She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

Love is my favorite drug; I overdose on it regularly.

Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.

Women make the world go round; men turn it upside down.

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.