FastSaying

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.



Dark Jar Tin Zoo

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More Dark Jar Tin Zoo

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her hu...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my m...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I coul...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or nee...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.
DARK JAR TIN ZOO Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two litt...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brou...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I ask...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bott...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO I make love like never, only less often.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of t...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a ...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to w...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual co...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to c...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?

DARK JAR TIN ZOO In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I j...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!

DARK JAR TIN ZOO Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phon...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze t...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked lik...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your parents, and mailed you ...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. ...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplic...
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