'...
ROBERT BYRD
Nobody would take me seriously. They would take one look at me and say, 'O.K., folk singer.'...
MARY HALVORSON
You’re too much”, he said. “You talk too much, love too much, feel too much. And I don’t kno...
A BOOK I'LL NEVER WRITE
There are fans of some of the old movies that'll mention those, and there's people that have...
RICK MORANIS
I'm a small-town girl, and it'll never be beaten out of me.
ERICA DURANCE
Look, just tell me where that lemon came from and I'll shut up and go away.
RICKY GERVAIS
Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
SAINT JEROME
Never look a gift horse in the mouth!
ST. JEROME
I'd always rather be working - and you know what? My kids would rather me be working. If I stay ...
DANNY TREJO
Give me something to assemble, I won't look at the directions, I'll try to figure it out by ...
DAVE GROHL
I have never been accepted. I'll never make the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They're never go...
NANCY SINATRA
Just look at Kevin -- he's a horse. He's a horse and he gets after it.
TOM ARLIS
Opportunity knocks only once. You never know if you'll get another opportunity.
LEON SPINKS
The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH
I never went to school for acting; it just comes to me. I never practice. I read the script, I'l...
DAKOTA GOYO
I'd always heard stories about how Harpo Marx was the most talkative of the Marx brothers. I fou...
HARMONY KORINE
Give me another horse! Bind up my wounds!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
I'm completely cricketed out. If I never have to write another word about cricket again, I'l...
JOSEPH O'NEILL
I know something quite sure. We'll never have peace with this Syrian regime. They'll never g...
WALID JUMBLATT
When I'm 60, maybe, I'll look at my pile of papers and wonder, What really happened that yea...
CHRISTA MCAULIFFE
No one ever taught me, and I never had formal classes in pattern making, so I was like, Okay, I'...
ALEXANDER WANG
Black is overrated. You'll never find it in my stores. Of course it's slimming, but it's...
BRUNELLO CUCINELLI
You'll never find me in a gym.
ELLEN HOLLMAN
I'll never, ever be full. I'll always be hungry. Obviously, I'm not talking about food. ...
DWAYNE JOHNSON
I'll walk where my own nature would be leading: It vexes me to choose another guide.
EMILY BRONTE
I guess we?ll get another crack at this,
JACK WOLF
Locally, I'll vote one way and nationally, maybe another.
BILLY GRAHAM
The big rule is that you must never get mixed up with a married man - never even look sideways at an...
LAUREN BACALL
I look at Syracuse and I love the way that the coaches say they'll use me in their offense. I re...
NERLENS NOEL
The thing I like a lot about acting is I'll never learn enough. I'll never know it inside an...
DYLAN O'BRIEN
I have many books that I want to write; I'd like to think that I'll be around for another 20...
GEORGE R. R. MARTIN
I'll never get another first premiere again, especially at Sundance. I've just been trying t...
HARLEY QUINN SMITH
I'll reshoot a corridor 13 different ways, and you'll never recognise them.
RIDLEY SCOTT
If I have another child, I doubt I'll get married again. I don't think men particularly want...
ANNA NICOLE SMITH
The horse was moaning and (Smith) was moaning, ... He looked up at me, and he had a bad look on his ...
CHRIS CLARK
Everything I do, I go to black people. If I have a problem at the airport, I'll go to the black ...
GARY OWEN
Marry someone who flatters you. Because I've written 80 books since 'War Horse' but when...
MICHAEL MORPURGO
I look at Jagger and the like and if I see a good attitude I'll admire it but I wouldn't cop...
MICHAEL HUTCHENCE
You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the...
JANET EVANOVICH
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'...
SOCRATES
I'll never forget one time a fan came up to me crying, and told me, 'You really inspire me t...
BECKY G
I'll never make it, it will never happen, because they're never going to hear me 'cause ...
ELVIS PRESLEY
Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great.
CHER
It's really not about me. At the end of the day, God willing, I'll have another 40 or 50 yea...
MACKLEMORE
I'd heard about a shipwreck that was never found - John Paul Jones' Bonhomme Richard. So I t...
CLIVE CUSSLER
I was born Roman, and I'll die Roman. I'll never leave this team or my city.
FRANCESCO TOTTI
I would never look a gift horse in the mouth. I've had some lovely homemade earrings and, recent...
REBECCA STEAD
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX
The feather in your cap is to get a man you love who'll marry you.
ZSA ZSA GABOR
I'll look through 'Us Weekly' and I'll see a picture of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Annis...
MOBY
When my son was 3 years old - I'll never forget this - there was this homeless guy walking towar...
AL MADRIGAL
I really never look at my health issues as 'Woe is me.' I've seen the reality of that. A...
RICK MAJERUS
I'll never forget the first screening at the Berlin Film Festival. As soon as the film ended the...
JOHN SCHLESINGER
I'll lift you and you lift me, and we'll both ascend together.
JOHN GREENLEAF WHITTIER
I like to get suggestions on what to read. I'll look at Twitter, people I like, people I admire....
VANCE JOY
I think every little girl wants a pony, ... So, it's exciting. For me, if I didn't have a horse, I'd...
DAKOTA FANNING
Since I was a kid - youngest of five kids - I've always been starved for attention, like 'Lo...
BRENDON URIE
I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett....
JOHN MULANEY
Sometimes I don't want to stand around a room full of strangers, chitchatting about nothing, so ...
CHERYL HINES
Some things you'll never know, and some things you'll wish you never knew.
ERIC WILLIAMS

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX
Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX