Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear