My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the local rec when I was nine years old, and it just stuck. Years later, when someone asked 'Jasper who?' I just said 'Carrott' - but I have no idea why I came out with that particular word.
Jasper Carrott
Related When you're an author, you're always two people. Jasper the writer is different from Jasper ... JASPER FFORDE When I first started acting I was about nine years old. I had never been to audition in my life and ... ALEXANDER LUDWIG 'Wild Grinders' becoming an animated series, and airing on Nicktoons is another one of my bo... ROB DYRDEK I got stuck on the Peter Pan ride when I was nine years old with my dad at Disney World. We got stuc... JASON FUCHS When I was a kid, I looked up to an Olympian superstar. I won't mention his name but when I aske... RYAN LOCHTE When I was old enough to change my name, I changed it to Mr. T so that the first word out of someone... MR. T My name is Ella; that's who I am at school, hanging out with friends, while I'm doing homewo... LORDE What's the matter with her? [Jasper] asked Griffin. Griffin shook his head. 'Nothing. She's jus... KADY CROSS When I look at 'Napoleon Dynamite's style I'm reminded of how I spoke when I was an eigh... JASON REITMAN I can remember when 'Pulp Fiction' came out. I was, like, 10 years old. But I remember the i... MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD When I was 14 years old, I was with my parents at a restaurant. Some people came in and said, 'W... NORA ARNEZEDER We didn't name Birdie before she was born. When she came out I said, 'I think we gotta go wi... BUSY PHILIPPS I was born 'Harmony,' and it was weird because when I was a little kid, I was picked on so m... HARMONY KORINE Skylar is my first name and Astin is my middle name, and my real last name is Lipstein. When I was 1... SKYLAR ASTIN What's funny is my mom took me to the theater for the first time when I was six years old, and I... DANA DAVIS When I was in first grade, everyone made fun of my name, of course. I think it's kind of a big n... RIVER PHOENIX I remember when I was 6 years old and my brother used to go seek out guys that were 13 to come over ... JUNIOR SEAU I just don't like when there's a rumor that says I'm dating someone who is below my stan... MARILYN MANSON I'm a gay man who came out when I was 10 years old, and there's nothing in my life that I... SAM SMITH Years ago, I thought up the name Queen. It's just a name. But it's regal, obviously, and -so... FREDDIE MERCURY I'm an old guy, so I started out playing 'Pong' with my brothers, and 'Mario Bros.... KEVIN DILLON When I was eight years old, I asked my mum, 'Mum, can I do two jobs?' And she was like, '... CHARLIE ROWE When I came out, I told my stepmother Gladys, and she just said she had known for years and was glad... IAN MCKELLEN When I was 15 years old, I read an article about Ivan Boesky, the well-known takeover trader - turne... KAREN FINERMAN While I played Ranji Trophy for five years, I used to be asked, 'When are you playing for the na... RAHUL DRAVID The stupidest question I get is 'Is Goldberg your real name?' I tell people, 'No, my rea... BILL GOLDBERG I started singing very early. I was six or seven years old, and I was singing along to TV commercial... YUNA I saw 'Fargo,' not when it came out, but probably a few years later, and went through multip... ALLISON TOLMAN A lot of people resent that I've been in someone's life for 50 years. Why shouldn't peop... JERRY LEWIS I know - I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors." Jasper chuckled and E... STEPHENIE MEYER I think Beaufort County could pay lower rates and pay a host fee to Jasper County. Obviously (Beaufo... ANDREW FULGHUM For 'Regulate,' I was at home, and I came up with it. I was listening to Michael McDonald... WARREN G While visiting Costa Rica, I was inspired to hear that someone had donated a playground to a local s... CHERYL HINES Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON Let's head out to the ruins." - Dan Cahill ROLAND SMITH I teased Randy Orton because he started using my finish, the Angle Slam. I said, 'Hey, I don'... KURT ANGLE Ray Harryhausen's 'Sinbad' picture was the first film I remember seeing. I was two years... WARREN SPECTOR I can tell you that you will have your hearts broken more by the people you love than by the people ... MARGARET PETERSON HADDIX Before I was 12 years old, I had no interest in music; I was just into football. Then I heard Don Mc... JAKE BUGG I've always been a big PlayStation fan. Even when the Xbox first came out, I stuck with the Play... REGGIE BUSH When it was suggested that I write a memoir I said, 'I'm not old enough. I'm not disting... JULIA CAMERON Almost everything else I have done during my adult years has been affected to some extent by my name... JOHN EISENHOWER When I came up with the character of Wicket for 'Return Of The Jedi', which was my first fil... WARWICK DAVIS If I ever uttered one word that I said in 'Kick-Ass', I would be grounded for years! I'd... CHLOE GRACE MORETZ When I was in my teenage years, I went to sign up as a cadet entrant to the police force but was at ... IAN ANDERSON I did 'Bridge to Terabithia' when I was around 6 years old, but for my first movie, I was 5. BAILEE MADISON When Bob Wilson left the BBC for ITV, I got the 'Football Focus' job, and it went from there... GARY LINEKER It wasn't really until the 10th or 11th grade when I started to play well, and football took the... CALVIN JOHNSON I was the first actress who branded her own line at a time when everyone just lent their name to a p... JACLYN SMITH I've got no problem with anybody's religion. But if you go claiming the Earth is only 10,000... BILL NYE I wrote to the local news guy when I was 12 years old. I said, 'What do I need to do to be you o... DAVID MUIR I think fans are just obsessed with the 'Twilight' saga and then within it they might have p... KELLAN LUTZ It looks ancient," - Amy Cahill JUDE WATSON I won't name any names, but I've done a couple of shows where once the pilot got picked up, ... NATALIE ZEA One match that really sticks out for me, there's a bunch of matches with all the guys that I wor... BROCK LESNAR The more successful I got, the more scared I got. My name was all over Google. I had a Wikipedia pag... JOSE ANTONIO VARGAS Now, 'the fiscal cliff' is a name that the media came up with, but some of us have been sayi... MARSHA BLACKBURN When I was about nine years old, I announced to my mother that I was going to cook Thanksgiving dinn... NATHAN MYHRVOLD We should have fresh legs for the sectional and that will be good. I was pleased that we came so clo... IAN BATTLES When I moved to Los Angeles, I was straight out of grad school, and I didn't have a single credi... DARBY STANCHFIELD An unforgettable experience happened on December 15, 1996 when I won the Supermodel contest while st... BIPASHA BASU I had been acting since I was seven years old, but I had a combination of things happen at about the... SETH GREEN I think I got an Instamatic camera when I was 8 years old, and ever since then, I've liked to re... BILL PAXTON When I was 14 years old, I had the opportunity to meet Buddy Holly. I asked him how he got that big,... ROBBIE ROBERTSON What I've come to learn is that (the Jasper port) would be a private (venture), ... If that's the ca... MARK SANFORD Actually, my real name is not Mona. It's Jasmeet. I changed it to Mona when I came to Mumbai. MONA SINGH When I was in seventh grade, I asked my parents for a mobile recording system for Christmas, and I g... HUNTER HAYES My mother saw a movie when she was 14 years old. I forget the name of the movie, but one of the lead... LARK VOORHIES I graduated college in 1992 and didn't reach a sizable audience with my column for nine solid ye... BILL SIMMONS I never understood why when you died, you didn't just vanish, everything could just keep going o... ANDY WARHOL I had to act in a school play when I was about ten years old. I really didn't want to do it. But... KRISTEN STEWART I'm not sure how young kids get to the point where they're memorizing and knowing songs, but... BRANDON FLOWERS Just to know that someone who's 15 years old is listening to my music and the work that I've... WARREN G Dad's Jewish and Irish, Mom's German and Scotch. I couldn't say I was anything. My last ... ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. I love horror movies! I've loved horror movies since I was about eight years old, not that an 8-... ALEX BRECKENRIDGE 'Unforgiven' is probably an example of a script that I liked right away but thought, 'Th... CLINT EASTWOOD Someone once asked, 'What's your best pickup line?' I said, 'My best pickup line is,... HUGH HEFNER I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I... DEMETRI MARTIN I thought Jasper competed very well. And I thought we did OK. With sectional starting (today), we ne... RICK MILLER I don't know. When Jasper watches this tape they may figure throwing the ball is the way to go. They... MIKE HIDDE The man who buried Malcolm X - my Muslim imam, priest - he, after I got beat up by police... came to... AMIRI BARAKA It SMELLS ancient," - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON Palm trees were fanned by a warm, light breeze, and they rolled down their windows to smell the sea. JUDE WATSON When my wife and I met, I couldn't talk to her - and my defense mechanism is sarcasm. I belittle... MIKE VOGEL My first name is a boy's name. It's Tanner. I've always gone by my middle name but, yeah... ELLE KING My original name was Juaquin, and my cousin couldn't pronounce my name right. So he'd just b... WAKA FLOCKA FLAME I would have been about seven years old when the formative years of my competitive football educatio... GARY NEVILLE When I landed the first 900 at the XGames, it was just - it was a personal achievement. It was somet... TONY HAWK By the time I was successful with covers of 'Vogue' and 'Harper's Bazaar' and ... ISABELLA ROSSELLINI I got my Equity Card from Berkeley Rep when I was 22 years old. I was cast in David Saar's '... COLMAN DOMINGO When I started on the 'Burnett' show, I was just out of high school, and when we went off th... VICKI LAWRENCE My first agent dissuaded me from calling myself 'Cumberbatch.' I had six months of not very ... BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH Marilyn Monroe wasn't even her real name, Charles Manson isn't his real name, and now, I'... MARILYN MANSON I did a movie with Christopher Reeve when I first came to L.A. called 'Switching Channels.' ... GEORGE NEWBERN When I was 6 years old, I was in a rock band that was horrible called 'Dead End.' The name k... AARON CARTER I hadn't watched any Hitchcock movies when I made 'Tom at the Farm,' except for 'Ver... XAVIER DOLAN I have been involved with 'Spring Awakening' for six years. I am 20 now - I just turned 20 i... LEA MICHELE Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the li... JASPER CARROTT I started to develop my comedy skills when I became resident singer at the Boggery Folk Club in Soli... JASPER CARROTT I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfactio... JASPER CARROTT
More Jasper Carrott
Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the li... JASPER CARROTT I started to develop my comedy skills when I became resident singer at the Boggery Folk Club in Soli... JASPER CARROTT I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfactio... JASPER CARROTT If I were to ask you who the first million-pound show winner was on British TV, you'd probably g... JASPER CARROTT There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chas... JASPER CARROTT When the amalgam is delivered to your dentist in a special protective box, he has to take extreme ca... JASPER CARROTT After leaving school, I got a job in a department store not dissimilar to Grace Bros in 'Are You... JASPER CARROTT When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but t... JASPER CARROTT My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That... JASPER CARROTT Touring has been a major part of my career. I've done a lot of huge shows, including a 13-night ... JASPER CARROTT When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jok... JASPER CARROTT There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your d... JASPER CARROTT I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute M... JASPER CARROTT I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newsp... JASPER CARROTT Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles. JASPER CARROTT The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested inte... JASPER CARROTT If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of d... JASPER FFORDE Two minds with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one. JASPER FFORDE He was, after all, the ultimate rebel -- it takes a lot of cojones to stand up to Zeus. JASPER FFORDE Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anythi... JASPER FFORDE I was raised in South Carolina; I wasn't aware of any art in South Carolina. There was a minor m... JASPER JOHNS Class clowns become actors. JASPER FFORDE There was very little art in my childhood. I was raised in South Carolina; I wasn't aware of any... JASPER JOHNS She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderl... JASPER FFORDE If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no g... JASPER FFORDE I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acc... JASPER FFORDE Tangling with the Goliath Corporation generally left you in one of two places: inside a wooden box w... JASPER FFORDE At first I had some idea that the absence of color made the work more physical. Early on I was very ... JASPER JOHNS Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so fort... JASPER FFORDE [To survive has required tenacity. Koreans are reported even to have murdered children and mixed the... JASPER BECKER My experience of life is that it's very fragmented; certain kinds of things happen, and in anoth... JASPER JOHNS Intention involves such a small fragment of our consciousness and of our mind and of our life. JASPER JOHNS Have you ever wondered how nostalgia isn"t what it used to be? JASPER FFORDE Yes, and imagine a world where there were no hypothetical situations. JASPER FFORDE I have no ideas about what the paintings imply about the world. I don't think that's a paint... JASPER JOHNS Everyone is of course free to interpret the work in his own way. I think seeing a picture is one thi... JASPER JOHNS The only logical thing I can think of is that I knew there were such things as artists, and I knew t... JASPER JOHNS На самом деле я подумывал написать самоучитель для фан... JASPER FFORDE She was the sort of parent you would want to have living close by, but only on the grounds that she ... JASPER FFORDE We have it on good authority that they might disguise it as a double entendre in a bedroom farce and... JASPER FFORDE Well, that's it." I said after we had waited for another five minutes and found ourselves still in a... JASPER FFORDE Sometimes living in the BookWorld is like living in Legoland. JASPER FFORDE extraordinary; I could almost see the Cambrian Mountains JASPER FFORDE You are the best, most loving, supportive family anyone could ever have," I said through my sobs. "I... JASPER FFORDE Keep people reading books, Mum; it helps to reinforce and strengthen the indefinable moments that an... JASPER FFORDE Thursday, you mean everything to me. Not just because you're cute, smart, funny and have a de... JASPER FFORDE Strive for the Long Now JASPER FFORDE If it takes us 10 years to get into the shit, it will take us 20 to get out. And the jour... JASPER FFORDE If you even think about asking Harry Potter for an autograph, your day ends right now. JASPER FFORDE Without unscrambled eggs, there was no time travel, no more depredation of the Now, and we could loo... JASPER FFORDE There are a lot of idiots in this country, and they deserve representation as much as the next man. JASPER FFORDE Reading, I had learned, was as creative a process as writing, sometimes more so. When we read of the... JASPER FFORDE Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captur... JASPER FFORDE It's simple. If you go to see 'Saturday Night Fever' expecting it to be good, it's a corker. However... JASPER FFORDE Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly pa... JASPER FFORDE Reality TV was to me the worst form of entertainment--the modern equivalent of paying sixpence to wa... JASPER FFORDE Dead. Never been that before. Not even once. JASPER FFORDE Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought... JASPER FFORDE I decided that if my work contained what I could identify as a likeness to other work, I would remov... JASPER JOHNS Instead we were filling the newspaper with bland, harmless stories, and if there was anything sensit... JASPER BECKER So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It'... JASPER FFORDE I work very much on the principle that anything created by mankind has mischief and error hardwired ... JASPER FFORDE Individual words, sounds, squiggles on paper with no meanings other than those with which our imagin... JASPER FFORDE Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day y... JASPER FFORDE The internet is a perfect example of a beautiful mess. JASPER HARTSUIJKER There is no point in expending good money on the pursuit of an engine that can power aircraft withou... JASPER FFORDE If you even *need* a government, added Stig, "you are a life-form flawed beyond redemption. JASPER FFORDE [from the television show,"Evade the Question Time"] At the end of the first round, I wil... JASPER FFORDE Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you wor... JASPER FFORDE Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex i... JASPER FFORDE Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books. JASPER FFORDE It's kind of like the old Barry Sanders Rule. The first person to him wouldn't take a shot at him. F... ED JASPER Am i on some distant battle field you say? No, I am but in my own mind and dreams replaying the batt... JASPER WILKERSON For myself, I favored the abstract. I collected not just obsolete terms and words, but ideas. JASPER FFORDE I'll tell you what love is" I said, "It is blind devotion, unquestioning self humiliation, utter sub... JASPER FFORDE Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time. JASPER FFORDE Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence. JASPER FFORDE I tend to like things that already exist. JASPER JOHNS Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had t... JASPER FFORDE After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the re... JASPER FFORDE I'm not sure my books would translate into movies very easily. So rather than have someone do a ... JASPER FFORDE I'm not of the opinion that the next logical step for a book is for it to be made into a film. JASPER FFORDE Every book should have a romance. JASPER FFORDE There is a contract between the reader and the writer. The readers give me their hard-earned cash, a... JASPER FFORDE There is a certain degree of 'steampunkishness' that creeps into my books. JASPER FFORDE When you're an author, you're always two people. Jasper the writer is different from Jasper ... JASPER FFORDE I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody ass... JASPER FFORDE When I was about 10 or 11, I realised that people made movies; until then, I had thought they just h... JASPER FFORDE If you give children the freedom to do very little, quite a lot will do very little. JASPER FFORDE The fun one can have writing books about books is limitless, to be honest. JASPER FFORDE Agents and publishers only want one thing - good writing. JASPER FFORDE It took me ten years and seven books to bag an agent - it took me that long to start writing good. JASPER FFORDE I just write books, and I do it without any notion of what I should do or shouldn't do. JASPER FFORDE I hope that in my books there's an undertone of politics, basic tenets of how we should live. JASPER FFORDE Speak to any editor and ask them what they turned down, and they'll have long lists of books. JASPER FFORDE I started writing because I wanted to write scripts, but I wasn't very good at it. Then I starte... JASPER FFORDE Our notions of self-determination are, on the whole, something of a myth. We are governed almost exc... JASPER FFORDE In the creative industries, there are few things more exciting than a zinger - a thought, idea, line... JASPER FFORDE My mind wanders terribly. I'm not wholly annoyed by my daydreaming as it has been immense use to... JASPER FFORDE People who read my books have an open mind when it comes to new, bizarre, interesting and exciting i... JASPER FFORDE Perhaps fantasy offers imaginative escapism more than other genres. JASPER FFORDE When you're playing every snap, the problem is you can't give 110 percent on every play. ED JASPER I spent last year with [former Eagles defensive end Derrick] Burgess in Oakland, and he misses this ... ED JASPER We need people. We got money. We don't have people. ED JASPER [Gosh can one guy, I mean, only one, change a team so completely? Evidently he can. Yeah, I could qu... ED JASPER That's one of the main reasons he deserves this (Pro Bowl). Teams are having to change their blockin... ED JASPER Because it's easy to play defense like this. It's harder when the other team has 10 minutes more of ... ED JASPER He's a backside runner. If he catches you running to the ball, he'll make you pay for it. Him making... ED JASPER I bull-rushed the guy. He tackled me. The ref threw the flag, late. So I'm thinking he's calling hol... ED JASPER It's a shame the way that game turned out because Tommy deserves more recognition than he's going to... ED JASPER I didn't set out to discover a truth. I was actually sent to the Outer Fringes to conduct a chair ce... JASPER FFORDE The sky was like ebony and the only illumination was the harsh white light of the central streetlamp... JASPER FFORDE I have a very varied taste in music. Everything from rap to classical to Latino to Rat Pack to jazz. JASPER FFORDE …Negligible Senescence… JASPER FFORDE Another one of your quippy japes? JASPER FFORDE Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn't collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs. JASPER FFORDE As one gets older one sees many more paths that could be taken. Artists sense within their own work ... JASPER JOHNS My Gullah grandfather is bringing a bag of dust to a vampire war. I feel better. ELLE JASPER Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse. JASPER FFORDE The government was to raise the duty on cheese to 83 percent, an unpopular move that would doubtless... JASPER FFORDE To do a drawing for a painting most often means doing something very sketchy and schematic and then ... JASPER JOHNS Mine,” he whispered against my mouth. He kissed me again. “You are mine .” In the ... ELLE JASPER If Nelson keeps working at things and keeps believing in himself, he can go a long way. JASPER WILLIAMS That's the only negative about this. These kids have been working hard all year for a win like this.... JASPER WILLIAMS This was a big win for us. We stepped up and played with a lot of energy tonight. We made some turno... JASPER WILLIAMS The biggest thing is that we out rebounded them. We did a pretty good job on the boards. We pressure... JASPER WILLIAMS I was just listening to my coach. He told me to quit thinking about my shot and just shoot it n let ... JASPER WILLIAMS We didn't execute down the stretch. We didn't rebound during key possessions and that cost us the ga... JASPER WILLIAMS This is definitely a step for Yahoo, and a step for the industry. JASPER MALCOLMSON Industry-best prices will actually show up in Yahoo search results. We have created a search engine ... JASPER MALCOLMSON I had a good year, but those guys had good years, too. It could have gone to any of us. I know it wa... JASPER JOHNSON We're trying to do something that no other team at the school has done. We have a nice run going. We... JASPER JOHNSON I have no reason to feel bitter or think about anything in the past. This is the best place I can be... JASPER JOHNSON I felt comfortable around the guys. I felt it would be a good place for me. ... I respect Coach Rive... JASPER JOHNSON The competition is better than I thought it'd be. And I'm glad of it. I just like to play, and when ... JASPER JOHNSON Ideas either come or they don't come. JASPER JOHNS There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time. The first is that time is highly vola... JASPER FFORDE We have a lot of good players returning from last year and our recruiting class is excellent. I will... JASPER EDWARDS I really admire Rickey Bustle because he kept us up when everybody's head was down. He came in and s... JASPER EDWARDS I wasn't there for spring drills last year, and they had me working out at wide receiver. During the... JASPER EDWARDS At football practices the coaches and the players are really into it. The coaches are very hands-on ... JASPER EDWARDS It's part of a pattern at the Post where they're gradually been getting rid of all the people who wr... JASPER BECKER It's been successfully cheating its way with its nuclear program for something like 20 years, so I t... JASPER BECKER [Details of that extravagance are drawn from Kim's former lackeys.] For all the immense privileges e... JASPER BECKER To each our own Hamlet. JASPER FFORDE There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time! JASPER FFORDE The best lies to tell," said Jane, "are the ones people want to believe. JASPER FFORDE You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?' 'Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I w... JASPER FFORDE The best plans are always the simplest. JASPER FFORDE After all, color in itself has no color — it's simply a construction of the mind: a sensation, lik... JASPER FFORDE But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mi... JASPER FFORDE There is no problem on earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea. JASPER FFORDE Her areas of expertise are bar codes, book titles and maps - she has an original Parker Brothers map... JASPER FFORDE 2.5.03.02.005: Generally speaking, if you fiddle with something, it will break. Don't. JASPER FFORDE Unless the hole is MEANT to be square,' I said with a sudden erudition that surprised me, 'in which ... JASPER FFORDE Because there's someone else here in East Carmin. Someone hopelessly unsuitable. It's all a really b... JASPER FFORDE 2.3.06.02.087: Unnecessary sharpening of pencils constitutes a waste of public resources, and will b... JASPER FFORDE He set fire to some potatoes, then cooked some undelivered post in the embers." - Dad "Did he n... JASPER FFORDE Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse. JASPER FFORDE Acceptable rules of conduct were suspended when it came to the spoon shortage. The deficit had gotte... JASPER FFORDE I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years," she announced with some small s... JASPER FFORDE Love isn't sensible, Red. I think that's the point. JASPER FFORDE A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity. JASPER FFORDE I don't need you to agree with me," she said quietly." I'll go away happy with a little bit of doubt... JASPER FFORDE Defiance through compliance. JASPER FFORDE The youthful stationmaster wore a Blue Spot on his uniform and remonstrated with the driver that the... JASPER FFORDE Were you listening to a word I said ' 'I kind of switched off when you drew breath. JASPER FFORDE If you enjoyed laughing in the face of death, you might like to have a crack at High Saffron. One hu... JASPER FFORDE You many have noticed I have a temper ... but when I calmed down, I realized that this world, blight... JASPER FFORDE Almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. JASPER FFORDE You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.' She pointed to the shelf opposit... JASPER FFORDE the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe JASPER FFORDE The safest course was actually the simplest-do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the... JASPER FFORDE The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary require... JASPER FFORDE I also read about Heathcliff's unexpected three-year career in Hollywood under the name Buck Stallio... JASPER FFORDE Who do readers expect to see when they pick up this book? Who has won the Most Troubled Romantic Lea... JASPER FFORDE I was on HPD--Heathcliff Protection Duty--in Wuthering Heights for two years, and believe me, the Pr... JASPER FFORDE I assumed that everything would lead to complete failure, but I decided that didn't matter – that ... JASPER JOHNS Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled , that's ... JASPER FFORDE Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous. JASPER FFORDE If you expect me to believe that a lawyer wrote A Midsummer Night's Dream , I must be dafter t... JASPER FFORDE They turned their attention to the wardrobe that held several Armani suits, all of them individually... JASPER FFORDE Father liked word games. He was fourteen times world Scrabble champion. When he died, we buried him ... JASPER FFORDE Businessman, philanthropist, large egg. JASPER FFORDE So you could value your own life," replied the Titan. "Before that you were under the gods' thumbs, ... JASPER FFORDE She opened the door within two seconds of his pressing the doorbell, letting out a stream of cats th... JASPER FFORDE This must have been how it all began with Chymes,” sighed Jack. “A small omission on one ca... JASPER FFORDE ALBINOS DEMAND ACTION ON MOVIE SLUR The albino community demanded action yesterday to stop their unf... JASPER FFORDE If you drive at precisely twenty-nine miles per hour, the rumble strips play ‘Jerusalem’ on the ... JASPER FFORDE Think of this: If it weren’t for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no w... JASPER FFORDE I loved him, officer. More than any woman ever loved an egg. JASPER FFORDE You speak baby gibberish?' asked Jack. 'Fluently. The adult-education center ran a course, and ... JASPER FFORDE Humpty had always sat on walls, it was his way. JASPER FFORDE How many people want to read about three disreputable pigs and a dopey wolf with a disposition towar... JASPER FFORDE Mr. Pewter led them through to a library, filled with thousands of antiquarian books. 'Imp... JASPER FFORDE Do I have to talk to insane people?" "You're a librarian now. I'm afraid it's mandatory. JASPER FFORDE The front room of his house was what I called 'untidy chic'. Prefects weren't subject to the same Ru... JASPER FFORDE So you're going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now? JASPER FFORDE The music map, the Vera Project all of these are steps in the right direction in making the state... MEGAN JASPER There was so much happening, but there was no support for it in the city no feeling of pride or a... MEGAN JASPER