Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.