Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I wanted to make a point of basing myself at home, being close to my family. I'll never be able ...
RORY MCILROY The difference between me and them is that I'll look at Jesse Jackson and I'll see four Jess...
CHRIS MATTHEWS I'll never tell a lie. I'll never make a misleading statement. I'll never betray the con...
JIMMY CARTER I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD [...]
"Marry me," he said. "Marry me, Tess. Marry me and be Tessa Herondale. Or be Tessa Grey, ...
CASSANDRA CLARE It's not a matter of vanity; it's a matter of sanity. I'll never look forever young, but...
PETE BURNS I could be ordering ham at the deli, and someone will turn around and look at me and kind of stare. ...
RUTINA WESLEY If somebody pisses me off and I understand it ain't personal then I'll go to another place a...
MARTIN LAWRENCE When Steven Spielberg thinks you're the one, then I'll do anything. If you want me to put a ...
CHARLOTTE LE BON Look at the forces against me. They don't want me out. They're afraid I'll cause trouble...
JACK KEVORKIAN I know that for me, a lot of people will look at me and they'll think 'Somali' or 'o...
HALIMA ADEN Sometimes when I pick up a book off the shelf, when I'm buying a new book to read, I'll look...
JENNIFER CARPENTER I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE My healthiest habit is eating a healthy breakfast every morning. I never miss breakfast. As a busy m...
SUMMER SANDERS I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.&...
EMO PHILIPS We've been asked to do 'Playboy' together, me and Victoria, as a pair. I don't think...
DAVID BECKHAM If you look at the buildings, you'll find that one part looks as if it was designed by one man, ...
MINORU YAMASAKI I'm having a vacation, and it's so beautiful, and maybe I'll never get another film idea...
LARS VON TRIER I'll never feel comfortable taking a strong drink, and I'll never feel easy smoking a cigare...
ELVIS PRESLEY If you look at my eyes when I'm dancing, you'll see that glazed look.
BEN STILLER I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN Would I marry again? No. But never say never. Why marry? It's a beautiful fortress, but I don...
ROBIN WRIGHT The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Never look backwards or you'll fall down the stairs.
RUDYARD KIPLING When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE I wouldn't have raced a horse. But you'll then throw back at me that Jesse Owens raced again...
SEBASTIAN COE The thing with gymnastics is people don't always know the events. So they'll ask me about th...
MCKAYLA MARONEY I never thought I could get another horse who would get me as excited to the level as Madcap. And th...
BRUCE LUNSFORD When I was 6, a family friend gave me E.L. Konigsburg's 'A Proud Taste for Scarlet and Miniv...
LAUREN WILLIG The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN One's family is the most important thing in life. I look at it this way: One of these days I'...
ROBERT BYRD Nobody would take me seriously. They would take one look at me and say, 'O.K., folk singer.'...
MARY HALVORSON You’re too much”, he said. “You talk too much, love too much, feel too much. And I don’t kno...
A BOOK I'LL NEVER WRITE There are fans of some of the old movies that'll mention those, and there's people that have...
RICK MORANIS I'm a small-town girl, and it'll never be beaten out of me.
ERICA DURANCE Look, just tell me where that lemon came from and I'll shut up and go away.
RICKY GERVAIS Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
SAINT JEROME Never look a gift horse in the mouth!
ST. JEROME I'd always rather be working - and you know what? My kids would rather me be working. If I stay ...
DANNY TREJO Give me something to assemble, I won't look at the directions, I'll try to figure it out by ...
DAVE GROHL I have never been accepted. I'll never make the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They're never go...
NANCY SINATRA Just look at Kevin -- he's a horse. He's a horse and he gets after it.
TOM ARLIS Opportunity knocks only once. You never know if you'll get another opportunity.
LEON SPINKS The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I never went to school for acting; it just comes to me. I never practice. I read the script, I'l...
DAKOTA GOYO I'd always heard stories about how Harpo Marx was the most talkative of the Marx brothers. I fou...
HARMONY KORINE Give me another horse! Bind up my wounds!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I'm completely cricketed out. If I never have to write another word about cricket again, I'l...
JOSEPH O'NEILL I know something quite sure. We'll never have peace with this Syrian regime. They'll never g...
WALID JUMBLATT When I'm 60, maybe, I'll look at my pile of papers and wonder, What really happened that yea...
CHRISTA MCAULIFFE No one ever taught me, and I never had formal classes in pattern making, so I was like, Okay, I'...
ALEXANDER WANG Black is overrated. You'll never find it in my stores. Of course it's slimming, but it's...
BRUNELLO CUCINELLI You'll never find me in a gym.
ELLEN HOLLMAN I'll never, ever be full. I'll always be hungry. Obviously, I'm not talking about food. ...
DWAYNE JOHNSON I'll walk where my own nature would be leading: It vexes me to choose another guide.
EMILY BRONTE I guess we?ll get another crack at this,
JACK WOLF Locally, I'll vote one way and nationally, maybe another.
BILLY GRAHAM The big rule is that you must never get mixed up with a married man - never even look sideways at an...
LAUREN BACALL I look at Syracuse and I love the way that the coaches say they'll use me in their offense. I re...
NERLENS NOEL The thing I like a lot about acting is I'll never learn enough. I'll never know it inside an...
DYLAN O'BRIEN I have many books that I want to write; I'd like to think that I'll be around for another 20...
GEORGE R. R. MARTIN I'll never get another first premiere again, especially at Sundance. I've just been trying t...
HARLEY QUINN SMITH I'll reshoot a corridor 13 different ways, and you'll never recognise them.
RIDLEY SCOTT If I have another child, I doubt I'll get married again. I don't think men particularly want...
ANNA NICOLE SMITH The horse was moaning and (Smith) was moaning, ... He looked up at me, and he had a bad look on his ...
CHRIS CLARK Everything I do, I go to black people. If I have a problem at the airport, I'll go to the black ...
GARY OWEN Marry someone who flatters you. Because I've written 80 books since 'War Horse' but when...
MICHAEL MORPURGO I look at Jagger and the like and if I see a good attitude I'll admire it but I wouldn't cop...
MICHAEL HUTCHENCE You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the...
JANET EVANOVICH By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'...
SOCRATES I'll never forget one time a fan came up to me crying, and told me, 'You really inspire me t...
BECKY G I'll never make it, it will never happen, because they're never going to hear me 'cause ...
ELVIS PRESLEY Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great.
CHER It's really not about me. At the end of the day, God willing, I'll have another 40 or 50 yea...
MACKLEMORE I'd heard about a shipwreck that was never found - John Paul Jones' Bonhomme Richard. So I t...
CLIVE CUSSLER I was born Roman, and I'll die Roman. I'll never leave this team or my city.
FRANCESCO TOTTI I would never look a gift horse in the mouth. I've had some lovely homemade earrings and, recent...
REBECCA STEAD I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX The feather in your cap is to get a man you love who'll marry you.
ZSA ZSA GABOR I'll look through 'Us Weekly' and I'll see a picture of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Annis...
MOBY When my son was 3 years old - I'll never forget this - there was this homeless guy walking towar...
AL MADRIGAL I really never look at my health issues as 'Woe is me.' I've seen the reality of that. A...
RICK MAJERUS I'll never forget the first screening at the Berlin Film Festival. As soon as the film ended the...
JOHN SCHLESINGER I'll lift you and you lift me, and we'll both ascend together.
JOHN GREENLEAF WHITTIER I like to get suggestions on what to read. I'll look at Twitter, people I like, people I admire....
VANCE JOY I think every little girl wants a pony, ... So, it's exciting. For me, if I didn't have a horse, I'd...
DAKOTA FANNING Since I was a kid - youngest of five kids - I've always been starved for attention, like 'Lo...
BRENDON URIE I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett....
JOHN MULANEY Sometimes I don't want to stand around a room full of strangers, chitchatting about nothing, so ...
CHERYL HINES Some things you'll never know, and some things you'll wish you never knew.
ERIC WILLIAMS
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX