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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.


Groucho Marx

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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX But still, he reflected, I ought to wash my pajamas more often. Life is so uncertain: you never know...
HARUKI MURAKAMI I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, an...
BOB NEWHART I just really love being in my pajamas.
RACHEL BILSON I'm always in my pajamas, unless I know for a fact that people are taking my picture.
BETHENNY FRANKEL Oh no! I should do something....but I am already in my pajamas. [Farnsworth]
FUTURAMA In an ideal world, I'd be able to do my shows in my pajamas. Luckily I've got one of the bes...
ANNE ROBINSON When I have no appointments, I spend the day in pajamas and go to the dog park in pajamas. I'm v...
ALEXANDRA DADDARIO Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I went to an all-boys Catholic school, and not only were we not allowed to wear pajamas, we had to w...
JOHN C. REILLY In the meantime, I had to get dressed and go to work, because going to work in my pajamas was appare...
DARYNDA JONES I would celebrate the Holy Communion service in my pajamas if I thought it would help someone to fin...
NICHOLAS STACEY I'm happy to be at home with the kids, in my flannel pajamas; that's a treat.
PATSY KENSIT Life is so uncertain: you never know what could happen. One way to deal with that is to keep your pa...
HARUKI MURAKAMI Depending upon my activities, I sleep between five and ten hours every night. I sleep in an extra-wi...
MARILYN MONROE I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, put on my prayers, turned off the bed, jumped...
UNKNOWN One of my favorite traditions is that my sisters and I, we all wear the same pajamas. I've even ...
BAILEE MADISON I have a whole army of pajamas.
HEIDI KLUM You can do it at 3 a.m. in your pajamas.
ANDREW BRANDT I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The first thing I do is brush my teeth - we like to start the morning with fresh breath - and put on...
TAMARA TUNIE My studio's always in my house. I want to wake up and be like, 'You know I'm gonna make ...
BENNY BLANCO My mind struggled to formulate a coherent though, any thought. I opened my mouth. "Your pajamas have...
ILONA ANDREWS I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD If I can, I love staying in pajamas all day and watching movies and eating good food.
BECKY G The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Everyone likes the convenience of taking the classes at home in their pajamas.
MARGE MAXWELL It's raining spiders, seriously. Maybe that's a bad sign.
MY MORNING JACKET At Dawn/Tennessee Fire Demos
MY MORNING JACKET You go up there and it's just this amazing place on top of a mountain,
MY MORNING JACKET When I was in fourth grade, a novelist came to talk to my English class. She told us that being an a...
J. COURTNEY SULLIVAN Sometimes hanging out in pajamas with a good book sounded like a phenomenal idea.
CHLOE NEILL Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER I know my Republican friends were glad to see my wife feeding an elephant in India. She gave him sug...
JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX I'd love to get pajamas. Good, nice and warm flannel ones.
CHARLIZE THERON I don't know how many lions and leopards I've shot. I've shot two elephants, which was e...
WILBUR SMITH Some days you live in pajamas, and your hair kind-of has that Albert Einstein look.
A.D. POSEY The sky was the color of Edgar Allan Poe's pajamas.
TOM ROBBINS I have pictures of me sitting in the racquetball court in my pajamas with an acoustic guitar, and Wo...
EDDIE VAN HALEN I'd always heard stories about how Harpo Marx was the most talkative of the Marx brothers. I fou...
HARMONY KORINE He blocked my shot but nobody got the ball. I got it, looked, no one stepped up and I hit the shot.
EDWARD CASTRO A live action movie is work, and an animated movie is you showing up in your pajamas once every thre...
RYAN REYNOLDS I'd love to get pajamas. Good, nice and warm flannel ones.
CHARLIZE THERON Hope is the gay skylarking pajamas we wear over yesterday's bruises
DE CASSERES And that is how Goodwin problems were always fixed. Fix them on the surface but don't go to the root...
CECELIA AHERN I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX When I was in middle school, some of my so-called friends found a catalogue ad I did for Superman pa...
JENSEN ACKLES When I was in middle school, some of my so-called friends found a catalog ad I did for Superman paja...
JENSEN ACKLES I gotta say, I was really feeling the robe, but there's something about a girl in cartoon pajamas th...
STACEY O'NEALE The sky was the color of Edgar Allan Poe's pajamas.
TOM ROBBINS Sometimes when it's too hot, I just sleep in my underwear. If it's colder, I sleep in pajamas. I don...
GISELE BUNDCHEN Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX I didn't know what part of my body he hit. But in the morning - my shoulder.
JAVIER VALENTIN My favorite holiday memory was sitting at home all day in my pajamas during winter break for school ...
BECKY G Once a guy starts wearing silk pajamas it's hard to get up early
EDDIE ARCARO My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
STEPHEN WRIGHT In my opinion, he who invalidates is himself invalid.
MOSHE KAHLON I don't know in his office how can he judge my competence. He's got some divine ability?
ZACARIAS MOUSSAOUI The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN And truly, I'll devise some honest slanders To stain my cousin with. One doth not know How mu...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE You don't know that and I don't know that!
MICHELE COSTELLO The whiskey’s power released his repressed memories so fast that his words raced to keep up with t...
PASCAL MARCO His shoulder might be hurting like a son of a bitch and he was more than slightly sloshed but he rec...
VICKIE MCKEEHAN I used to sleep in the T-shirt I wore during the day and whatever ratty old gym shorts I could find ...
DEREK BLASBERG I love the fabric of Genetic jeans. There's a softness. I always travel in them. It feels like y...
LIBERTY ROSS I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I've always had rock star envy. Unfortunately, writing is a pedestrian, tame occupation done whi...
KATE CHRISTENSEN A true philosopher is like an elephant; he never puts the second foot down until the first one is so...
FONTENELLE My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
STEVEN WRIGHT Every Christmas Eve, the elves will come and give us a new pair of pajamas.
SABRINA CARPENTER And who decided which people wore the striped pajamas and which people wore the uniforms?
JOHN BOYNE The smartest billionaires I know never finished high school. I got my degree and my doctorate on the...
TOMMY CHONG What exactly was the difference? He wondered to himself. And who decided which people wore the strip...
JOHN BOYNE Women aren't embarrassed when they buy men's pajamas, but a man buying a nightgown acts as though he...
JIMMY CANNON Throughout my journey in basketball, I always have someone to talk to in my father. I know how hard ...
JOAKIM NOAH Chilling out on the bed in your hotel room watching television, while wearing your own pajamas, is s...
LAURA MARANO He'd come in the door after work and pick up toys. He'd help get the girls into their pajamas at nig...
BETTY POTEAT I got up from my table and he sat down at my table, ... It's shocking, because he sat at my table an...
JESSICA ALBA For example, after developing a sound similar to an elephant trumpeting, I wrote the song Elephant T...
ADRIAN BELEW One of the main things I remember about that game is that I got my shot blocked - twice. And how muc...
RANDY FOYE I'm so lazy as far as liking to get up, go to the office in my pajamas, get dressed about noon. ...
BARBARA PARK I love a lounging pajama."
You also love a marabou mule slipper and a satin robe with a train.<...
STACEY BALLIS I watched how fast he skated and how hard he shot that puck. I wish I had an extra No. 7 in a red je...
WAYNE GRETZKY I don't know how I got involved in 'Celebrity Wife Swap.' It came from my agent Hugh. He...
GARY BUSEY When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Never dress older than you are! The five wardrobe items you must have are a nice pair of well-fittin...
ELIZABETH JAGGER My four years as governor, I never met with a lobbyist once, never. Not one lobbyist got in my offic...
JESSE VENTURA He gives an account of one time he was shot in the leg and in the side and he ends up holding down h...
EMILY MIMNAUGH And that is how the problems were always fixed. Fix them on the surface but don't go to the root, al...
CECELIA AHERN The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX My teammates have confidence in me. I spent Christmas break working on my shot, getting the shot off...
BRENT BENSON I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and chan...
ELLIOTT GOULD The elephant ear was great. I figured I'd bring (my girlfriend) down as a surprise and get an elepha...
CHRIS STEPHENS You know I love you," I whispered in his ear.
"I know," he whispered back, turned, I pulled my ...
KRISTEN ASHLEY

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX