Some of the funniest people I know are not screwed up in the head.

I ran into an extraordinary doctor. He got up inside my head and figured out how my brain processed things, what my core values were, what my inner dialogue was.

Doctors didn't know what to do with me.

I called my mother up and I said, 'You know, I've been to the best doctors in the world and I've spent almost half a million dollars and they're telling me I have symptoms of a P.O.W. and all I did was grow up in your home.'

I had a dad you know.

I'll get to make a lot of money and do some bad sitcoms.