When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but this insults my intelligence.

My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the local rec when I was nine years old, and it just stuck. Years later, when someone asked 'Jasper who?' I just said 'Carrott' - but I have no idea why I came out with that particular word.

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

After leaving school, I got a job in a department store not dissimilar to Grace Bros in 'Are You Being Served?'

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

If I were to ask you who the first million-pound show winner was on British TV, you'd probably go for Judith Keppel. She was, indeed, the first 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' contestant to win £1 million, but the first one on TV was actually Clare Barwick, who won £1 million on Chris Evans' show 'TFI Friday.'