She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.
JOAN RIVERS Believe me what I did came from my heart. She asked me for help and I gave it to her. She wanted her...
JOE SPARICO I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD Nan Gorman was born in Memphis, Tenn., on St. Patrick's Day. She moved to Hazard in 1929 when he...
ELAINE CHAO I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN She's saying that she was raped by her father, he threatened her, he threatened her and her mother i...
MIKE WRIGHT A Western woman is not her brother's or her father's property. She's just herself. She c...
AYAAN HIRSI ALI She is also a young woman who falls in love, has her heart broken, worries about her looks, doesn't ...
JUDITH REGAN When you have a beanpole body, everything looks cute. Like Alexa Chung. I like her style, but she...
KIRSTEN DUNST When my first daughter was born, my husband held her in his hands and said, 'My God, she's s...
AYELET WALDMAN I told her I wanted a plastic surgeon to sew me up, and I wanted her to freeze my ovaries, so I coul...
FRAN DRESCHER The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX In our culture, good looks are so important, and today he'd head straight for a plastic surgeon,...
DOUGLAS HODGE The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN We were poor. But my mom never accepted that. She worked hard to become a residential contractor - g...
FRANK OCEAN Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me ...
JEFF FOXWORTHY Her history and her quest for stardom will make a compelling television series: she is a musician, a...
JUDITH REGAN I learned from her that every woman is worried
about her looks, no matter how beautiful she is.
RICHARD FEYNMAN There's no denying that Christy Turlington looks good in everything, but it's especially gre...
AMANDA HEARST The queen and I always got on well, still do; I uphold everything Her Majesty represents, has given ...
SARAH FERGUSON He's just like my father that way-my father just adored my mother and let her do whatever she wa...
JUNE CARTER CASH And Mary J. Blige, she's got all these fur coats and hats and stuff. She's good; I like her.
BRYAN FERRY My youngest daughter sings. She's going to be very good. She's graduated from Music School a...
BILLY ECKSTINE I say, 'Yeah, Taylor Swift.' I think she is a smart, beautiful girl. I think she's makin...
DOLLY PARTON I often joke that 100 years from now I hope people are saying, 'Dang, she looks good for her age...
DOLLY PARTON When a man looks across a street, sees a pretty girl, and waves at her, that's not a rendezvous,...
WALLY SCHIRRA When a father puts in long hours at work, he's praised for being dedicated and ambitious. But wh...
MICHELLE OBAMA I'm a Honey G fan. She can spit some vibes on one of my songs; she's got rhymes for days! Sh...
JAMES ARTHUR He got really attached to her, she sat on his knee and he sang along to her.
ANNA FRIEL She got a lot of open looks today. We didn't do a very good job of getting out on her.
KAROLINA PIOTRKIEWICZ To be able to help a 13-year-old kid from the Bronx follow her dreams just by letting her know she...
ALICIA KEYS Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW Reese Witherspoon. She's sophisticated enough that you just like her. You like her and she's...
DON BLUTH She had some money left over from her allowance that I made her give her father for gas, driving his...
MARIA PARTON She looks like a million dollars but she only knows a hundred and twenty words and she's only got tw...
ERIC LINKLATER Elizabeth did a great job for us, and she got a lot of support from her defense behind her.
BRANDY FRAZIER We don't leave home without my daughter's doll La-La. She looks like a bit of a rag, but Ind...
GEORGINA CHAPMAN He had had to be father and mother to her, and he had taken to his tasks with determination, seeking...
PAULA BRACKSTON Condoleezza Rice, the national security adviser, is right there... she's in town because her fat...
AL MICHAELS Hillary Clinton bothers me a lot. I realized the other day that her thoughts sound a lot like Karl M...
DICK ARMEY Sally Field looks amazing in general, never mind her age! She's a phenomenally talented actress ...
ALISON SWEENEY If a woman hasn't got a tiny streak of harlot in her, she's a dry stick as a rule.
D. H. LAWRENCE I like to think that Junie B. looks at the world - and this isn't a negative comment on her - fr...
BARBARA PARK Beyonce is one of my inspirations. Her attitude, her style, her voice... she's perfect.
CHARICE PEMPENGCO I think a young woman's relationship with her father is really important.
CANDACE BUSHNELL The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Katie Price is no exception. She, too, is - in a distinctive way - a philosopher. Partially, Katie P...
ALAIN DE BOTTON I'll tell you, Liz Cheney is going to be a very good candidate. I worked with her during the Bus...
MARK MCKINNON If a girl comes to me first for a prom or a bar mitzvah and she likes the way she looks and her boyf...
BETSEY JOHNSON She looks like she combs her hair with an egg beater.
HEDDA HOPPER She has deceived her father, and may thee.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Whom she refuses, she treats still / With so much sweet behaviour, / That her refusal, through her s...
WILLIAM CONGREVE My dad is my dad, but he's not there physically anymore. But she lets me call her 'Dad' ...
KENDALL JENNER The thing about Precious, she's so far from a Hollywood character. She's so honest and real,...
GABOUREY SIDIBE Oh, my wife is a wonderful cook. She comes from a food-loving Italian family - her father owned a pi...
BUDDY VALASTRO He told her the defendant needs attention from a mental health professional. He said she needs to ta...
ROBERT CLIFFORD Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Her brothers kept wrestling her at the house. She kept asking her dad if she could wrestle and he wo...
KATHY MCCAULEY My younger sister looks to me to provide her with advice on how to do her job better - though she...
W. BRUCE CAMERON Eko brushed a tear from her eye, and Immo jeered at her, but father held up a hand. "Never mock a te...
ORSON SCOTT CARD But she loved her dad; she was a daddy's girl. She said her father had changed the life insurance an...
MALINDA GONZALES Dorothy Hamill was my big idol as a kid. She'd won the Olympics in 1976. She was America's s...
KRISTI YAMAGUCHI I have a girl crush on Rachel Bilson. She's so cute, I just want to put her in my pocket. I love...
ALEXANDRA CHANDO My father has acted in over 700 films. My mother acted in one film, 'Kismat with Mithun Chakrabo...
SHRADDHA KAPOOR I met Gemma, my wife, when she was 12. She had a schoolgirl crush on me and her dad had arranged for...
GARY NUMAN You should see how she looks at her daddy.
MICHELLE WILLIAMS She looks really tired. She had really black circles under her eyes and her hair was kind of messed ...
ELLEN KNICKMEYER He sneered at his father. “He’ll live. I’m going after her.”
“What?” His sister sto...
G.A. AIKEN She thought in would be awkward for both to be brought into conscious collision; and fancied that, f...
ELIZABETH GASKELL The day that I saw Whoopi Goldberg on television, I cried so hard because I kept looking at my daddy...
LESLIE JONES When a mother quarrels with a daughter, she has a double dose of unhappiness hers from the conflict,...
TERRI APTER When I get an idea for a book, something appeals to me, it's usually a character. I'll see a...
ELMORE LEONARD A girl's got to do what she's got to do to make somebody pay her a compliment. If that means...
CAT DEELEY Look at Rihanna. She's so sexy. She comes from Planet Sexy. I worship her. I really, really do.
CAMILA CABELLO I got into one of the schools I applied to because of the essay I wrote about Holly Hunter's cha...
TAVI GEVINSON I don't date my girlfriend because she's a model. I date her because I love her.
ADAM LEVINE I don't look at her like she's a bad girl. She just misunderstood sometime, she's a litt...
AIDA TURTURRO Amy pulls away and looks into my face. Her pale skin is blotchy red, her eyes are veined and shadowe...
BETH REVIS The King's son, who was told that a great princess, whom nobody knew, was come, ran out to recei...
CHARLES PERRAULT That little Miley Cyrus... she's like a little Elvis. The kids love her because she's Hannah...
DOLLY PARTON My mother is like a character who escaped from the set of a Fellini film. She's a whole performi...
ARUNDHATI ROY She missed him. And she was scared, deep down, because she felt him pulling away from her, and even ...
HARRIET EVANS I always wanted to be a surgeon, because I had a lot of admiration for my father, who is also a surg...
MAGDI YACOUB She was holding, her sister was on top of her, and she got the impact from being thrown and that's w...
BARBARA GREEN Do you think she is?" Her voice trembled. Her heart throbbed as she waited for him to answer. "You t...
MARISSA MEYER He could be her father. Hello?
KELSEY ALBRIGHT It is the lies he's telling her - as he has been, Nassun understands suddenly, her whole life - that...
N.K. JEMISIN Although it was her who took his breath away, the father away she was, the more he suffocated.
SAMUEL H. LOWE She looks as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth
JONATHAN SWIFT My mom choreographed the top Olympians; she's really the queen of ice in her world, so I kind of...
HAYLEY KIYOKO i'm sorry she never got her miracle.
she did get her miracle, Landon, her miracle was you.
NICHOLAS SPARKS A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back ag...
ENID BAGNOLD It's always a great day going to work with Ginnifer Goodwin; she's a fantastic actress and I...
JOSH DALLAS She started really slow, and her opponent is a very hard hitter who dominated the 'T' for a while. O...
GAIL RAMSAY I love Viola Davis. I call her 'Queen.' I think she's phenomenal. She's so raw and s...
ANNA DIOP My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.
LES DAWSON
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX