PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

PHOENIX, n. The classical prototype of the modern "small hot bird."

VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

Interpreter, n.: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.

ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.