Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"

It’s a secret, religious, weird, ceremonial rite of passage for girls that women know. Hopscotch, it was bizarre for boys, ‘cause they never played it, and as a boy, I was behind walls, going, “What- what happened? What did they do? What do they do here?” And they had a track laid out with numbers, mystic numbers- 1, 5… 7, 8, you know… A bit of a broken doll there, some girl keeping lookout with a skipping rope…

Two languages in one brain? No one can live at that speed!

you know, god should have grabbed a scribers arm and made him write "but before that they were a bit crap so... fuck 'em"

There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.