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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!


Rodney Dangerfield

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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.
JIM GAFFIGAN And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for com...
ROBERT KLEIN Now I look like Rodney Dangerfield. He wasn't too bad looking when he was younger.
BILL PETERSON I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happenin...
STEVE CARELL We're the Rodney Dangerfield of the league. Nobody knows who we are.
STEVE TAYLOR A man and wife should see the best in each other, should work together, should enjoy each other.
GENA SHOWALTER Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happening? W...
STEVE CARELL I'll usually stay up a little later than my wife and play Xbox, a little 'Modern Warfare 3.&...
RICH SOMMER She is my mate. And my spy,' I said too quietly. 'And she is the High Lady of the Night Court.'
SARAH J. MAAS It just blossomed from there, ... He worked with my son with basketball. I ask about his kids and hi...
CHRIS BYRD I have sons, and they have never said the word hell in front of me or my wife. That's the truth.
DANNY AIELLO I've been married three times, but I'll never forget my first trip as a young man, on my hon...
JOE PESCI No one - not a conservative or liberal or whatever - can stand back and 'define' what marria...
KURT EICHENWALD My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
LES DAWSON I have a strong marriage, and my wife and I love each other.
MIKE CRAPO My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugl...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I don't have a bunch of mates. I don't have a man cave. My wife and I, we are each other'...
CORBIN BERNSEN I finally got a chance to talk to my daughter from my previous marriage. I just got married May 3 to...
PETER CRISS I'll never forget one of those things that my father said to me. My father said: 'You know w...
ROB LOWE I remember I was unsure about doing 'Shameless.' I'd never acted in anything so commerci...
ANNE-MARIE DUFF My math teacher once said to my class.."There is nothing like day and night to me. I work when I hav...
NANA ADJOA SAAM IRENE NYAME YE AGGREY-FYNN I work every day hard. I put my body through hell. Let me tell you, every year, seven months of the ...
MO FARAH I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife and I love each other very much.
STEPHEN HAWKING I didn't really enjoy reading until I married my wife and we began reading the Bible out loud to...
ROGER MCGUINN I have sons, and they have never said the word hell in front of me or my wife. That's the truth.
DANNY AIELLO I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that s...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I remember my wife wanted me to go see 'Contagion,' and I was like, 'Oh my God, why woul...
STEVE CARELL My dentist said to me the other day, I've enough problems in my life, so why should I see your films...
DAVID CRONENBERG My wife and I try not to get into each other's work too much.
PATRICK DEMPSEY My wife and I don't compete. We know each other's preferences, and we work to provide those ...
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night wi...
ANTON CHEKHOV Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night wi...
ANTON CHEKHOV I have a group of friends in my life, and we all give each other something different. I've known...
BROOKE SHIELDS Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress. When I get fed up with one, I spend the n...
ANTON CHEKHOV I'm Jewish and my wife isn't so right now we're literally decorating a Christmas tree wi...
MAX GREENFIELD My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly to...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Every two months, I'll get a trim, and every two years, I'll get a cut. And my night ritual ...
TRACEE ELLIS ROSS I never saw my dad cry. My son saw me cry. My dad never told me he loved me, and consequently I told...
JAMES CAAN I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.&...
EMO PHILIPS I'll never forget one morning I walked in and I had a hell of a bruise - it had been a difficult...
VIDAL SASSOON I am at home with my kids from 6 to 8. If I have a work dinner, I'll schedule to have dinner aft...
DAVE GOLDBERG I love my wife and I know she loves me. We're best friends. We're just lucky to have found e...
HARRY CONNICK, JR. Now I have a new lease on life. I have a new kidney, ... I always say I carry a part of my wife arou...
BILL FREEMAN My psychiatrist said "you're BI Polar. I said "tell us something we don't already know".
STANLEY VICTOR PASKAVICH I always have a football handy at home, and I'll play with it. Sometimes it'll get on my wif...
THIERRY HENRY The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two...
EMO PHILIPS Should trouble come, in the dark of night, be it fire or war or black plague, save my children, then...
BERNARD-PAUL HEROUX I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I'm just disillusioned with the hip-hop sound right now. It's too materialistic. You know, I...
ICE T I'll always stay connected with Apple. I hope that throughout my life I'll sort of have the ...
STEVE JOBS My wife invited me to consider working with Mr. Clive Davis. I said yes, he said yes, here we are,
CARLOS SANTANA Sex, ... Golf excites me. My life. My wife. All the things that I do. Every day, I'm endeavoring on ...
ARNOLD PALMER This is probably why, my life is easier, and my family is very happy, because we never lie each othe...
OLGA KORBUT I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
SAMUEL GOLDWYN I hit with her every day, and she forces me to stay at the top of my game. We push each other furthe...
JULIE PHILLIPS I have a terrible lifestyle. And I don't really see it changing. Maybe in 10 years I'll see ...
BRITTANY HOWARD My friends all regarded me as a man of unsound mind because I held the view that my wife was with me...
ALEX CAMPBELL If I had my way we'd sleep every night all wrapped around each other like hibernating rattlesnakes.
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS I figured if the plane goes down, I'll go with a great genius and will always have my name conne...
MATTHEW SWEET The joys of my life are my granddaughters. They are beautiful. You don't have to believe me. You...
DOM DELUISE My wife had to go on QVC the other night to try to find me something.
DAN SHERMAN My wife had to go on QVC the other night to try to find me something,
DAN SHERMAN Every night, I say goodnight to the kids like Rajesh Khanna, muah muah, two kisses, say goodnight to...
CYRUS BROACHA I have been smashed and put back together so many times nothing works right. Nothing is where it sho...
ELIZABETH SCOTT We have a great group of guys that really sacrifice every night, care about each other, and try to p...
STEPHEN CURRY It's the imperfections that make things beautiful
JENNY HAN My opinion on who's wrong or who's right has nothing to do with the fact that we have to bri...
HARRI HOLKERI I mean, Charlie and I have never had issues pleasuring each other before, but damn, Charlie getting ...
LAYNE HARPER I recorded 'The End of All Things' right before I married my now wife. We had no vows public...
BRENDON URIE My wife's in judge of me, Murdered in cold blood is what I'm gonna be, I ain't been home since Frida...
JOHN ENTWISTLE Night poured itself down my throat. Night was my wine and my meat. Night wed me and bedded me, widow...
CATHERYNNE M. VALENTE Agnes Darling, if such should be we never meet again, while firing my last shot, I will gently breat...
WILD BILL HICKOK Simply being a guest on David Letterman's show has been a highlight of my career. I never dreame...
STEPHEN COLBERT When my son was 3 years old - I'll never forget this - there was this homeless guy walking towar...
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MARY ROACH And then Dick called and said, I'm going to do a special called Dick Van Dyke and the other woma...
MARY TYLER MOORE I had a day off, and I was walking down the street one day, and this Mercedes pulls up alongside me,...
KENNY BAKER I got to see every other dad walk down the aisle with their daughter. We should be grandparents by n...
DAN HUMMER After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone"
LARRY BROWN After a year of therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone.
LARRY BROWN My psychiatrist said I had charisma so at least I'm certified
STANLEY VICTOR PASKAVICH I have a huge breakfast every morning because I never know if I'll have time for lunch, especial...
CONSTANCE JABLONSKI My dad did show me interesting movies at a young age. I remember he showed me 'A Clockwork Orang...
JONATHAN KRISEL Right now every night is the biggest game of my life down the stretch.
ALEXANDRE BURROWS He's on my suit game, ... He thinks they're terrible. There's nothing wrong with my suits. He said h...
DON WRIGHT I know something quite sure. We'll never have peace with this Syrian regime. They'll never g...
WALID JUMBLATT Republicans have come up to me to say, 'Hey listen. My knee hurts. What do you think I should do...
RAUL RUIZ The America night. It was better because I was with my wife. How can you beat that? ... Listening to...
BOB COSTELLO When I told my parents that I was starting my transition, my Dad said, 'Well that makes so much ...
CANDIS CAYNE I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. We're both Leos, we understand each other.
TORI AMOS My wife made me get a cellphone, which I keep in my briefcase. I've never used it.
ALAN C. GREENBERG Being the family's literate one, my wife doesn't watch television much, preferring third-wor...
STEVE ERICKSON We must be more and more to each other, my dear wife.' -Charles Darwin to wife Emma upon loss of dau...
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN I would love to close my eyes and see myself with my girlfriend when we're 99 years old and I ha...
CHRIS MESSINA I will never shave off my beard and moustache. I did once, for charity, but my wife said, 'Good ...
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RODNEY HARRISON It's very hard. You see the score and you want to slack up. But you can't because Cal is on the side...
RODNEY CARNEY I played against him in basketball tournaments back in New York, prep school, anything you can name ...
RODNEY EPPERSON The energy of college football rivals that of a live performance for me. I am an extremely analytica...
RODNEY ATKINS People look at me like I should have been like Malcolm X or Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks. I shou...
RODNEY KING I won some genetic lottery. I always happened to be strangely good at mathematics in my head. I just...
RODNEY BROOKS She took a great angle. We've been stressing that. Early on in the season we weren't taking great an...
RODNEY TAYLOR The great myth that many social scientists want to encourage is that there is an incompatibility bet...
RODNEY STARK Well, he's a fiery guy. He's very competitive. He's high-spirited, he's emotional. ... I guess he's ...
RODNEY HARRISON We have to accept that we are just machines. That's certainly what modern molecular biology says...
RODNEY BROOKS We cannot let these sounds [find] and over-excite a sympathetic resonance.
RODNEY ROCHA The most glaringly obvious fact about the present case is the significant media and public interest ...
RODNEY MELVILLE I couldn't live here. The real estate is too high.
RODNEY CARNEY Do you want me to shut the trial down this afternoon? ... You are not to engage in this kind of inte...
RODNEY MELVILLE We as taxpayers have put in well over $12 to $15 billion of investment in a repository for high-leve...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Let me make it clear: I support health care reform. I just don't support Nancy Pelosi's vers...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I think it's better to wear outfits because everyone has on the same thing.
RODNEY HUGHES I don't see how you can grow as a world without being able to get along with people. So many peo...
RODNEY KING Hands-on experience is the best way to learn about all the interdisciplinary aspects of robotics.
RODNEY BROOKS I saw my hometown burning that day.
RODNEY KING The purpose of the 'Way Forward Group' is simply to do, in a formal way, what the royal family in Br...
RODNEY BARKER The current sleaze scandal is potentially very, very damaging indeed for the government, because the...
RODNEY BARKER If you look at almost any prominent political thinking intellectual these days, they have all moved ...
RODNEY BARKER This is purely an intellectual endeavor.
RODNEY MARTIN 'It's Alright, Ma' would be the prototype for that tune, I freely admit, ... When I was 12 years old...
RODNEY CROWELL I kicked it in full gear on the last lap, and ran it in like 52 seconds.
RODNEY OYLER The only place for women in football is making the tea at half-time.
RODNEY MARSH ...but we know better now, don't we?
RODNEY LOVELL So maybe with the research robots that are out there, people will come up with ways to use them to t...
RODNEY BROOKS The Keystone pipeline is one of those things that's sort of a political driver. And mostly, the ...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Right now my favorite TV show - because it's too close to home - is 'My Name Is Earl.' T...
RODNEY ATKINS Our external experiences are what make us different. Our internal systems are what make us the same.
RODNEY LOVELL Judge yourself fairly. Sentence yourself lightly. Pardon yourself often.
RODNEY LOVELL An infinitesimal illumination is most valuable in the darkest room.
RODNEY LOVELL Sometimes a significant truth is found in a simple sentence.
RODNEY LOVELL