Most people are boring and stupid.

Irony is wasted on the stupid

Married men are horribly tedious when they are good husbands, and abominably conceited when they are not

The only way a woman can ever reform her husband is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life

Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon... I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.
What did he die of?
Bunbury? Oh, he was exploded!

The ugly and stupid have the best of it in this world. They can sit at their ease and gape at the play. If they know nothing of victory, they are at least spared the knowledge of defeat. They live as we all should live-- undisturbed, indifferent, and without disquiet. They never bring ruin upon others, nor ever receive it from alien hands. Your rank and wealth, Henry; my brains, such as they are-- my art, whatever it may be worth; Dorian Gray's good looks-- we shall all suffer for what the gods have given us, suffer terribly.