I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.