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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!


Rodney Dangerfield

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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for com...
ROBERT KLEIN Now I look like Rodney Dangerfield. He wasn't too bad looking when he was younger.
BILL PETERSON I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.
JIM GAFFIGAN A man and wife should see the best in each other, should work together, should enjoy each other.
GENA SHOWALTER We're the Rodney Dangerfield of the league. Nobody knows who we are.
STEVE TAYLOR My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
LES DAWSON I have a strong marriage, and my wife and I love each other.
MIKE CRAPO She is my mate. And my spy,' I said too quietly. 'And she is the High Lady of the Night Court.'
SARAH J. MAAS My math teacher once said to my class.."There is nothing like day and night to me. I work when I hav...
NANA ADJOA SAAM IRENE NYAME YE AGGREY-FYNN Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happening? W...
STEVE CARELL My wife and I love each other very much.
STEPHEN HAWKING I have sons, and they have never said the word hell in front of me or my wife. That's the truth.
DANNY AIELLO I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that s...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My dentist said to me the other day, I've enough problems in my life, so why should I see your films...
DAVID CRONENBERG Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night wi...
ANTON CHEKHOV Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night wi...
ANTON CHEKHOV Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress. When I get fed up with one, I spend the n...
ANTON CHEKHOV My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly to...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I have sons, and they have never said the word hell in front of me or my wife. That's the truth.
DANNY AIELLO It just blossomed from there, ... He worked with my son with basketball. I ask about his kids and hi...
CHRIS BYRD Now I have a new lease on life. I have a new kidney, ... I always say I carry a part of my wife arou...
BILL FREEMAN My daughter and I help each other. She teaches me as well.
EVA GARCIA The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN Should trouble come, in the dark of night, be it fire or war or black plague, save my children, then...
BERNARD-PAUL HEROUX Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happenin...
STEVE CARELL My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugl...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Sex, ... Golf excites me. My life. My wife. All the things that I do. Every day, I'm endeavoring on ...
ARNOLD PALMER I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
SAMUEL GOLDWYN My friends all regarded me as a man of unsound mind because I held the view that my wife was with me...
ALEX CAMPBELL If I had my way we'd sleep every night all wrapped around each other like hibernating rattlesnakes.
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS My wife had to go on QVC the other night to try to find me something.
DAN SHERMAN My wife had to go on QVC the other night to try to find me something,
DAN SHERMAN I have been smashed and put back together so many times nothing works right. Nothing is where it sho...
ELIZABETH SCOTT I mean, Charlie and I have never had issues pleasuring each other before, but damn, Charlie getting ...
LAYNE HARPER My wife's in judge of me, Murdered in cold blood is what I'm gonna be, I ain't been home since Frida...
JOHN ENTWISTLE I only have two rules for my newly born daughter: she will dress well and never have sex.
JOHN MALKOVICH Night poured itself down my throat. Night was my wine and my meat. Night wed me and bedded me, widow...
CATHERYNNE M. VALENTE I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD We know each other pretty well right now.
GREG SCOTT Well alright then," His eyes glittered. "I get my kicks whipping woman I have sex with and you're ne...
SUSAN ELIZABETH PHILLIPS No one - not a conservative or liberal or whatever - can stand back and 'define' what marria...
KURT EICHENWALD After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone"
LARRY BROWN After a year of therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone.
LARRY BROWN My psychiatrist said I had charisma so at least I'm certified
STANLEY VICTOR PASKAVICH I remember I was unsure about doing 'Shameless.' I'd never acted in anything so commerci...
ANNE-MARIE DUFF Right now every night is the biggest game of my life down the stretch.
ALEXANDRE BURROWS He's been a great encouragement to me. He said to be a great point guard I have to get my assists an...
JASON DAWSON He's on my suit game, ... He thinks they're terrible. There's nothing wrong with my suits. He said h...
DON WRIGHT When I told my parents that I was starting my transition, my Dad said, 'Well that makes so much ...
CANDIS CAYNE The America night. It was better because I was with my wife. How can you beat that? ... Listening to...
BOB COSTELLO When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or yo...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Even if I was well - I must make myself as good a Philosopher as possible. Now I have had opportuni...
JOHN KEATS Anybody who goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined
SAMUEL GOLDWYN They said a lot of things to each other that night, but nothing that involved words.
MICHAEL GRANT My wife has been absolutely outstanding with me, but I obviously have to talk with my wife and we'll...
BRIAN FORD My psychiatrist said "you're BI Polar. I said "tell us something we don't already know".
STANLEY VICTOR PASKAVICH I finally got a chance to talk to my daughter from my previous marriage. I just got married May 3 to...
PETER CRISS My wife and I try not to get into each other's work too much.
PATRICK DEMPSEY My wife invited me to consider working with Mr. Clive Davis. I said yes, he said yes, here we are,
CARLOS SANTANA If I am never to have you again after this night, this moment, you will remain the wife of my soul. ...
PENELOPE WILLIAMSON Me and my wife call it 'Church' now at my house. So I say, 'I'm going to church,' and I close the do...
JAKE SPEED Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!" LEWIS CARROLL I didn't really enjoy reading until I married my wife and we began reading the Bible out loud to...
ROGER MCGUINN The father figure doesn't impress me. I have a very friendly relationship with my father, but th...
XAVIER DOLAN My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I hit with her every day, and she forces me to stay at the top of my game. We push each other furthe...
JULIE PHILLIPS I have a group of friends in my life, and we all give each other something different. I've known...
BROOKE SHIELDS My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming ho...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
JOEY ADAMS Sex in a dance is in the eyes of the beholder. I never thought my dances sexy. I suppose that's beca...
GWEN VERDON My mother, my psychiatrist and an assortment of sedatives eventually convinced me I was delusional.
WAYNE GERARD TROTMAN I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I ha...
RONNIE SHAKES I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
EMO PHILIPS To see my wife getting inspired from my notes and thoughts, going in the direction I wanted, and hav...
LASSE HALLSTROM We have a great group of guys that really sacrifice every night, care about each other, and try to p...
STEPHEN CURRY Every night, I say goodnight to the kids like Rajesh Khanna, muah muah, two kisses, say goodnight to...
CYRUS BROACHA Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, ...
CHRIS ROCK My wife gets pampered pretty well. She's had me trained since she was pregnant, when I started m...
MICHAEL WEATHERLY Not consort, not wife. Feyre is High Lady of the Night Court. My equal in every way; she would wear ...
SARAH J. MAAS Agnes Darling, if such should be we never meet again, while firing my last shot, I will gently breat...
WILD BILL HICKOK I was so proud of Rodney Carney today. It would be so easy for Rodney to play for himself right now....
JOHN CALIPARI I got another chestful of air in, tore loose with it. 'Somebody help me! You people standing around ...
CORNELL WOOLRICH We are not a typical family that goes for a movie on Sunday or has dinner together every night. But ...
ALIA BHATT I have my vision, in which I strive- With values before me, my reasons to thrive- No outward influen...
JONATHAN WILLIAM SIMOS That for me was the big turning point in my artistic life, when my wife and I had our kids. The worl...
GEORGE SAUNDERS The King once said to me, 'Harold, you stand above all other men.' I said, 'No, Sire. I want nothing...
ELIZABETH ALDER I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two...
EMO PHILIPS Now chin up,” Puss said, moving Mark’s chin upwards. “Did you hear me? My plan? Your future wi...
ZECHARIAH BARRETT They are so good to each other, so supportive. I don't know if they've already had sex but they've b...
MAUREEN GRAHAM But I, when I undress me Each night upon my knees Will ask the Lord to bless me, With apple pie and ...
EUGENE FIELD My wife and I lived all alone,
contention was our only bone.
I fought with her, she fought w...
ROBERT CREELEY My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
ANONYMOUS And Pharaoh called Abram and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell...
BIBLE My kids are always in the kitchen with me - I bring them to the bakery and let them decorate cakes, ...
BUDDY VALASTRO I did LSD in the hospital, never on my own. I did it in a controlled environment to try to find thin...
ANDY WILLIAMS You obliterate my central sun and i hate and fear you for it . . . every moment with you is fraug...
CAROL LEE I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN

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RODNEY CARNEY I played against him in basketball tournaments back in New York, prep school, anything you can name ...
RODNEY EPPERSON The energy of college football rivals that of a live performance for me. I am an extremely analytica...
RODNEY ATKINS People look at me like I should have been like Malcolm X or Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks. I shou...
RODNEY KING I won some genetic lottery. I always happened to be strangely good at mathematics in my head. I just...
RODNEY BROOKS She took a great angle. We've been stressing that. Early on in the season we weren't taking great an...
RODNEY TAYLOR The great myth that many social scientists want to encourage is that there is an incompatibility bet...
RODNEY STARK Well, he's a fiery guy. He's very competitive. He's high-spirited, he's emotional. ... I guess he's ...
RODNEY HARRISON We have to accept that we are just machines. That's certainly what modern molecular biology says...
RODNEY BROOKS We cannot let these sounds [find] and over-excite a sympathetic resonance.
RODNEY ROCHA The most glaringly obvious fact about the present case is the significant media and public interest ...
RODNEY MELVILLE I couldn't live here. The real estate is too high.
RODNEY CARNEY Do you want me to shut the trial down this afternoon? ... You are not to engage in this kind of inte...
RODNEY MELVILLE We as taxpayers have put in well over $12 to $15 billion of investment in a repository for high-leve...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Let me make it clear: I support health care reform. I just don't support Nancy Pelosi's vers...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I think it's better to wear outfits because everyone has on the same thing.
RODNEY HUGHES I don't see how you can grow as a world without being able to get along with people. So many peo...
RODNEY KING Hands-on experience is the best way to learn about all the interdisciplinary aspects of robotics.
RODNEY BROOKS I saw my hometown burning that day.
RODNEY KING The purpose of the 'Way Forward Group' is simply to do, in a formal way, what the royal family in Br...
RODNEY BARKER The current sleaze scandal is potentially very, very damaging indeed for the government, because the...
RODNEY BARKER If you look at almost any prominent political thinking intellectual these days, they have all moved ...
RODNEY BARKER This is purely an intellectual endeavor.
RODNEY MARTIN 'It's Alright, Ma' would be the prototype for that tune, I freely admit, ... When I was 12 years old...
RODNEY CROWELL I kicked it in full gear on the last lap, and ran it in like 52 seconds.
RODNEY OYLER The only place for women in football is making the tea at half-time.
RODNEY MARSH ...but we know better now, don't we?
RODNEY LOVELL So maybe with the research robots that are out there, people will come up with ways to use them to t...
RODNEY BROOKS The Keystone pipeline is one of those things that's sort of a political driver. And mostly, the ...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Right now my favorite TV show - because it's too close to home - is 'My Name Is Earl.' T...
RODNEY ATKINS Our external experiences are what make us different. Our internal systems are what make us the same.
RODNEY LOVELL Judge yourself fairly. Sentence yourself lightly. Pardon yourself often.
RODNEY LOVELL An infinitesimal illumination is most valuable in the darkest room.
RODNEY LOVELL Sometimes a significant truth is found in a simple sentence.
RODNEY LOVELL