She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.


Groucho Marx

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.
JOAN RIVERS
Believe me what I did came from my heart. She asked me for help and I gave it to her. She wanted her...
JOE SPARICO
I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD
Nan Gorman was born in Memphis, Tenn., on St. Patrick's Day. She moved to Hazard in 1929 when he...
ELAINE CHAO
I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN
She's saying that she was raped by her father, he threatened her, he threatened her and her mother i...
MIKE WRIGHT
A Western woman is not her brother's or her father's property. She's just herself. She c...
AYAAN HIRSI ALI
She is also a young woman who falls in love, has her heart broken, worries about her looks, doesn't ...
JUDITH REGAN
When you have a beanpole body, everything looks cute. Like Alexa Chung. I like her style, but she...
KIRSTEN DUNST
When my first daughter was born, my husband held her in his hands and said, 'My God, she's s...
AYELET WALDMAN
I told her I wanted a plastic surgeon to sew me up, and I wanted her to freeze my ovaries, so I coul...
FRAN DRESCHER
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX
In our culture, good looks are so important, and today he'd head straight for a plastic surgeon,...
DOUGLAS HODGE
The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
We were poor. But my mom never accepted that. She worked hard to become a residential contractor - g...
FRANK OCEAN
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me ...
JEFF FOXWORTHY
Her history and her quest for stardom will make a compelling television series: she is a musician, a...
JUDITH REGAN
I learned from her that every woman is worried
about her looks, no matter how beautiful she is.
RICHARD FEYNMAN
There's no denying that Christy Turlington looks good in everything, but it's especially gre...
AMANDA HEARST
The queen and I always got on well, still do; I uphold everything Her Majesty represents, has given ...
SARAH FERGUSON
He's just like my father that way-my father just adored my mother and let her do whatever she wa...
JUNE CARTER CASH
And Mary J. Blige, she's got all these fur coats and hats and stuff. She's good; I like her.
BRYAN FERRY
My youngest daughter sings. She's going to be very good. She's graduated from Music School a...
BILLY ECKSTINE
I say, 'Yeah, Taylor Swift.' I think she is a smart, beautiful girl. I think she's makin...
DOLLY PARTON
I often joke that 100 years from now I hope people are saying, 'Dang, she looks good for her age...
DOLLY PARTON
When a man looks across a street, sees a pretty girl, and waves at her, that's not a rendezvous,...
WALLY SCHIRRA
When a father puts in long hours at work, he's praised for being dedicated and ambitious. But wh...
MICHELLE OBAMA
I'm a Honey G fan. She can spit some vibes on one of my songs; she's got rhymes for days! Sh...
JAMES ARTHUR
He got really attached to her, she sat on his knee and he sang along to her.
ANNA FRIEL
She got a lot of open looks today. We didn't do a very good job of getting out on her.
KAROLINA PIOTRKIEWICZ
To be able to help a 13-year-old kid from the Bronx follow her dreams just by letting her know she&#...
ALICIA KEYS
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW
Reese Witherspoon. She's sophisticated enough that you just like her. You like her and she's...
DON BLUTH
She had some money left over from her allowance that I made her give her father for gas, driving his...
MARIA PARTON
She looks like a million dollars but she only knows a hundred and twenty words and she's only got tw...
ERIC LINKLATER
Elizabeth did a great job for us, and she got a lot of support from her defense behind her.
BRANDY FRAZIER
We don't leave home without my daughter's doll La-La. She looks like a bit of a rag, but Ind...
GEORGINA CHAPMAN
He had had to be father and mother to her, and he had taken to his tasks with determination, seeking...
PAULA BRACKSTON
Condoleezza Rice, the national security adviser, is right there... she's in town because her fat...
AL MICHAELS
Hillary Clinton bothers me a lot. I realized the other day that her thoughts sound a lot like Karl M...
DICK ARMEY
Sally Field looks amazing in general, never mind her age! She's a phenomenally talented actress ...
ALISON SWEENEY
If a woman hasn't got a tiny streak of harlot in her, she's a dry stick as a rule.
D. H. LAWRENCE
I like to think that Junie B. looks at the world - and this isn't a negative comment on her - fr...
BARBARA PARK
Beyonce is one of my inspirations. Her attitude, her style, her voice... she's perfect.
CHARICE PEMPENGCO
I think a young woman's relationship with her father is really important.
CANDACE BUSHNELL
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Katie Price is no exception. She, too, is - in a distinctive way - a philosopher. Partially, Katie P...
ALAIN DE BOTTON
I'll tell you, Liz Cheney is going to be a very good candidate. I worked with her during the Bus...
MARK MCKINNON
If a girl comes to me first for a prom or a bar mitzvah and she likes the way she looks and her boyf...
BETSEY JOHNSON
She looks like she combs her hair with an egg beater.
HEDDA HOPPER
She has deceived her father, and may thee.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Whom she refuses, she treats still / With so much sweet behaviour, / That her refusal, through her s...
WILLIAM CONGREVE
My dad is my dad, but he's not there physically anymore. But she lets me call her 'Dad' ...
KENDALL JENNER
The thing about Precious, she's so far from a Hollywood character. She's so honest and real,...
GABOUREY SIDIBE
Oh, my wife is a wonderful cook. She comes from a food-loving Italian family - her father owned a pi...
BUDDY VALASTRO
He told her the defendant needs attention from a mental health professional. He said she needs to ta...
ROBERT CLIFFORD
Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER
Her brothers kept wrestling her at the house. She kept asking her dad if she could wrestle and he wo...
KATHY MCCAULEY
My younger sister looks to me to provide her with advice on how to do her job better - though she...
W. BRUCE CAMERON
Eko brushed a tear from her eye, and Immo jeered at her, but father held up a hand. "Never mock a te...
ORSON SCOTT CARD
But she loved her dad; she was a daddy's girl. She said her father had changed the life insurance an...
MALINDA GONZALES
Dorothy Hamill was my big idol as a kid. She'd won the Olympics in 1976. She was America's s...
KRISTI YAMAGUCHI
I have a girl crush on Rachel Bilson. She's so cute, I just want to put her in my pocket. I love...
ALEXANDRA CHANDO
My father has acted in over 700 films. My mother acted in one film, 'Kismat with Mithun Chakrabo...
SHRADDHA KAPOOR
I met Gemma, my wife, when she was 12. She had a schoolgirl crush on me and her dad had arranged for...
GARY NUMAN
You should see how she looks at her daddy.
MICHELLE WILLIAMS
She looks really tired. She had really black circles under her eyes and her hair was kind of messed ...
ELLEN KNICKMEYER
He sneered at his father. “He’ll live. I’m going after her.”
“What?” His sister sto...
G.A. AIKEN
She thought in would be awkward for both to be brought into conscious collision; and fancied that, f...
ELIZABETH GASKELL
The day that I saw Whoopi Goldberg on television, I cried so hard because I kept looking at my daddy...
LESLIE JONES
When a mother quarrels with a daughter, she has a double dose of unhappiness hers from the conflict,...
TERRI APTER
When I get an idea for a book, something appeals to me, it's usually a character. I'll see a...
ELMORE LEONARD
A girl's got to do what she's got to do to make somebody pay her a compliment. If that means...
CAT DEELEY
Look at Rihanna. She's so sexy. She comes from Planet Sexy. I worship her. I really, really do.
CAMILA CABELLO
I got into one of the schools I applied to because of the essay I wrote about Holly Hunter's cha...
TAVI GEVINSON
I don't date my girlfriend because she's a model. I date her because I love her.
ADAM LEVINE
I don't look at her like she's a bad girl. She just misunderstood sometime, she's a litt...
AIDA TURTURRO
Amy pulls away and looks into my face. Her pale skin is blotchy red, her eyes are veined and shadowe...
BETH REVIS
The King's son, who was told that a great princess, whom nobody knew, was come, ran out to recei...
CHARLES PERRAULT
That little Miley Cyrus... she's like a little Elvis. The kids love her because she's Hannah...
DOLLY PARTON
My mother is like a character who escaped from the set of a Fellini film. She's a whole performi...
ARUNDHATI ROY
She missed him. And she was scared, deep down, because she felt him pulling away from her, and even ...
HARRIET EVANS
I always wanted to be a surgeon, because I had a lot of admiration for my father, who is also a surg...
MAGDI YACOUB
She was holding, her sister was on top of her, and she got the impact from being thrown and that's w...
BARBARA GREEN
Do you think she is?" Her voice trembled. Her heart throbbed as she waited for him to answer. "You t...
MARISSA MEYER
He could be her father. Hello?
KELSEY ALBRIGHT
It is the lies he's telling her - as he has been, Nassun understands suddenly, her whole life - that...
N.K. JEMISIN
Although it was her who took his breath away, the father away she was, the more he suffocated.
SAMUEL H. LOWE
She looks as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth
JONATHAN SWIFT
My mom choreographed the top Olympians; she's really the queen of ice in her world, so I kind of...
HAYLEY KIYOKO
i'm sorry she never got her miracle.
she did get her miracle, Landon, her miracle was you.
NICHOLAS SPARKS
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back ag...
ENID BAGNOLD
It's always a great day going to work with Ginnifer Goodwin; she's a fantastic actress and I...
JOSH DALLAS
She started really slow, and her opponent is a very hard hitter who dominated the 'T' for a while. O...
GAIL RAMSAY
I love Viola Davis. I call her 'Queen.' I think she's phenomenal. She's so raw and s...
ANNA DIOP
My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.
LES DAWSON

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX
Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX