When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Groucho Marx
Related
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting next to you sayi...
KATE ANGELL "A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying....
DR. SEUSS She's saying: 'I will be a friend to you but I will not be an uncritical friend.
CONSTANZE STELZENMUELLER A good friend will help you up when you fall. A best friend will laugh and try to trip you again. TAMORA PIERCE I will miss flying the Tomcat very much. Saying good bye to the Tomcat will be like saying good bye ...
CMDR. RICHARD LABRANCHE If Stephen King was a killer, he will be the best killer ever existed, check out his novels, check o...
DEYTH BANGER What do I look for in a friend?
You!
ANTHONY T.HINCKS I hate it when people say they’re trying to be your friend. You shouldn’t have to try to be some...
EMILY WING SMITH Life's irony;It is only when there is a quarrel,you can actually differentiate between a bad friend ...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Well, when I was a kid, I grew up in San Diego next to the ocean. The ocean was my friend - my best ...
ROBERT BALLARD A friend is someone who will always be there for you, in good and hard times.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA A good friend will always stab you in the front.
OSCAR WILDE Would you want you as a friend?
PETER STROPLE A coin is examined, and only after careful deliberation, given to a beggar, whereas a child is flung...
PETER WESSEL ZAPFFE Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rock...
ALEXANDRE DUMAS if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI I mean really if you can't count on your best friend to go to jail with you, what good are they?
JANICE HARDY You know when I told you the joke about how a friend will help you move, but a real friend will help...
BRAD THOR Yes, their reasons are overwhelming. They are as big as hope and as deep as revolt. They are the rea...
ALBERT CAMUS …A city deprived of everything, devoid of light and devoid of heat, starved, and still not crushed...
ALBERT CAMUS Words always take on the color of the deeds or sacrifices they evoke.
ALBERT CAMUS A good friend will help you to discover the potentials you haven't uncovered. A bad friend will help...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead,you can look beside you and your BEST FR...
OMAR ASHRAF EZZELDIN The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarm...
BRIAN P. CLEARY Kindness is universal. Sometimes being kind allows others to see the goodness in humanity through yo...
GERMANY KENT When you have a good friend that really cares for you and tries to stick in there with you, you trea...
MARILYN MONROE A Friend is someone who will help you move; A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a body....
UNKNOWN Be careful with whom you share your secrets. Don’t forget your best friend has a best friend, and ...
VIKRANT PARSAI A good friend will fit you like ring to finger.
VENEZUELAN PROVERB A best friend should be a true friend and a true friend should be the best friend.
IMMEE LIRKIE always know that your sister or your brother will be your best friend forever they love you,care abo...
HAGAR IBRAHIM When you give, you will be blessed. When you give, it will be given back to you.
CRAIG GROESCHEL When having a smackerel of something with a friend, don't eat so much that you get stuck in the door...
, INSPIRED BY A. A. MILNE When having a smackerel of something with a friend, don't eat so much that you get stuck in the door...
WINNIE THE POOH I believe in order to make a friend, you have to be a friend.
WEILI DAI And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known...
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY A loyal friend is when your having the worst day they make it the best day.
When you don't make funn...
MEHREEN MUSHARAFA It was great to be out there with a good friend.
LEBRON JAMES A friend who visits you when you are suffering is your best friend.
VIKRANT PARSAI A friend will walk in front of you during good times and behind you in your hardships...but a real f...
ABHINAV SACHITH Be your own best friend before you can be somebody else's friend.
SAIDA HOSHI This land on which so many centuries have left their mark is merely an obligatory retreat for you, w...
ALBERT CAMUS And despite the clamors and the violence, we tried to preserve in our hearts the memory of a happy s...
ALBERT CAMUS And for five years it was no longer possible to enjoy the call of birds in the cool of the evening. ...
ALBERT CAMUS You never believed in the meaning of this world, and you therefore deduced the idea that everything ...
ALBERT CAMUS The hopeless hope is what sustains us in difficult moments; our comrades will be more patient than t...
ALBERT CAMUS …Having been, not only mutilated in our country, wounded in our very flesh, but also divested of o...
ALBERT CAMUS For all those landscapes, those flowers and those plowed fields, the oldest of lands, show you every...
ALBERT CAMUS In raining bullets on those silent faces, already turned away from this world, you think you are dis...
ALBERT CAMUS When it hurts to look back,m and you're too scared to look ahead, just look beside you and your best...
ANONYMOUS Being your best friend does not mean I will stop you from crashing and burning. No, you'll never lea...
TORI FANBERG A friend is the only person you will let into the house when you are Turning Out Drawers.
PAM BROWN Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.
MARK TWAIN I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN I'm not of the American ilk that, you know, your lover needs to be your best friend and know you...
PADMA LAKSHMI A good friend keeps your secrets for you. A best friend helps you keep your own secrets.
LAUREN OLIVER May good luck be your friend in whatever you do and may trouble be always a stranger to you.
IRISH BLESSINGS Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rock...
ALEXANDRE DUMAS A good litmus test is that you should be comfortable with your significant other being present when ...
OLIVIA WILDE A kinsman, a friend, or whom you intreate, take not to serve you,
if you will be served neately.
GEORGE HERBERT I haven't experienced that game yet, but Todd Sutton is a good friend of mine. I recruited a lot of ...
STEVE WEEMER A enemy will assault you, but a true friend will re-position themselves all in order to protect you.
SUSIE L HILL Quiero que [mi hijo] conozca el secreto de la felicidad, algo tan sencillo que da la impresión de q...
JAMES RHODES He was trying to be a friend to them. There were no victims in this crime.
RANDY WILSON I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into y...
TAHEREH MAFI Or will you think, my friend, your bus'ness done
When, of a hundred thorns, you pull out one.
ROBERT POLLOK I used to do bell ringing in Benenden church. It was really good fun, actually. My best friend's...
JO BRAND When you hold a child in your arms, or hug your mother, or your husband, or your friend, if you brea...
THICH NHAT HANH To be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you don't be.
GOLDA MEIR Happiness is like peeing your pants...
Everyone can see it,But only you can feel the warmth.
A FRIEND The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Be careful who you take advice from. People love when you fall for deception. Only a true friend wil...
TROY GATHERS Graystripe, whatever you decide to do, I will always be your friend.
ERIN HUNTER A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A frie...
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A frie...
BERNARD MELTZER What is a friend? I will tell you... it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
FRANK CRANE What is a friend? I will tell you it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
FRANK CRANE What is a friend? I will tell you… it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
FRANK CRANE What is a friend? I will tell you
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
FRANK CRANE A popular, independent and developed Iraq will be the best friend of the Iranian nation,
MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD it's nice to have a good friend , but it's great to be that good friend.
IIGMIIR He was, I suppose, my best friend, which is a less pathetic way of saying he was my only friend.
RANSOM RIGGS True regret is knowing you missed your only opportunity to be simply a good friend to someone that w...
SHANNON L. ALDER Be who you want to be not what others think you should be.
BILAL SAIF A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
UNKNOWN 'Graves,' he said, 'I want to be your friend.' I started to protest we already were friends, but he ...
EARL GRAVES A mirror can do something better for you which maybe your best friend can’t. Cry and it will cry w...
VIKRANT PARSAI A good imagination may be the best friend of loners.
KIRSTEN SMITH Be kind. We never know what people are going through. Give grace and mercy because one day your circ...
GERMANY KENT I will come to you, my friend, when I no longer need you. Then you will find a palace, not an almsho...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU I still had this idea that there was a whole world of marvelous golden people somewhere, as far ahea...
RICHARD YATES He that ceaseth to be a friend never was a good one.
H. G. BOHN A best friend shares the good times and helps you out by listening during the bad ones.
MARIE MUHAMMAD If a bad person was the only one that supported you in your days of tribulation,then that bad person...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) The difference between your friend and your best friend is that your friend asks, ‘Are you are ok?...
SAVANIA CHINA I am that friend who comes back for you in a fiery building, but i am also that friend who will set ...
SHANE J VAN DER VELDE Be a friend to thyself, and others will be so too.
THOMAS FULLER
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX