One Christmas my father kept our tree up till March. He hated to see it go. I loved that.

Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.

No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show.

I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don't know when to come down.

I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.

I have a Keurig coffee maker, which is really kind of a luxury. It was given to me by an ex. I realized when I'm feeling sentimental, I'll gently, tenderly press the button. Then when I remember he dumped me, I punch it.