People just can't go on with an awards show like nothing happened.

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people willthink you're drunk.

People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.

In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union.

In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union.

Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second.