Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
Groucho Marx
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Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN This is the greatest honor I've ever had and the hardest thing I've ever done.
GREG JOHNSTON Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD But I mean, again, Zappa's far more musical than the Bonzos ever were.
NEIL INNES Shes been a key for this team,
EVA LANG It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I ...
CHARLES DICKENS It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I ...
CHARLES DICKENS It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I ...
CHARLES DICKENS This is probably the coolest thing I've ever done.
JAKE PEAVY For any Galesburg swim team, this is by far the best they've ever done.
JOHN WILLY It is a far, far better thing that I do, than anything I have ever done; it is a far, far, better re...
CHARLES DICKENS The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX The market's deteriorated far worse than I expected, ... Everything is reacting much more violently ...
ANN HURLEY I was brought up in the north of England, which is probably no rougher than anywhere else, but I rem...
SARAH HALL Remember that "Help us grow this grass" is a far more effective sign than "Keep off the grass".
NORMAN VINCENT PEALE Error is far more common than fraud which probably comprises 1 percent or a tenth of a percent of th...
WALTER GILBERT I've got to say, I've probably seen a lot more of the Three Stooges than of the Marx Brother...
SPIKE JONZE The first Indy was definitely the one I remember. It's my favorite race I've ever done. It...
DANICA PATRICK Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana pr...
WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY, JR. Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana pr...
WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY JR. This world needs much more kissing and far less fighting.
WAYNE GERARD TROTMAN We knew what we were up against, but we were going to go down fighting. Hopefully people back home r...
JOHN ATKINSON It is large. It's more than we've probably ever had.
KARL RASCHKES Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX Y'all have done more for VIP than the city ever has.
WILLIAM BOWMAN I'm more nervous about doing this than anything I've ever done before, because it is so prestigious.
MICHAEL ASPEL I see a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from this abyss. I see the lives for which I la...
CHARLES DICKENS This is probably one of the more unusual set of circumstances for this time of year that I can remem...
DON MADDEN Not that I'm some rocker, but what I do in a show is probably far more aggressive than what Dean...
MICHAEL BUBLE DNA is like a computer program but far, far more advanced than any software ever created.
BILL GATES Life every man holds dear; but the dear man holds honor far more precious than life
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE The human capacity for burden is like bamboo- far more flexible than you'd ever believe at first gla...
JODI PICOULT The human capacity for burden is like bamboo - far more flexible than you'd ever believe at first gl...
JODI PICOULT The human capacity for burden is like bamboo—far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first ...
JODI PICOULT I've probably done more than a thousand interviews, and I can't remember what people asked m...
ADAM MANSBACH I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH This is by far the best thing I've ever done as far as school goes. This is everything I wanted to g...
JACOB JENKINS Organized Christianity has probably done more to retard the ideals that were its founder's than any ...
RICHARD LE GALLIENNE It's the nature of the disaster. This is far beyond anything we've ever done in this country. It's b...
BILL LOKEY Ed is probably the most serious with the infamous high ankle sprain, which is like the turf toe, mor...
BRIAN BILLICK Life every man holds dear; but the dear man holds honor far more precious dear than life.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Shes been the biggest nightmare for me. Ive lost to her the most than any other player.
MEGHANN SHAUGHNESSY Heroes show us courage, honor, integrity and strength. Now more than ever, we need heroes.
JOHN PATRICK HICKEY You are far more powerful than you ever dreamed.
PETER MCWILLIAMS 'Terra Nova,' more than anything I've ever done in my life, is for everybody.
ALEX GRAVES Probably it is impossible for humor to be ever a revolutionary weapon. Candide can do little more th...
LIONEL TRILLING Blackbeard is probably the most infamous pirate who ever lived. He's one of those characters for...
IAN MCSHANE When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE This is something we will remember for ever.
MARK RICHARDS This year, we were able to give more than we ever have.
LANITA RICHMOND There's always going to be fighting. People of honor have to be a part of that, because if they aren...
MERCEDES LACKEY We were just throwing hard, high heat. We were trying to get them to chase it, which they were. Cour...
DAVE BREON Each one of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done.
SHERYL SANDBERG It's probably cliche to say this, but in my experience, people are far more alike than they are ...
ALEXANDRA FULLER Organized Christianity has probably done more to retard the ideals that were its founder's than ...
RICHARD LE GALLIENNE I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX ] have actually done better than ever, but far fewer of them do any business at all.
MARK URMAN I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE We have changed our training a little this year; our routines have gotten longer. To get prepared fo...
MILES AVERY I want Chinese history to remember me as Carnegie is remembered. I want Chinese people to remember m...
CHEN GUANGBIAO A fashionable wife! Oh! Never will I be anything so heartless! I have pictured for myself a far high...
JANE WELSH CARLYLE A lot of it is down to chance, down to what films are ready. But this year there were more U.S. prem...
LEE MARSHALL Small businesses are very important customers for banks today because there are more of them than ev...
FRITZ ELMENDORF If i'm louder would you see me?
NIALL HORAN Nothing is ever done beautifully which is done in rivalship: or nobly, which is done in pride.
JOHN RUSKIN Nothing is ever done beautifully which is done in rivalship: or nobly, which is done in pride.
JOHN RUSKIN Don't look for more honor than your learning merits.
JEWISH PROVERB Don't look for more honor than your learning merits.
JEWISH PROVERB I think investors have their eyes onto...the host of economic data for next week, which will probabl...
ALEX LI We're moving more than a grade level a year. That's way more impressive than anything we've done so ...
MIKE DAVIS This is probably the best you've ever done. You've improvised and are a joy to watch frame after fra...
JAY MANUEL And once you get instantaneous communication with everybody, you have economic activity that's f...
MARC ANDREESSEN This is the greatest honor I could ever receive,
JIM CALHOUN And the parking areas were just a muddy mess and we probably would have done more damage than we wou...
DAVID TODD This country has far more problems than it deserves and far more solutions than it applies.
RALPH NADER If you talk to him for a couple hours, you'll probably know more about them than I ever did.
EVERETT RICE Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed possible
DALE CARNEGIE I felt lost. Far more lost than I had ever been before.
STEPHANIE SKEEM My parents were really loving, open people to be around. I don't remember them ever telling me t...
RACHEL KELLER She doesn't remember the crash, which is probably a good thing.
FRED ZIMNY This was a great honor for me. I didn't care if they scored 12, I was going to keep fighting.
JASON MUZZATTI Integrity is more significant than income. Honor is more opulent than fame. Self worth is more afflu...
SRAVANI SAHA NAKHRO There is one in the world who feels for him who is sad a keener pang than he feels for himself; ther...
WASHINGTON IRVING We're raising more money than we've ever done before and we're recruiting more candidates.
BILL BURTON Remember to honor the hand which reached out for you when you needed it, by being that hand to someo...
GREG DUTILLY I probably have had to articulate this for our staff more than for almost any other show we've ever ...
TONY TACCONE Our inheritance of well founded, slowly conceived codes of honor, morals and
manners, the passionate...
WINSTON CHURCHILL I probably remember more about 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' than Dick Van Dyke does.
NEIL FLYNN It is far easier for me to teach twenty what were right to be done, than be one of the twenty to fol...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed.
DALE CARNEGIE Man has always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much......
DOUGLAS ADAMS This is by far probably the biggest thing that has ever happened to me in my life, other than gettin...
DARRELL WALTRIP
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX