FastSaying

Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.


Dave Barry

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The road to salvation is filled with many false dark turn-offs, if you take those roads they will le...
GARY F EVANS... Stairs to climb are difficult it takes time and effort and going down is easies job... what do I mea...
DEYTH BANGER All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom w...
JOAN DIDION We can never make proper goodbyes. It was your last ride in a Checker cab and you had no warning. It...
COLSON WHITEHEAD Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y...
THEHEALTHFOODGURU I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix.
DEYTH BANGER Now is the time when you see people which you know... but they start ignoring you... and how do you ...
DEYTH BANGER I believe that life is a journey towards God, and that no one has the right to insist that you go a ...
PAT BUCKLEY What is it that makes you so angry, bothers you so deeply, that you're compelled to act?
CRAIG GROESCHEL If you had a friend you refused to talk to, eventually you couldn't keep calling that person a frien...
CRAIG GROESCHEL A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
JOSH BILLINGS blackmagic on a person http://www.astrodost.com/how-to-do-black-magic-on-a-person blackmagic on a pe...
ASTRODOST He draws up plays on the spur of the moment that we've never run. (If) he sees a person is going ove...
MATT KIEFER Off this fucking predictable soap opera, this will happen now, then that, then that and you say that...
DEYTH BANGER Be a good guide, tell me what you see, are sure is that?
Please try to describe the picture as ...
DEYTH BANGER Life is weird and wonderful like that, is it not.
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS What Fucks me... is that we both are the same... we all walk on the same path... but everything is a...
DEYTH BANGER When you reach out to God humbly, you'll find that He's already reaching out to you.
CRAIG GROESCHEL I think that people who get to a certain position, and then try to ferociously defend it or build on...
VIGGO MORTENSEN The most important thing I learnt on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die...
KURT VONNEGUT I think that people who get to a certain position, and then try to ferociously defend it or build on...
VIGGO MORTENSEN The problem with a lot of Indian boys and girls is that they do not approach their partner, they are...
APURVA GAGLANI Things that break - be they bones, hearts, or promises - can be put back together but will never rea...
JODI PICOULT He did indicate that he's an older person, that he's learned more, that he thinks he's a wiser perso...
EDWARD KENNEDY Love is just such a crucial, wonderful thing, and if you are lucky enough to find somebody who genui...
RANDALL KENNEDY The problem when you are a strong, capable, self-confident person, is that more often than not, peop...
C. JOYBELL C. You release the pain of the past and press on. It's a new day, and God is doing a new thing. He want...
CRAIG GROESCHEL It isn't a fit nickname. It is, in a way. He's an easy guy. He goes with the flow. But he's a very p...
THOMAS BJORN You know, I think there are certain words like 'illegitimate' that should not be used to des...
AIMEE MULLINS There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But ...
GREG BEHRENDT Speed Reader: Nothing more than… "Getting knowledge in a fast way".

(Note: What's that?...
DEYTH BANGER The two men had a conversation. Brief, cryptic, to the point. As though they had exchanged numbers a...
ARUNDHATI ROY I've never tried to measure myself on any scale. A person is more multifaceted than the label th...
DMITRY MEDVEDEV I don't wish to imply that there aren't good things about you or that you're not an extraordinary pe...
GEORGE TSARGAS "NOW THAT IT'S OVER" Apologize and do something to correct if you are at mistake. On the other hand, you find that the ot...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA I think something that's very relevant in real life and that they don't portray enough on TV...
SAMUEL LARSEN Certain kinds of intimacy emerge on a phone call that might never occur if you were sitting right ne...
ERROL MORRIS When you are true to yourself, you will find yourself more easily able to pursue the things that mat...
ELIZABETH ALRAUNE But here I should imagine the most terrible part of the whole punishment is, not the bodily pain at ...
FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY If you are in Christ then you must understand that God created you for a certain goal and your succe...
SUNDAY ADELAJA I realized that day that blessings come in a variety of shapes, colors, and sizes.
CRAIG GROESCHEL Confidence, knowing for certain that the person making the call has your safety foremost in their mi...
PAUL GLEASON We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefo...
J. EDWARD DAY A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up....
GREG BEHRENDT There is hardly a man on earth who will take advice unless he is certain that it is positively bad.
EDWARD DAHLBERG You meet lots of people in your life, and sometimes you think that people are a certain way, and the...
WILL ARNETT For a person to build a rich and rewarding life for himself, there are certain qualities and bits of...
EARL NIGHTINGALE Be yourself despite what others think. When a person tries to dictate your thoughts, your opinions, ...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA COUNT ON ONLY 1 PERSON ..THE PERSON WHO YOU KNOW 100% WILL BE THERE WITH YOU WHEN YOU DRAW YOUR LAST...
STUART J. SCESNEY I think that if you are a resolute, unswerving atheist, you have that sense that you are conscious o...
GEOFF DYER I think he has a chance to be really good. I was probably more impressed in person than I was on tap...
RAY GIACOLETTI The fact that a person loves one particular person is what is important; the life lesson, whether yo...
LORETTA DEVINE Spirituality is something that makes you who you are on and off the field. It's something you tr...
BRYCE HARPER Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! ...
OLIVER MARKUS MALLOY That is very cool that Benjamin Franklin walked the streets here. I read about Franklin in a library...
ASHLEY JOHNSON God will not reveal certain things to you except you are on the move, obeying and acting on the litt...
SUNDAY ADELAJA I think one of the highest compliments you can give a person is that when you are talking to him, yo...
DAVID LEVITHAN It is certain that the inanimate objects by which you are surrounded have a direct action on the bra...
JULES VERNE Here is one fact 1 minute to finish the class, 1 day to die, one day behind that fact, one day in th...
DEYTH BANGER This is my fundamental teaching: that there is no division between this and that. That is contained ...
OSHO The things of substance are the things that we need to focus on, but they are the things that seem t...
ELIZABETH ALRAUNE If we do not understand something we pretend it does not exist .Pretending that something does not e...
GARY F EVANS... People who pretend to be your friend lead you up a garden path by saying everything that you want to...
GARY F EVANS... That's SHIT!

How do you remove it?
You just put it inside the trash, easy as that.
DEYTH BANGER You can't be that or that or that... but you can try to behave as that...

So, what next!?...
DEYTH BANGER When there's light shining on a tree, that tree takes on different meaning. If there's no li...
MATISYAHU I'm asking God to bless you with something that unsettles you, disturbs you, and upsets you.
CRAIG GROESCHEL People change with time. There are things that happened to a person in his childhood and years later...
GUNTER GRASS A person who has never tasted sweetness and you give him a little sugar, he will thank you and he wi...
OSMAN AHSAN SHEIKH Being present is being connected to All Things.
S. KELLEY HARRELL, M. DIV. A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
JOSH BILLINGS A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself
JOSH BILLINGS No more quickly can a person rob you of your joy and peace than when that individual succeeds at mak...
C. JOYBELL C. You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich pe...
JEAN KERR You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich pers...
JEAN KERR A true friend is a person that is never embarrased with the type of words he uses with you.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) The more accurate you are about how others perceive you, the better you fare socially. Think of a pe...
MARK LEARY I think that Benjamin Franklin felt very strongly in foreign policy in this world, that you needed t...
WALTER ISAACSON Suppose a person who has never tasted sweetness and you give him a little sugar, that person would b...
OSMAN AHSAN SHEIKH I was asked by a concerned church-goer: "Is your relationship with God okay?" and I answered "My rel...
C. JOYBELL C. Young ladies have a remarkable way of letting you know that they think you a "quiz" without actually...
CHARLOTTE BRONTë When you come in to court as a plaintiff or as a defendant, it is terribly important that you look u...
MICHAEL BLOOMBERG When we look at events, we look at them in two ways. There are certain track rental opportunities th...
GILLIAN ZUCKER To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firm...
ELIZABETH GILBERT God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that...
BILL WATTERSON It's fascinating that people, there's so many people now who will make judgments based on wh...
CLARENCE THOMAS Names sell newspapers, there's no doubt about it. If you know that on a certain day, a certain colum...
ANDREW GOWERS I think he was getting so much pressure . . . he was trying to rush his throws a little bit. He was ...
ERIC MOULDS Love meant jumping off a cliff and trusting that a certain person would be there to catch you at the...
JODI PICOULT It's hard when you look a certain way. I look All-American, sweet, girl-next-door, so naturally thos...
MELISSA JOAN HART A poor person is one who always thinks that he is being judged by whatever he does.
VIKRANT PARSAI When you put on a uniform, there are certain inhibitions that you accept.
DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER When you put on a uniform, there are certain inhibitions that you accept.
DWIGHT DAVID EISENHOWER I think the thing to remember, though, the next time you hear someone who is really certain that he ...
JON CARROLL Most of all, we remain focused on our Rock that never moves.
CRAIG GROESCHEL Is God satisfied with you or could it be that God looks at you and fails to see a man, only a bunch ...
SUNDAY ADELAJA You may look and act a certain way on the outside but what really counts is how you feel on the insi...
ALICIA FIGGS A beautiful ball skirt with a blouse with full sleeves can be beautiful, but for a cape, you need a ...
CINDY WEBER CLEARY When you're talking with a person at this level of the government, at the very highest level, I ...
LEE H. HAMILTON Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not...
WAYNE DYER

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Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
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DAVE BARRY Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b...
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DAVE BARRY A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
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DAVE BARRY Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p...
DAVE BARRY The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
DAVE BARRY My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
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DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
DAVE BARRY The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas...
DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h...
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DAVE BARRY Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
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DAVE BARRY Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza...
DAVE BARRY Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won...
DAVE BARRY Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
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DAVE BARRY Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
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DAVE BARRY People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
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DAVE BARRY We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ...
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DAVE BARRY To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi...
DAVE BARRY Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho...
DAVE BARRY Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
DAVE BARRY Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by...
DAVE BARRY Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
DAVE BARRY Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his ...
DAVE BARRY The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
DAVE BARRY Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
DAVE BARRY I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a goo...
DAVE BARRY Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while ...
DAVE BARRY I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news p...
DAVE BARRY There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you...
DAVE BARRY Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
DAVE BARRY Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att...
DAVE BARRY I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
DAVE BARRY Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
DAVE BARRY If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
DAVE BARRY We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just abo...
DAVE BARRY Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
DAVE BARRY I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven...
DAVE BARRY Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n...
DAVE BARRY If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ...
DAVE BARRY A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to est...
DAVE BARRY As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background...
DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - yo...
DAVE BARRY Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is read...
DAVE BARRY Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D...
DAVE BARRY Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the...
DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such ...
DAVE BARRY The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since th...
DAVE BARRY While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int...
DAVE BARRY And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto...
DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for b...
DAVE BARRY Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting techniq...
DAVE BARRY The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed...
DAVE BARRY Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janu...
DAVE BARRY The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and att...
DAVE BARRY Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always...
DAVE BARRY What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if pe...
DAVE BARRY I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at...
DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo...
DAVE BARRY Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions...
DAVE BARRY Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ev...
DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a c...
DAVE BARRY For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 37...
DAVE BARRY All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of fallin...
DAVE BARRY Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the b...
DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of relig...
DAVE BARRY The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have...
DAVE BARRY The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
DAVE BARRY I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't ca...
DAVE BARRY I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inco...
DAVE BARRY Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck throug...
DAVE BARRY If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and f...
DAVE BARRY This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as bei...
DAVE BARRY More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers...
DAVE BARRY USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'
DAVE BARRY UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 ton...
DAVE BARRY The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Den...
DAVE BARRY 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
DAVE BARRY ''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.
DAVE BARRY Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetol...
DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person...
DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withsta...
DAVE BARRY Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark
DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a...
DAVE BARRY When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him...
DAVE BARRY We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty...
DAVE BARRY All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever.
DAVE BARRY We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days s...
DAVE BARRY If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
DAVE BARRY And Ted Koppel comes walking down the aisle. We'd met a few times, so we said hello.
DAVE BARRY Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
DAVE BARRY There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
DAVE BARRY 1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left b...
DAVE BARRY Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you...
DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to look for water,” said...
DAVE BARRY Seriously? You won’t help me?”
“Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
DAVE BARRY If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ...
DAVE BARRY If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ...
DAVE BARRY Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably...
DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo...
DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
DAVE BARRY A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
DAVE BARRY Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
DAVE BARRY I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
DAVE BARRY It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
DAVE BARRY one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
DAVE BARRY drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
DAVE BARRY I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
DAVE BARRY I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
DAVE BARRY The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DAVE BARRY We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
DAVE BARRY Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
DAVE BARRY Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
DAVE BARRY I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
DAVE BARRY Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
DAVE BARRY Ridley is a tea drinker.
DAVE BARRY It's a concept I've often thought of.
DAVE BARRY You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
DAVE BARRY I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
DAVE BARRY We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
DAVE BARRY What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
DAVE BARRY I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
DAVE BARRY Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
DAVE BARRY Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
DAVE BARRY Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
DAVE BARRY I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
DAVE BARRY There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
DAVE BARRY The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
DAVE BARRY It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
DAVE BARRY