Never have more children than you have car windows.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.