Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
Jack Handy
Related
Better off dead than giving in; not taking what you want.
CAROL ANN DUFFY I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I k...
JACK HANDY It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
JACK HANDEY Sometimes dead is better
STEPHEN KING Jack, sometimes you don't have to be mean to hurt someone.
R.J. PALACIO If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpki...
JACK HANDEY Jack & Bobby ... Sometimes the greatest people can be seated right next to you.
BRAD MELTZER You don't know how you haunt and bewilder me. You don't know how the cursed carelessness that is ove...
CHARLES DICKENS I'm allergic to family occasions. Sometimes I think we'd do better as dandelion seeds-no family, no ...
SOPHIE KINSELLA (Jack prepairing to tell his mom he's gay)
Grace: You'd think after 30 years it'd be liberating....
WILL & GRACE I am an on-and-off vegetarian. Sometimes on, mostly off. I think it is better to be a vegetarian but...
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you ...
WOODY ALLEN It's best, though, to get premises ID done early rather than wait.
DR. GEORGE TEAGARDEN Sometimes you would wait four or five hours between rings, ... we had to switch the damn thing off.
JEFFREY CITRON There will be thousands of dead. You will all think of me.
KAY NEHM For my own part, I would rather be in company with a dead man than with an absent one; for if the de...
LORD CHESTERFIELD No, I think it taught me to be independent and never expect a handout and never wait for anybody to ...
JESSE JAMES No, I still have that yellow stripe on. You have got to wait to take that off.
KYLE BUSCH Just 'cuz you're bigger than me, just 'cuz you're smarter than me, just because you drive a better c...
GERARD WAY To wait - only to wait - without even the final merciful deprivation of hope.
Sometimes I think...
ANNA KAVAN ROSE: I love you, Jack.
JACK: No...don’t say your goodbyes, Rose. Don’t you give up. ...
JAMES FRANCIS CAMERON Once you go dead, there's no one better in bed!" ~ Cat
JEANIENE FROST [Vaughn] cried the whole time. [Handy] cried a little bit, but showed no emotion on his face. I aske...
CORY MILLS Are you really a doctor?” I asked.
“Some people say that.”
“Why?”
“Becaus...
MICHAEL BRENT JONES You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.
JEANIENE FROST Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator...
LLOYD BENTSEN I think you have to be guarded but not closed off.
AJ MICHALKA Do you know, André, I sometimes think that you have no heart.'
'Presumably because I sometime...
RAFAEL SABATINI Here look at me. I'm Charlie, the son you wrote off the books? Not that I blame you for it, but here...
DANIEL KEYES You ought to know, you were my best friend. You were. I know you loved me. I loved you.
No one ...
ALEXANDER CHEE I'm only me. That is all I can be. No more, no
less, dont second guess. I love, I live, I laugh, I
c...
OLASOT I think those autoworkers whose industry would have collapsed if the president hadn't intervened...
DAVID AXELROD I never thought before, that there was a woman in the world who could affect me so much by saying so...
CHARLES DICKENS When God says NO, trust me- he has something better, don't give up because you got a NO, wait on the...
ARTHLENE LAUDAT LAWRENCE (Jack prepairing to tell his mom he's gay)Grace: You'd think after 30 years it'd be liberating.Jack:...
WILL & GRACE You're an interesting person, Jack." Sullivan said. "I wish I could figure out what you were thingin...
JOHN SCALZI The vision of this, when the president signed off on this, was that when you are granted an ID card ...
KAREN EVANS I'm pretty forgiving, so sometimes I forget how evil people were to me. Then I think, 'Wait ...
ALEXIS KNAPP He's not disappointed. He's (ticked) off. I want him (ticked) off. I think it's fantastic for the Ta...
JOHN TORTORELLA So we're better off to have damaged green vines than we would be to have a dead frozen vine.
TOMMY LEE Is he dead?" he inquired. "He looks dead."
"No," snapped Maryse. "He's not dead."
"Have ...
CASSANDRA CLARE Sometimes I think all my pictures are just pictures of me.
RICHARD AVEDON He's not dead, Parker." He clenched his jaw so hard she could see the muscles working in it.
MATT FORBECK I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but...
BOB NEWHART Don’t worry, says Ike, I didn’t do yer pretty face no harm. I should of though. After what you d...
MOIRA YOUNG Rosencrantz: We might as well be dead. Do you think death could possibly be a boat?
Guildenster...
TOM STOPPARD Honey, no offense, but sometimes I think I could shoot you and watch you kick.
RAYMOND CARVER Why?’ asked Jack. ‘Because I chopped the man’s head off.
CHRIS BRADFORD As you can not do what you wish, you should wish what you can do.
[Lat., Quoniam id fieri quod vis...
TERENCE (PUBLIUS TERENTIUS AFER) I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill
VICTORIA WOOD Wait. You think I'm going to die? That's why you slept with me?
RICHELLE MEAD I think everyone's excited about seeing those projects completed. I think our city is going to be be...
GARY BOYD And by the way, you clearly don't know me better than Fang does. Do you see Fang arguing with...
JAMES PATTERSON Jack Holloway told me he would get the son of a bitch who killed my child and the mate of my child,"...
JOHN SCALZI One of the victims, she made ID off a photo lineup.
TOM SCHEBEN I told you before, Jem, that you would not leave me. And you are still with me. When I breathe, I wi...
CASSANDRA CLARE If you ask me if I think I will be sober in 24 hours time I can say yes, but in two years I can'...
DANIEL BALDWIN Did you get notes for me?"
"No", Ronan replied,"I thought you were dead in a ditch.
MAGGIE STIEFVATER You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youʹd actually be a better queen than the others, except...
RICHELLE MEAD I think most people's record collections are more interesting than radio generally gives them cr...
CHARLES HAZLEWOOD You think you know her. Just wait and see the change. I'll have her trained in no time.
DAVID O. SELZNICK We've started slow in every game, and I don't know why. I think the kids are prepared for every game...
BARRY NORTON You're not perfect. Sometimes, you can be a real jerk. Not on purpose. Just sometimes. But no matter...
MARK WAID Jack-This makes me feel like a man. Will-Yeah. Jack- No, seriously, I'm going to need a man after we...
WILL & GRACE If no one is pissed-off with you then you are dead but just haven't figured it out yet.
TOM PETERS Sometimes not remembering may be for the better.
CRYSTAL DAWN SHEPHERD Find Sam Temple. Tell him you escaped.”
Jack gulped and bobbed his head.
“Better yet, ...
MICHAEL GRANT I am not against Muslim schools. But as I believe in integration, I think we would be better off ove...
FRANK DOBSON I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now.
TAYLOR SWIFT Tintin! Are you dead? Say yes or no but answer me!
JENNIFER ZIEMBA There will be no wardrobe malfunction with me. I can promise you that, ... I have nothing I will be ...
PAUL MCCARTNEY The Great Spirit will not make me suffer because I am ignorant. He will put me in a place where I sh...
RED CLOUD I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I've died. I ...
TONY STEWART Sometimes it is better not to know. Sometimes when you do know you just fold up.
ROBIN MCKINLEY An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better o...
PAUL LYNDE Sometimes I go for days without speaking to a soul. I think, “I should make that call", but I put ...
INGMAR BERGMAN For me, your real age is not the age on your ID. That's just a date when you were born.
JOSE MOURINHO Never ask an elf for help; they might decide your better off dead, eh?
CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You'd have a chance at least. You could lie t...
TOM STOPPARD I think we can lower our emissions. I think the world will be better off if we did that, and we can ...
FRED UPTON You can only do so much at training and I just think he will be better off mentally by having some g...
MICHAEL HAGAN Sometimes I get such paranoia that I refresh and wait and wait in the same page until I get answer??...
DEYTH BANGER It's not always easy being her daughter.'
I think,' she said, 'sometimes it's hard no ma...
SARAH DESSEN I know sometimes I can come off like a lonely spinster in a tower. That's not me at all.
DAPHNE GUINNESS I try to be confident, always have, but despite my best efforts, sometimes I come off like I'm a tot...
MICHELLE ROWEN I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
VICTORIA WOOD I am not a twenty-two-year-old boy; I am not a besotted fool. If you think to jilt me, think again. ...
BRENDA JOYCE Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to kill someone by chopping their ...
COLIN MOCHRIE You ask Why to a lot of things and you wind up very unhappy indeed, if you keep at it. The poor girl...
RAY BRADBURY I think it comes off better on stage.
FRED ARMISEN You missed World Hist."
"Did you get notes for me?"
"No. I thought you were dead in a ditc...
MAGGIE STIEFVATER Wait for me.” The words come out choked and pained. “I need you to wait for me.
KRISTA RITCHIE You know me better than you think, you know, and you shall know me better yet.
C.S. LEWIS You look okay,” Sam said with a certain desperate edge in his voice. “I mean good. You look good...
MICHAEL GRANT Sometimes when I watch very famous people on television, they make me long for death! These utterly ...
TOM BAKER If you are sorry, you will leave him. Jack will never be yours, Schuyler. Not like I am yours."
MELISSA DE LA CRUZ I can't let you take the risk. I love you too much." -Schuyler
"Then you would rather see me bo...
MELISSA DE LA CRUZ I needed not to be dead when I agreed.”
“You needed not to be alone.
SARAH J. MAAS You want to know whether we're better off? I've got a little bumper sticker for you: Osama b...
JOE BIDEN My name is Cammie!” I didn’t think about all the people I could have woken, all the alarms that ...
ALLY CARTER
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CHARLES B. HANDY Life is something like a trumpet. If you don't put anything in, you won't get anything out.
WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY Life is like a trumpet - if you don't put anything into it, you don't get anything out of it...
WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER HANDY Many artists and writers have used cannabis for creative stimulation - from the writers of the world...
JACK HERER I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.
JACK WHITEHALL With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.
JACK NICHOLSON The financial crisis is a stark reminder that transparency and disclosure are essential in today'...
JACK REED The only two things you can truly depend upon are gravity and greed.
JACK PALANCE Perfectionists are their own devils.
JACK KIRBY Control your own destiny or someone else will.
JACK WELCH I believe that people make their own luck by great preparation and good strategy.
JACK CANFIELD If you pick the right people and give them the opportunity to spread their wings and put compensatio...
JACK WELCH Mankind is like dogs, not gods - as long as you don't get mad they'll bite you - but stay ma...
JACK KEROUAC If I have a weakness, it's probably ice cream. That's where I get lax, sloppy. I'll snea...
JACK NICKLAUS It was only after the Grimms published two editions primarily for adults that they changed their att...
JACK ZIPES Though the Grimms kept about 100 of the tales from the first edition, they changed them a good deal.
JACK ZIPES In 1995, I founded a storytelling program for children called Neighborhood Bridges in collaboration ...
JACK ZIPES I have a daughter, Hanna, and I never read fairy tales to her. But I did tell her bedtime tales and ...
JACK ZIPES 'Once Upon a Time', 'Mirror Mirror' - those shows and films focus on women and their...
JACK ZIPES Fairy tales are with us day in and day out, not just in commercials, but references in the theater, ...
JACK ZIPES The Grimm collections were never intended for children. Not because kids were excluded, but because ...
JACK ZIPES Almost every single commercial on television for shampoo, sports shoes, drinks, food, clothes, perfu...
JACK ZIPES What the Greeks and Romans considered myths, we consider fairy tales. We can see how very clearly th...
JACK ZIPES Until I was diagnosed with mouth cancer, I'd never heard of it.
JACK WILD I guess I'll go to my grave as the Dodger, but at least I've made my mark on show-business h...
JACK WILD I'm thought of as a celebrity. Everything I've ever done... has been for children. As long a...
JACK WILD I look at what I've gone through in my career and I really shouldn't be talking to you now. ...
JACK WILD I'd definitely be up for 'EastEnders.' Just the same as I would if 'Coronation Stree...
JACK WILD It's very hard not to let fame affect you because you are continually being told how good you ar...
JACK WILD There is no buzz like performing for a live audience.
JACK WILD At an age when most youngsters are preparing for their GCSEs, I was suddenly a jet-setter, briefly t...
JACK WILD My lifestyle had made me a walking time bomb.
JACK WILD I know who Jack Whittaker is. And some days I don't like who I am.
JACK WHITTAKER It doesn't bother me because I can tell everyone to kiss off.
JACK WHITTAKER