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My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too!


Rodney Dangerfield

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly to...
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RODNEY DANGERFIELD Now I look like Rodney Dangerfield. He wasn't too bad looking when he was younger.
BILL PETERSON I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
ANONYMOUS On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn'...
PAUL MERTON I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that s...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn&...
PAUL MERTON The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for com...
ROBERT KLEIN I told him I would have too see about paying him, ... He told me not to worry about it.
JIMMY WHITE He said that if I ever hurt you, he'd find me and kill me. I told him that if I ever hurt you, I'd w...
CYNDI TEFFT When they stood up and I stayed where I was, he asked me if I was going to stand and I told him that...
ROSA PARKS I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.
JIM GAFFIGAN I teased Geoffrey. I told him he had become my id, ... Every antisocial thought I ever had, he was g...
DOUG WRIGHT Dont try to go too fast. Learn your job. Dont ever talk until you know what youre talking about. If ...
SAM RAYBURN He told me, he told you, he told everybody. And they killed him.
DANIEL CORONELL I was so proud of Rodney Carney today. It would be so easy for Rodney to play for himself right now....
JOHN CALIPARI I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He sa...
CRAIG FERGUSON He was going door-to-door looking for school crossing guards and went to my in-laws' house, ... They...
KAREN TURNER Bob Novak called me before he went to print with the report and he said a CIA source had told him th...
JOE WILSON dont read my diary when im gone, ok im going to work now , when you wake up please read my diary, lo...
KURT COBAIN First, my doctor told me the good news. He said I was going to have a disease named after me.
STEVE MARTIN I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD You told me I smelled - like bacon."
"Well," he said evenly. "That's awkward.
MICHELLE HODKIN I told him that he better be good to you. When you came along, I said I'd share you, but I told him ...
ANN BRASHARES I asked, and the [official] told me it wasn't anything [Perry] said. He said he just didn't like the...
DAVID PYPER He told me he was going to 'give me my church' right then. He read from Genesis and said a prayer.
ELAINE THOMAS I spoke to him (Tuesday) night and he said he'd like to play me in HORSE. I told him I'm probably to...
BOB LLOYD He asked me how many high school games I had coached. I told him it was around 780, and he said, 'I ...
FLOYD CIRUTI If you'd have told me that before the game I would have said you were crazy. But the turnovers prett...
BRIAN SNIDER Gilbert told me going into the second half, 'You can't do anything if you don't let it ride,'? He sh...
ANTAWN JAMISON I told him if they score a touchdown, I'm going to kick the game-winning field goal. He said they we...
JAMIE CHRISTENSEN Scully,' [Mulder] said, his voice quiet and serious, 'with the... unorthodox explanations I often fi...
KEVIN J. ANDERSON I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD If I knew he loved me for my wealth, I would have told him I was richer.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA I said don't hang up..whatever you do, don't hang up. And I told him my predicament. I said I'm goin...
STANLEY BAUCH I've always followed my father's advice: he told me, first to always keep my word and, second, to ne...
JOHN WAYNE I'll never forget my father's response when I told him I wanted to be a lawyer. He said, 'If you do ...
CASSANDRA DUNN Once he asked me what I thought had turned me gay."
"I hope you told him you were bitten by a g...
CASSANDRA CLARE I had a nightmare. So my friend asked me what it was. I told him it was him sleeping with my mom. He...
MUNTAZIR M. We're the Rodney Dangerfield of the league. Nobody knows who we are.
STEVE TAYLOR I told him, the kids and I are leaving, ... And I wanted him to come, and he said he was going to st...
DIANE JOHNSON If you told me in 2004 that Howard Dean would end up running the Democratic Party months after losin...
HOWARD FINEMAN I told him like I told everyone on national television that I didn't intentionally hit him but it wa...
RYAN NEWMAN I ope ya don't mind, Charlie, but I borrowed one a ya effs.'
'Ya did?'
'Yeah.' he smiled. ...
ROBERT NEWTON He told me he missed it, and I'm going to miss it, too.
DEANDRE HAYNES My father once said something very shrewd about me to a woman journalist who had told him how courag...
GORE VIDAL My friend told me later he got the chicken pox. I told him I caught politics and never got over it.
JACK JOHNSON I told him he has to (come back). If I'm going to be here, he has to be here. I told him, 'How am I ...
ANDY MCCOLLUM We sat down eye to eye. I told him what I expected of him, and he told me what he expected of me.
LONDRICK NOLEN Id rather be told am beautiful than get a poem saying I look like sunshine
KIMBERLY SHILENJE I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENRY YOUNGMAN What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wif...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wi...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD The worst was relizing that I’d lost him for nothing because he’d been rght about all of it-- va...
CLAUDIA GRAY A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months.' I ...
RED SKELTON When one told Plistarchus that a notorious railer spoke well of him, "I'll lay my life," said he, "s...
PLUTARCH My dad told me he always set me on stuff. He rode bulls, too.
CRAIG JACKSON I told director of my camp what he said, so he called him and gave him a couple of words. I asked my...
ALEXANDER BUNEGIN Im going to Invest in a Turtle shell so i dont have to Watch MY Back. add ME to the Ninja Turtles Li...
KALUM JOHNSON (KDOG) I know what it feels like now, I told him, as he congratulated me.
MICHAEL WAITE Okay," I said, "what's your biggest fear?"
As always, he took a second to think about the answe...
SARAH DESSEN Kids threw rocks at me, told me I was ugly and left death threats in my locker.
KEVYN AUCOIN He told me that I don't respect him and he's going to let me go so I can play for a team and a coach...
DEMETRIS BENDROSS If I change my name again y'all can have me certified as crazy. Alright?
SEAN COMBS Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy… but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not hi...
JENNIFER DAYDREAMER John Kerry said today that he stands by ... his claim that certain foreign leaders have told him tha...
JAY LENO I told you I didn't want to fight with Charlie."
"Nobody said that you had to."
I glowered...
STEPHENIE MEYER I told him he could have it. If he gave me a new house. Or a new motorcycle.
EDDIE PEREZ My second grade teacher told me I would never graduate high school. That I was going to be a juvenil...
MILES TELLER He told me he was sorry about my son, and that he made a mistake. I told him that I understood that....
HARZEL TYUS He told me, 'I want you to be good to my boys,' ... And I said, 'I'm going to find the truth and wri...
DAVID MARANISS After the awards, I didn't win, my father called me up and told me that the man from Johnstown had p...
JAMES STEWART Looks like my baby dont live here no more...thats alright, ive still got my guitar.....................
JIMI HENDRIX I held his hand. I told him I loved him for some reason. I told him he was doing good and he was goi...
ASHLEY PERRY I told him he was my angel.
LILLIAN HOLLINGSWORTH If you'd told me I'd have these problems from the first month of the season, I'd have told you were ...
MIKE HAMPTON I told him he rode my back into the locker room, and outside on the field, too.
LAMAR SMITH He pointed at me and said, 'that one won't stand up.' The two policemen came near me and only one sp...
ROSA PARKS I heard that he said something like that, ... In the ring, it's only me and (Krasniqi). My trainer t...
LAMON BREWSTER Tell me," Bren said. "I thought you'd despaired."
"I did, too."
"What then? Tell me...
CHINA MIéVILLE She was like a second mom to my oldest. When I told him she died, his face, it just shattered into p...
BEATRIZ LOPEZ “My mentor told me show me your calendar and I will tell you if you are going to rich or not.”
JEFF PACKARD Even my girlfriend told me I was crazy. Who in their right mind would want to set up shop in the sma...
ADAM MEYER I told him I appreciated it. I told him he'd be a real tough opponent, and I'd much rather have him ...
JACK CARTER I dialed the number slowly, wanting to get it right. Two rings, and he picked up.
"Yes," I sai...
SARAH DESSEN We dont know what were going to go home to, ... If we dont have anything anymore, Im not sure I want...
IAN WILLIAMSON My doctor said I dont use the same side of the brain everyone else uses. lol.. Im insane laawwwwdd ....
NERISSA IRVING I told my son to write down exactly what he told me.
ACENCION RIVERA I'd talk to him two or three times a week, but every time I hung up with him, I told him I loved him...
PHIL SEGUIN If you had told me before the game we'd hold him to under 100 yards, I'd have said we'd have a win.
BRANDON VILLARREAL i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g...
SIMI GREWAL Antoine said he had a boat and a generator if he needed it. He told me he wasn't going to leave New ...
AL EMBRY I drank a little bit and told him it tasted ugly, ... it will relax you. I know you're all stressed ...
MICHAEL JACKSON 'This is a family,' he told me. ... And he said, 'What do I have to do to prove I love my child?
JOSE SERRANO Throughout our courtship, Kenny told me that he had proof that Saddam Hussein was a threat because h...
RENEE ZELLWEGER He said to me 'How come I haven't seen you in the classrooms or the hallways at the Junior High? I t...
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RODNEY TENTION He's the best in the business. He's a beast. We miss his leadership. We miss his smile. We miss his ...
RODNEY HARRISON I turned around and I saw him down and I just started praying for him because you never want to see ...
RODNEY HARRISON I don't anticipate any problems. Eric's been in the system. We love both of those guys to death. We ...
RODNEY HARRISON There's nothing easy about winning a game in the National Football League, let alone winning a champ...
RODNEY HARRISON We're not defending anything, because we don't have anything. (This) is a new season, just like 2005...
RODNEY HARRISON It's very hard. You see the score and you want to slack up. But you can't because Cal is on the side...
RODNEY CARNEY I played against him in basketball tournaments back in New York, prep school, anything you can name ...
RODNEY EPPERSON The energy of college football rivals that of a live performance for me. I am an extremely analytica...
RODNEY ATKINS People look at me like I should have been like Malcolm X or Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks. I shou...
RODNEY KING I won some genetic lottery. I always happened to be strangely good at mathematics in my head. I just...
RODNEY BROOKS She took a great angle. We've been stressing that. Early on in the season we weren't taking great an...
RODNEY TAYLOR The great myth that many social scientists want to encourage is that there is an incompatibility bet...
RODNEY STARK Well, he's a fiery guy. He's very competitive. He's high-spirited, he's emotional. ... I guess he's ...
RODNEY HARRISON We have to accept that we are just machines. That's certainly what modern molecular biology says...
RODNEY BROOKS We cannot let these sounds [find] and over-excite a sympathetic resonance.
RODNEY ROCHA The most glaringly obvious fact about the present case is the significant media and public interest ...
RODNEY MELVILLE I couldn't live here. The real estate is too high.
RODNEY CARNEY Do you want me to shut the trial down this afternoon? ... You are not to engage in this kind of inte...
RODNEY MELVILLE We as taxpayers have put in well over $12 to $15 billion of investment in a repository for high-leve...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Let me make it clear: I support health care reform. I just don't support Nancy Pelosi's vers...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I think it's better to wear outfits because everyone has on the same thing.
RODNEY HUGHES I don't see how you can grow as a world without being able to get along with people. So many peo...
RODNEY KING Hands-on experience is the best way to learn about all the interdisciplinary aspects of robotics.
RODNEY BROOKS I saw my hometown burning that day.
RODNEY KING The purpose of the 'Way Forward Group' is simply to do, in a formal way, what the royal family in Br...
RODNEY BARKER The current sleaze scandal is potentially very, very damaging indeed for the government, because the...
RODNEY BARKER If you look at almost any prominent political thinking intellectual these days, they have all moved ...
RODNEY BARKER This is purely an intellectual endeavor.
RODNEY MARTIN 'It's Alright, Ma' would be the prototype for that tune, I freely admit, ... When I was 12 years old...
RODNEY CROWELL I kicked it in full gear on the last lap, and ran it in like 52 seconds.
RODNEY OYLER The only place for women in football is making the tea at half-time.
RODNEY MARSH ...but we know better now, don't we?
RODNEY LOVELL So maybe with the research robots that are out there, people will come up with ways to use them to t...
RODNEY BROOKS The Keystone pipeline is one of those things that's sort of a political driver. And mostly, the ...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Right now my favorite TV show - because it's too close to home - is 'My Name Is Earl.' T...
RODNEY ATKINS Our external experiences are what make us different. Our internal systems are what make us the same.
RODNEY LOVELL Judge yourself fairly. Sentence yourself lightly. Pardon yourself often.
RODNEY LOVELL An infinitesimal illumination is most valuable in the darkest room.
RODNEY LOVELL Sometimes a significant truth is found in a simple sentence.
RODNEY LOVELL