Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.


Groucho Marx

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I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I would horsewhip you if I had a horse
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
S. J. PERELMAN
I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN
One time, I was given an essay topic: to describe a perfect horse, whom the mere sight of the rider&...
MARQUIS DE LAFAYETTE
The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
You were a lord if you had a horse...
Far back, far back in our dark soul the horse prances. . . ...
D. H. (DAVID HERBERT) LAWRENCE
A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.
BIBLE
If I paint a wild horse, you might not see the horse... but surely you will see the wildness!
PABLO PICASSO
No horse jokes," he said.
"My lord, I apologize for the horse joke. If you put down the book---...
CYNTHIA HAND
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX
I would travel only by horse, if I had the choice.
LINDA MCCARTNEY
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW
A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
I think every little girl wants a pony, ... So, it's exciting. For me, if I didn't have a horse, I'd...
DAKOTA FANNING
I love my horse. He ran big today. He had a little trouble the last quarter, but I put him in the cl...
CORNELIO VELASQUEZ
If you ride a horse you are responsible for its directions so is you and your life......mind you lif...
PRINCE HOPKINS AMACHREE
If you fall off a horse, you get back up. I am not a quitter.
OLIVIA WILDE
He is a potential Group horse and has shown me as much as any horse I've had,
DANNY WILLIAMS
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
I'd like to win an Oscar and then refuse it so I can protest the way they've treated Marlon ...
MICHAEL HORSE
Wherever you repress people, they get hold of a crayon and a bit of scrap paper, and they chronicle ...
MICHAEL HORSE
I was taught that you can't be a healthy individual without art, music, or nature in your life. ...
MICHAEL HORSE
The FBI was formed because the gangsters were better armed, better financed.
MICHAEL HORSE
The old image of Tonto and the Lone Ranger was one that we, as Indian people, didn't care much f...
MICHAEL HORSE
He was still ... battling with (illness) the way he did for Liverpool and England.
CRAZY HORSE
I was very worried about the loose horse. Any time you see a loose horse on the lead, you get nervou...
STEVE ASMUSSEN
It's very normal. Nobody's trying to hurt the horse, but it's not good for my image if you know ever...
CHRIS GROVE
My mother had her own horse. Her father drove a horse and carriage and his horses were the best.
LARRY MORRISSEY
He went from the best horse in the barn to a retired horse. I never thought he'd return. I just had ...
BILL MOTT
You took care of your horse, and your horse took care of you.
ELTON GALLEGLY
A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse! -King Richard III. Act v. Sc. 4.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
He's a good horseman on top of a horse. When he's on a horse he can tell you a lot about that horse;...
GARY CONTESSA
I had him in the corner of my eye. He's a good horse and he was the horse to beat, but I just got th...
JOSE LEZCANO
If a poet knows more about a horse than he does about heaven, he might better stick to the horse, an...
CHARLES IVES
You try to do the best with what you've got and ignore everything else. That's why horses ge...
JIMMY IOVINE
You can only kick a dead horse so many times before it stops looking like a horse
CESAR RIOJAS
You can only kick a dead horse so many times before it stops looking like a horse
CESAR RIOJAS III
Treat a horse like a woman and a woman like a horse. And they'll both win for you.
ELIZABETH ARDEN
For what the horse does under compulsion, as Simon also observes, is done without understanding; and...
XENOPHON
What an extraordinary thing it is, Mr. Darwin seems to spend hours in cracking a horse-whip in his r...
CHARLES DARWIN
You can't lead a cavalry if you think that you look funny riding a horse.
JOHN PEERS
When Bryan said how the horse had worked at home, I expected a good run from him. He is a very nice ...
JAMIE SPENCER
They say, 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth,' but when it's a Trojan horse, you do.
ERIC JOHANSSON
I wish my horse had the speed of your tongue.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue . . .
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
So often at home in the West Village, I'm like, 'Why aren't I allowed a horse?' I wo...
CARY FUKUNAGA
The difference between an author and a horse is that the horse doesn't understand the horse dealer's...
MAX FRISCH
I knew all I had to do was ride my horse to the finish line. I'm definitely not riding my horse to t...
KEVIN OSTERMAN
She was riding a new horse, not her regular horse.
LIZ ROSENBERG
Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be.
TERRY PRATCHETT
What kind of a horse?"
"A miraculous kind of horse
STEVEN SPIELBERG
I do tell governments we're selling you a Trojan horse,
NICHOLAS NEGROPONTE
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE
There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.
WINSTON S. CHURCHILL
A canter is the cure for all evil.
BENJAMIN DISRAELI
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
ADLAI STEVENSON
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
ADLAI E. STEVENSON II
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
ADLAI E. STEVENSON
As there was no saddle, Lisa said to the horse, “May I pull myself up?”

And damned if...
JACKIE KESSLER
Find your horse. Discover the direction the horse is going. Ride the horse in that direction.
PETER MCWILLIAMS
Any time you see a horse loose on the lead like that you get nervous. If that loose horse lost conce...
STEVE ASMUSSEN
I wanted a baby horse, and I found out about the foundation through a friend who got a horse that wa...
MADDY BEGONIA
You've got to stop whipping a dead horse sometime.
JIM KNIGHT
The City Council kind of looked a gift horse in the mouth. And now we're not sure if the horse has g...
ARI ADLER
The difference between an author and a horse is that the horse doesn't understand the horse deal...
MAX FRISCH
And then I bought my own horse, which I had until it died.
ERIC ROBERTS
If a horse won't eat it, I don't want to play on it.
RICHIE ALLEN
It's a bold decision to run in the Classic, but one I totally agree with. He's a fully mature, stree...
LUCA CUMANI
If you are fearful, a horse will back off. If you are calm and confident, it will come forward. For ...
CLARE BALDING
What it comes down to is that anybody can win with the best horse. What makes you good is if you can...
VICKY ARAGON
Horse racing is waning in popularity.
ELAYNE BOOSLER
Villain, a horse--Villain, I say, give me a horse to fly, To swim the river, villain, and to fly.
GEORGE PEELE
She used to be a race horse but she'd been abused. I had no intention of buying a horse that old, bu...
JAMIE WOODRUFF
If you'd called me an ox, I'd have said I was an ox; if you'd called me a horse, I'd have said I was...
ZHUANGZI
Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER
A horse is a horse,it ain´t make a difference what color it is.
JOHN WAYNE
A horse is a horse,it ain´t make a difference what color it is.
JOHN WAYNE
If a horse has four legs, and I'm riding it, I think I can win.
ANGEL CORDERO JR.
If a horse has four legs, and I'm riding it, I think I can win.
CHARLES CALEB COLTON
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
ADLAI E. STEVENSON
If two ride on a horse, one must ride behind.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
He's got the breeding and the pedigree to be a decent horse. I just think I got lucky in getting him...
ART SHERMAN
I just want to say this horse is going to be a very good horse and has a chance of going to the Kent...
CHARLES FLETCHER
Why is there always a secret singing when a lawyer cashes in? Why does a hearse horse snicker haulin...
CARL SANDBURG
Just look at Kevin -- he's a horse. He's a horse and he gets after it.
TOM ARLIS
It was a 26 horse (power) originally. It's modified now and runs 100 horse.
ABE BEACHY
I'd like to play a horse, many people think I already have. Either end of the horse would be fin...
DAWN FRENCH
When you close the barn door after the horse has escaped, that horse is personally identifiable data...
ALMA GONZALEZ
You don't expect to sell a $16 million horse. I don't know if it will happen again in my lifetime.
BOYD BROWNING
I had rather ride on an asse that carries me, then a horse that throwes me.
GEORGE HERBERT
You look like a horse in a man costume
DYLAN MORAN
Jon Glass had vaulted over the fence and was now approaching a horse chosen by some sort of weird ho...
SARAH REES BRENNAN
I think you are putting the cart before the horse.
OLYMPIA SNOWE
You smell like burning horse hair.
RICK RIORDAN
Hazel blinked. “Two gods had a horse for a kid?”
“Long story.
RICK RIORDAN

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX
Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX